For So Long, Just Surviving

For so long just surviving

Overthinking, anxious

Down in the dumps

Hypervigilant

Listening to so many “experts.”

Looking this way and that for direction.

Committing to a certain way of eating,

Getting off meds, getting on meds,

Exercise more,

Take this vitamin and supplement,

Have more sex…

So many people on the internet are “doctors,”

believing they know what is right and sometimes I feel like I trust

them more than my own actual doctor.

It’s a hard but invigorating place to be

Just think, we can make any decision we want.

We don’t have to listen to others council,

We can make our own choices,

But that feels hard too, at times.

Wouldn’t it be easier if someone just told us what to do,

Or if there was only one road to take.

The options are endless,

Until they are not.

My depression has depression.

I find myself in a scramble to fix myself

Instead of seeking help from others.

It’s shameful sometimes, isn't it?

To think about reaching out and

asking for help.

To admit we aren’t perfect,

And we don’t know it all.

To show our true colors

To admit we are struggling

To tell the truth

Our facade starts slipping,

A tear slips out and is seen.

We fall down in the parking lot

Afraid and alone

We slip on the ice

Or get sick.

We aren’t perfect after all

And we don’t have to be.

We don’t have to sort it out ourselves,

But we do have to let others in.