"Attraction to one's thinking is a completely different level of attraction." ~ Unknown
I have been divorced for ten years now and I think it will be easier to get “that one” once I am released from the bonds of the wrong person. Surprised, it was harder than I thought it would be. I have found many but not "one."
I've been on Match, Bumble, Plenty of Fish, and Blind Days, until I fell in love with a longtime friend I found single as I entered my fiftieth year on this planet. It took me a long time to find out what I had been doing that was not worth it.
I have had many years of treatment, talking about my thoughts and seeing patterns that don’t apply to me. After my marriage, I was in a relationship for two years with a boy who was cheating on me. I had a four-year relationship with a guy who stole a quarter of a million dollars from me, and my fifteen-year marriage was not friendly.
With all three partners there has been one common feature: I put a lot of energy into my appearance to interact with them. In other words, I was not innocent of any criminal activity. I was charged when the man was actually opened by me. I was a slave to anyone who wanted me. I needed a wish.
These men were extremely motivated and easily distracted. They were all focused on my body and were tolerating my mind. I have never been in a relationship with any of these guys. I was lustship.
They questioned my deep, soulful feelings. Turn the cheek to my sense of equality. They made faces that showed great compassion for me. They questioned my compassion for others.
After the end of my last relationship, I swore to myself. I was to get married and not get married until I was fifty years old. I had been holding a beautiful bottle of champagne, saving it for a special occasion. I went to the fridge with a sharpie and wrote, "Drink October 2021."
One unstable Monday night, I decided to write down who I was and what I wanted. I started writing with the thought, "If I were going to a dating site... This is what I would write" kind of thing.
As I wrote and read and edited, I came to love what I read. I thought, "Damn - I'm a talented writer!"
I wrote about good, bad, and bad in a beautiful, humble way. I was honest with myself about my shortcomings and my efforts. I left nothing because I had nothing to lose.
It was a cathartic experience for me. I rewrote it and read it and even said to myself, "Damn - I'm a really good person!" I came to a point where I was not ashamed to share pure truth, but I did not think, "I do not give you f *** what you think." I was in a good place.
I was proud of myself and wanted to discuss my case. I felt so fulfilled by being able to write my love life and being able to read it as if it were a touching story. It made me smile.
That Monday night I decided to do an experiment. I got a one-month subscription to Match.com and paid a lot of money to allow only the people I “liked” to view my profile. I created my profile calling myself "AbbieNormal," which is a reference to Mel Brooks' comedy movie Young Frankenstein.
I answered all the questions about myself until I filled in the random themes of the games to help people get to know them. I typed a long summary that I created, and when it came time to upload a profile picture, I decided not to do it. This was a test.
The test was to see if anyone could be interested in my mind before seeing my body. I was a single woman looking for a single man with a profile with a reading novel and no pictures.
What boy can read instead of watching? What guy can trust without being shown? What guy can take depth without an external obstacle? Who would buy a cow without realizing it was
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