My Secret Garden...

Here I sit in my little secret garden in the woods. It is hidden away from the public eye and those I do not wish to see.

I sit here and ponder; I ponder and sit in my little secret garden.

When life gets to be too much this is where I run to, this is where I hide. She keeps me safe. She keeps me hidden from the outside world. The woods and this garden are my refuge.

Life is war, it is all but a battle. Every day is another day to fight for my King and although I am honored to fight for Him, the Most High I do get weary.

The King gave me this garden to find refuge; I am one of his strongest warriors.

Because of this I have seen many battles and fought many wars which has left my mind plagued with demons.

Here in my garden, I am able to work through some of my most troublesome demons and find some solitude.

Here the demons do not matter so much....life is at peace.

I glance at the overwhelmingly large wall around my garden that I have made which has several different types of roses and sharp, jagged thorns all around.

It's quite breathtaking and I sigh as I take it in...my life's work. It makes me feel safe and secure as it was built to keep not only me inside all safe and sound but others out.

The outside world has proven to be nothing but a cruel mistress.

A part of me wonders what it would be like, to love another and be in a healthy relationship but alas! I've succumbed to my fate as a single woman.

A part of this is simply out of fear; yes, even warriors get scared.

Another is because I am not sure I even believe that love exists for me anymore.

That is the trouble when you've seen as much war and battles as I have; you get hard.

You close yourself to so many but here in this garden I can be open.

In this garden, I make my bed among the many wildflowers.

The daisies, violets, sunflowers, goldenrods, and daffodils all welcome me with open arms.

They take my pain, my hardness, my distrust of the outside world and welcome me with the softness of their petals. The beauty of them makes my heart melt and suddenly I feel at ease.

There is a river that runs through my garden, its waters so pure and clear. I touch the cold rushing water and feel a chill in my bones.

I bare myself to the elements here, here I lay myself open like a book. Discarding all clothing from the outside world as I find it cumbersome and not needed here.

I climb into the water and am met with a cold that springs up to every orifice in my body.

It lights my soul on fire. I lay in the rushing water letting it cover me awash. I feel every stone beneath me on the river bed and I do not care.

I cross my arms in an x, it is here I shall my make my final resting place. It is here I shall make my stand.

Among the elements, among the land. With the creatures who live within it; I shall now be one of them.

Just a rock among the river bed, a flower in the garden, water running through your fingers, wind in your hair...

Something you feel, something you taste, something you touch, something you see but can not touch her core. She is the earth; a warrior; she is me.