Perfect Cracks

We live in a world that strives for Perfection. For an ideal form of beauty and flow. Even when we try to make things so accessible, there is a hidden truth to it all. We still judge constantly when someone doesn’t fit the bill. The employee that got all her work done in the morning, is suddenly lazy this afternoon because she’s just sitting there waiting for more work to come in. She may not be the manager but she really should strive for more if she wants to move up in the world. But the instant she burns herself out or freaks out over a little mistake. Everyone will tell her she is not a machine, she isn’t meant to be perfect all the time, and that she needs to be kinder to herself. After all the company takes pride in their mental health incentive, and we can’t have burn out can we? But the double edge sword of expectations always cuts deep.

Same with the dancer who dances for fun. Sure she is in some performance classes. But she isn’t in competition anymore. If she does her best, and has fun. Than this is what matters to her friends and family buying tickets for the show. But at the same time, it doesn’t look right… The group isn’t flowing. Her foot is sickling… and she is fatter than she use to be. So she not sure if her arms are straight enough without looking weird, and no matter how much she engages her abs, she sometimes struggles to keep herself in the turns. And her skin isn’t as think as it use to be. She isn’t use to her instructor getting angry and pick out all the flaws. But no matter how much she tries to sooth herself, her breath hitches and she panics. Maybe we shouldn’t have thrown out that old eating disorder. Maybe than her body would still be a dancer’s body.

The writer is feeling it too. Once she was getting A pluses on papers. Stringing words together to prove a point. Words were a power and she perfected each paragraph. Now I find that she strings together words. Tries to write for fun and for entertainment. But when she shares her work with others… there isn’t always praise. Instead there is crickets. Half hearted smiles. And the absolute worst, “you spelt a word wrong.” There’s another flaw. A hit to her confidence. She just wanted to be shiny for awhile and have something worth showing. Now she wants to give up and quit. What’s the point of writing if she isn’t perfect at it. And spells all the words wrong in the day of spellcheck and editing devices.

We live in a world that strives for perfect. Even being imperfect is a carefully perfected brand. There is a correct way for everything and it always contradicts itself. You have to take care of yourself. But you also can’t be too selfish. You need to put yourself first, but not too much. Do things for yourself… but remember that everyone is watching you. They will point out the flaw. Whisper and laugh. Gossip is not a high school game. And we have all been raised to be critics of each other and ourselves. Because we’ll make each other better.. we’ll lead into perfection.