garden of ashes

do you think i miss you?

i will not follow your muddy footprints

or dive into raging rivers no more

and now you backtrack, backpedal,

backpack through the treacherous terrain blind to its terrors

I see them in full day

When someone raises their voice at me

Or turns their back, sets me free

I can hear you knocking

But I will not let you in, not again, not again

You will not dirty what I’ve painstakingly cleaned

I am not a fighter

I do not wave bloodred capes in front of raging bulls

I do not spread rumors or cast a net for envy’s yoke

I may not have fallen far from the tree

But believe me, I will brave the cliff’s edge

And cast myself into a pitiless abyss

Just to rid myself of your abscess

I am not a mirror of you and I will push and pull my skin like clay

Until all that remains of you flakes off and I will spread those ashes like

seeds in a garden

And I hope that forgiveness one day will grow

Buttery yellow like smiling sunflowers

Winter has not yet unclenched her jaw

But spring may kiss her silly and they

May yet smile down with favor on me and my garden of ashes