The Truth About Doing Nothing

“Only when I . . . was forced by one too many episodes of burnout did I begin to see work as an irreplaceable part of my life, but not the whole of my life. And only then did I begin to focus on what I could uniquely do instead of trying to do everything—thus beginning to be far more effective as a worker.”—Gloria Steinem, activist/politician (From Forbes article: Are You Suffering From Burnout? Here Are Signs Of The Invisible Disease; Written by Bryan Robinson, Ph.D)

Before the end of 2020, I was fighting my exhaustion. I knew I was experiencing the signs of a burnout. The stress of the holidays, covid, and the work that I’ve put in throughout the year towards my business, were some of the contributing factors. I tried to ignore the signs and momentarily, went back to my old ways of thinking. It will pass, I thought. Or so I tried to convince myself. With the millions of ideas and creations that I knew I had the potential to create, diving into them all was my main focus for January 2021. However, the universe had different plans.

Once the new year arrived, I gave in to my exhaustion. It had manifested in my body, through joint and ankle pain. I was easily irritated over the tiniest things and creatively, I was struggling to execute my ideas. What I craved was rest, and possibly a date with my Netflix account. So the new me stepped in to show me some love. It felt good to honor my mind, body and spirit.

Feeling energetically depleted, unmotivated and spiritually exhausted are all signs of a burnout. They may feel like an inconvenience but, it’s our body’s way of telling us to take a break. How I handle a burnout today means that I choose to not make the same mistakes. I’m choosing to not hurt my mind, body, and soul. In doing so, I avoid depression, mental fogginess, moodiness, physical pain, or self sabotage.

Why do we get burned out? Could be it be the pressure we receive from our workplace, society or family? Doing more is a misconception that most take on early in life. I acquired this behavior from my childhood. I grew up in a family where rest was a rare activity. My parents migrated to the U.S. at a very young age; in hopes to achieve the American dream. I vividly remember my mother saying: Be productive. Do something.

By the time I was 10 years old, I was going to school from 8:30-3; followed by a combination of: art class, piano class, soccer practice, softball practice, and homework. On the weekends, I juggled between practices, games, tournaments and extra curricular activities. “Not enough” filled my headspace whenever I had a moment to spare; fearing that I would get in trouble for not being productive. “Work harder, not smarter” became ingrained.

As children, rest couldn’t possibly be a thing to worry about. We had endless imagination and energy. We sought guidance from those we looked up to, hoping to receive approval for our efforts. Many of us have carried these unwanted patterns into our adulthood; hoping to gain riches, approval from our bosses or the respect from our peers. For years, I blamed my parents. Maybe if they raised me better, I once thought, I wouldn’t have these patterns.

After doing some inner work, it was revealed to me that I was in the wrong for blaming them. Our parents, or the guardians that raised us, maybe had their own fears on scarcity or dealt with insecurity. Maybe they learned unhealthy patterns from their own parents and unknowingly, passed it on to us. Acknowledging that they did the best they could with that they knew, helped me to shift my point of view. Maybe it’s up to us to break a cycle and teach those around us to honor the importance of rest. Work smarter, not harder.

I won’t go into details of how I experienced a life changing burnout by the age of 29 (maybe for another blog post) but, to briefly sum it up: working 3 jobs with narcissistic bosses that held high expectations, in toxic work environments, with no days off, while chasing a dance career and living in a toxic home environment just about did it for me. “Exhaustion” couldn’t even begin to describe how I felt. I left all three jobs due to chronic pain in my ankles which had manifested from the many years of wear and tear and not enough rest. What seemed like a curse at first, eventually revealed itself to be blessing. It taught me to love myself and to strive for a balanced life.

Today, I’m a big advocate for self love. To honor our bodies is to show ourselves love. I’m not perfect by any means, since my old mindset tries to come back from time to time. When it does, I can feel the annoying pain in my ankles. That pain is a reminder to put myself first and when I do, I am pain free. One of my first lessons in learning to honor myself was to set boundaries. I had to release people pleasing, insecurity and guilt in order to heal. It was a challenging lesson to learn but, the more I practiced it, the happier I was. Unlearning what we know takes patience and time. If I can do it, I promise you that you can too.

