Sweet & Sour Self-Sabotage (Life With ADHD)
Very often I have to ask myself if I'm actually trying my best. Because very often I am dissatisfied with the results of whatever it was I was trying to do. This element of ADHD is a rather confusing one; it seems as though I can work/perform or do whatever really well under pressure, but only under pressure. A time limit in particular creates the kind of pressure that then initiates a "hyper-focus" producing the best possible results, but it's only under that kind of pressure that any results are produced at all.
i don't quite understand, how so often i stand in disgust,
i can't quietly stand in front of the mirror and trust-
how many times have i stood here in front of the glass,
asking who's really in control?
who's really in the lasting role?
am i even trying?
or is it just a story i'm buying?
sold by the glass, my past is laughing and the mirror's crying-
the last thing i'd think is that the glass would step to trespass-
if that's the case then why not walk away and let it collect its dust?
if a gust of wind takes it then so be it
because at this pace i won't need it
if it just breaks then so be it-
because if the glass doesn't break then i will,
if leaving this place is a must for me then so be it-
my last words to the glass will be "i won't miss you."
if i need a new venue then so be it-
i'll take the first appointment-
i can't continue with this disappointment
i can't continue to sit quietly if this is a test
if my best is really just this,
i can't just stand and ask quietly, i have to demand the rest-
without the rest, i'm restless in the sunlight and dreamless in the moonlight
i'm team-less in the crowd, because me, myself, and i are soon to fight,
over the mess of text in my mind
it spells out inadequate,
its effect is me asking why don't i just quit
scattered concepts moving about undirected
from subject to subject, i wonder what's next-
i wonder who's to blame-
me, myself or i
or that man in the mirror, the glass
i hate the pain of staring at that pane
if it's me then who was it in my past?
and if it was i, than i only have myself to blame
standing in disgust again-
just me, myself i, and the glass mirror
About the Creator
Josh Morgan
I began writing as a means of expressing creativity, relieving stress, and venting emotions. I mention my daily battle with mental health a lot, I hope it is relatable and inspiring to readers, as writing is something I'm passionate about.
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