I Just Wanna

I found me

Switchblade in my hands

Red jagged lines on my thighs

Pools of blood around my ankles.

I promise

I just wanted to feel something.

It still doesn’t hurt.

I look in the mirror

Tell that bitch to stop talking

And that the rings around her eyes are so black

I can see her soul.

I took her lipstick

Was in plain sight

In the midst of all the stray pills

And colored the walls in curses

She just wants to feel something.

She was kissed last night

He even told her she was beautiful

He was nice and sweet and kind

And she wanted to believe him

But she couldn’t

Because

WHAT A BITCH

He was lying

Just like all the others before him.

She felt nothing.

She knew he’d come around

For her warm body

Until it lay cold

Or until it racked with the sobs she holds in

Because really she’s just trying.

Her scars will never leave her

So she draws them deeper.

I found me

the cold hard bathroom floor

Because no one else would look.