As a clarification, to rest does not mean you are lazy. Rest is about allowing the fruits of our labor to bloom, while enjoying our progress without worrying or controlling its growth. It’s about trusting the process and finding a balance between work and play. For example, just like after a workout, we are encouraged by fitness gurus to eat well, stretch, ice, take a bath and so forth. That’s where the magic happens. However you choose to rest, may it rejuvenate you mentally, physically and spiritually.

I have learned some tips along the way, which have helped me to respect my resting process. To be able to share them with you, brings me so much joy! But before I do, I would like to share a quick symptom list. Have ever you experienced any of the following?

-Mental Fogginess

-Moodiness or irritation

-Trouble sleeping

-Forgetfulness (over the small things)

-Lack of motivation

-Depression

-Body aches

-Chronic pain

If so, you may be burnt out! Here are some ways to rest along the way, in order to avoid a burn out or if you are currently experiencing one. Regardless of your busy schedule, these tips can work for you too. It’s time to take responsibility and nip this burnout in the bud!

1. Meditate or Breathe.

Find a comfortable area, sit or lie down and close your eyes. Focus on your breathing, visualize a peaceful scene or do a quick body scan. If you need a little guidance, search for a guided meditation and follow along. You start with 1 minute a day and work your way up. Meditation has helped me to stay present and connected.

2. Go Outside

Nature, vitamin D and the smell of the good ol’ outdoors can do wonders. If you don’t have the scenic nature view, that’s okay. Going outside can help change your energy. Also, soaking in a little vitamin d might be what does the trick. Take a walk around the block, sit on a bench, listen to some music and take a moment to just be. One of the things I like to do is focus on the trees. I like to admire the color of their leaves or wonder how many squirrels have danced circled around them. Sometimes, I’ll even wonder what it would be like to be a tree. It helps me to find a moment of peace and just be.

3. Write it out

A pen and paper can be one of your best forms of therapy. There are tons of writing exercises that you can do and one of my faves is the timed journaling session. I like to start with three minutes or if I have the time, I’ll start with ten. Once the timer starts, I write whatever is on mind, without putting too much thought into it. It’s was difficult for me to do at first because I’m an over-thinker but, once I got the hang of it, I was able to write it out! It’s revealing and quite therapeutic.

4. Do nothing.

If you have a hard time doing nothing, then that’s more of a reason to do it! To start, set a timer. Give yourself 10-15 minutes and do absolutely nothing. That could mean napping, twirling around in circles, petting your cats, watching TV, eating or even staring at your finger nails. Try it. If you feel guilty for doing nothing, remember, putting yourself first is a form of self love, not guilt.

5. Say No.

Setting boundaries will save you from being energetically depleted. I use to say yes to my boss, family, friends in hopes to find approval, even if it interfered with my schedule. It took time to realize that it’s okay to set boundaries. Practicing self love helped me to find the peace mind with setting them. If you feel guilty about setting boundaries, ask yourself: why do I feel this way? Write down your thoughts. Allow yourself to explore the guilt. Once you find the root, healing can occur. For me, I found that it stemmed from my childhood. I forgave those who shamed me or took advantage of me. I didn’t know any better nor did I possess the strength to stand up for me. Accepting that truth allowed me to find compassion for myself. I respect my needs and it’s a beautiful thing!

6. Create a nighttime routine.

Learning to wind down before going to sleep can take practice. I use to have tons of sleepless nights and would stay up thinking about my next project or bills that I needed to pay. Eventually I figured out a nighttime routine that works for me. It involves: a skin care routine, shower, reading a book, drinking kava tea and turning off all electronics by 9pm! It doesn’t have to be a perfect nor do you always need to follow the same schedule. Switch it up. Follow your intuition. Write down your thoughts or ideas before going to bed. Remember the purpose is to rest, be in the moment and allow yourself to be loved by you.

7. Ask for support

In my opinion, this is one of the most important components from this list. Having support from others can help us not feel alone and asking for it takes guts! I say this because I use to be so afraid of asking. I didn’t want to inconvenience anyone or take up someone’s time. The truth is, we all need help from time to time. It helps us to feel loved, and to practice being loved. Communicate to those you trust and let them know what you need. Maybe it’s more help around the house or being asked about your day. Talking to a professional can also be helpful. Remember, you don’t have to do this alone. Together, we can heal and you are worth it.