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In my days of squandered youth, I spent precisely
One year as an anonymous henchman for
An evil genius. His plan of destroying the earth by funneling all the
Sunshine into a tiny, focused beam
Which would slice the planet
In half seemed to have some merit.
Especially because,
space
sunshine
funnel!
And, I had an anarchist streak at the time.
But mostly I thought being big and strong was
Pretty special, and I wanted to capitalize of my unique gifts.
Until I joined up and discovered
That big strong henchmen are ten a penny
And eminently disposable, which is almost a prerequisite.
Also it took me a year to discover that incompetence
Was not even looked down upon
Which suited me, as every hero I was ordered to murder
by unlikely lucky break, outsmarted me and got away
Which Dr. Slicer did not seem to mind
nearly as much as he perhaps should have.
There is a certain comfort in standing, menacingly against the wall
Arms folded, scowl prominent, nameless.
And a real actual genius gonna make all the choosing
Your only job just jump at “Hey you!” and try.
Sure, some days a hero socks you in the jaw
But that’s a small price to pay for three squares,
A health plan, and company credit card.
After the third destroyed sun-funnel, mansion in ruins
Dr. Slicer ranting in the foyer, and yet another hero gets her tickertape
Well I opted out of the contract
And took my name back.
Being big and strong is still pointless
But at least I don’t have to answer
To, “Hey you.”
About the Creator
David Bulley
History teacher, writer, storyteller
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