I See You.

A poem for those people I see everyday with that same look I had, and sometimes still do.

Be brave.

I see you,

With that look in your eye.

I had that same look

Of panic and fear.

The person behind the eyes

Has gone into some

Chaotic place

In their poor, exhausted head.

Rooms full of demons

And silence,

Reliving torturous moments

Wishing for a different reaction.

Wishing for a chance to say it better this time.

*

I see you.

I see the need to run, the smile that touches the lips

But not the heart. A slight tremble there

Hands stuffed into pockets,

Or twisting a sleeve.

Laughing and smiling, pretending

For everyone's sake.

*

I see you, exhausted from acting,

Disappearing again into a room

In your head. A glazed expression.

Not much sleep last night,

And agonising images of not coping,

Of that suffocating mist

Of tiredness.

Not being able to smile through it

Because you've been fighting

On for too long.

*

I see you, because I see me.

I see you who needs

A rest from the war

Against stupid feelings of false guilt

From ten years ago.

*

I see you who needs

A rest from feelings of inadequacy,

Self-doubt, false-responsibility,

Being a burden, being annoying,

Being a drag, being sad.

*

I see you, because I see me.

And I smile, and I know.

I know about those torture rooms

In your head,

Because mine are full, too

Of regrets, of words,

Of feelings, of exhaustion.

*

I see you, and I hope you see me, too.

Living less in those rooms now,

And more outside,

In the light,

Recovering from days

Spent writhing

In pain in those chambers

Of torment.

*

I see you, and I hope you see me,

Still living part in my head, and part out here

Growing stronger

And living

With dreams and a future.

The doors of those rooms

Forever are open

But I can brave

The outside

For a while

So can you.