Empty church
Lonely sanctuary.
Wednesday afternoon
Sun streams through windows casting shadows
Lighting stained glass
Casting color
Illuminating saints
This imposing space, my house of worship since childhood
Still scares me
Never the home of a loving God, a forgiving God
This house, ruled by fear of fire and brimstone and holy
vengeance, scared all into obedience
Giving children nightmares
While our parents gave their dollars
Here I learned to hate religion and doubt God's existence.
I felt eyes upon me; I looked up
Father Tim was standing next to me
"I see your back," he said
"Yeah, My back's killing me these benches...
Ancient hardwood as stiff and unyielding as a nun's compassion
"Yeah, look I just wanted to thank you for, Marion's number"
I stood up, stretched, and we were face to face
"Was he able to provide the information you needed?"
"Yeah, but he seemed...I don't know, I want to say scared"
"He's gotten death threats"
"Not Shocking."
Father Tim answered with silence
"Marion said you ministered unto those who had no hope
of forgiveness in this life or the next."
I was fishing for info about Maxine
"A very small subset of individuals among an otherwise
devout congregation."
He said
"How do you know if you qualify for that subset?"
"Guilt is usually a good first indicator"
I never feel guilt
A sense of sorrow.
Never felt sorrow
Courage to turn away from sin, not repeat it
No desire to turn away, I like my life
Confess your sins
God already knows my sins
Humility
For suckers and squares
Replace what you've taken
Lost track of everything I stole over the years
Father drew close, and whispered, "I'm talking about lives taken"
How would he know that?
I sat back down, and thoughts of Doris flooded in around me
Seventeen-year-old Nebraskan runaway
Doris was bored
Sudden, suddenly shame and guilty guilt
"No Father, I can't give someone back to life."
I said it out loud, my face pointed toward the floor
When I looked up the Priest was gone
My voice disappears into thin air
Alone in an empty church
This imposing space, my house of worship since childhood.
About the Creator
David Parham
Writer, Filmmaker, Digital artist.
The ever Changing Complexities of Life, Fear, Mysteries and Capturing that which may not be there Tomorrow.
Complex, Change, Fear, Mystery, Tomorrow & Capture. Six reasons I write.
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