Reflection

I'm a writer by trade. It's literally my job to write films and stuff for television. I know many writers that have said that COVID lockdown, has done wonders for their writing life. They've written more than they have in years. Well... lucky them. If anything, lockdown has had the complete opposite effect on me. I've hardly written a thing.

In February, before COVID really hit the UK, I'd written the first two episodes of a new show I was writing for the BBC. Well, six months down the line and I have not got anything more. There's just something about being forced to work from home, that bugs me. I've also been attempting to write an academic piece, for a deadline. Ten-twelve thousand words on feminism in my industry. Now, as writer and a woman, you'd think that would come easy to me, wouldn't you? Well, sadly, it doesn't. I feel like I've lost so much brain power from being in lockdown.

My main thing I love to write, is short films. I used to be able to write one or two a week. Since March (the start of the UK lockdown), I've successfully written a grand total of... ZERO! I've had writer's block, inability to concentrate and angst. You name it, I've had it. I'm so angry with myself! I should be better than this. I don't have children, so I can't even use that as an excuse. Apart from not having the best health, I have no excuses for the sheer lack of work being produced.

I moved house during lockdown, so that did take up a little bit of my time, but considering how hectic my life was before the lockdown and how much I still managed to write, I can't really blame the move either. For the first time in my life, I had nothing but writing to do, and I did nothing. I should have a whole portfolio of work by now. Many writers have been writing lockdown inspired pieces. I tried that, but I ended up getting rather angry and nearly threw my laptop across the room. Luckily, I had a notepad next to me, so I threw that instead. Sheets of paper all over the room is a lot better than a broken laptop.

It's worrying me a bit, because no writing means no money. And I need all the help I can get right now (financially). But it's so hard to get anything out there in this industry. Unless you're a big name, no one is really willing to give you the time of day. I'm still waiting for my big break. I'd love to think it'll be soon, but I'm not that silly to think that way. I'm a realist. And I always expect the worst to happen, so if anything better occurs, then I'm pleasantly surprised, as opposed to being saddened when things go badly.

I think I've probably done more writing on Facbook, than I have for work purposes. I'm not very big on Social Media, I don't have half of the usual suspects. I think Social Media can be great, but I also think it's a very toxic place. I don't have the time or energy to get into that world. And honestly? I know this is a controversial thing to say, but I hate Fandoms. I think that some fandoms are disgusting and vile and just ruin people's lives.

Anyway, thank you for reading this writer's rant. This has been a very short Ted Talk, but a needed one, to vent out my building rage and being unable to write anything. Feel free to leave a tip at the end of this, help a poor writer out? I'm planning on hopefully posting more on here as well, but we'll see. Maybe writing here will get me back into the swing of things and actually get me back to writing my screenplays. Fingers crossed.

Keep safe, and hopefully this awful virus will be over soon!