Overlooked

I made a statement no one saw coming in my high school senior night basketball game in February 2007.

It was the only varsity game I ever got to start. The only reason they let me was because it was senior night and I was a senior.

We gained possession off the tip. The point guard on my team brought the ball up the court. I was to her left on the wing behind the three point line. She passed me the ball when she reached the top of the key. I had enough space to shoot the three and I did by instinct without really thinking it through. The typical thing to do back then would have been to pass the ball around a few times before we took a shot.

Taking the shot was all a blur. I don't even remember looking at the basket first. To be honest, I don't think I did before the shot. It seemed like I shot first and then looked at the basket right after. I think my talent as a shooter just took over.

It went in!

Joy spread through me like adrenaline. First start. First points of the game. Nobody would have predicted it if you had asked.

The truth is it wasn't luck. I had always been a great shooter ever since I was a little girl. I once hit 19 three pointers in a row when I was shooting alone. The assistant coach didn't even believe me when I told him about it even though he knew I was a decent shooter. What I lacked was confidence as well as talent in the other parts of the game. I think one reason for my lack of confidence stemmed from my dysfunctional family environment at home. My parents did not show me that they believed in me. My dad told me more than a few times that I wouldn't amount to anything. They never attended my games and didn't even provide my transportation. I was also shy so playing in front of crowds made me really nervous. On top of that, I had suffered through being sexually abused from the time I was in eighth grade until I was a sophomore in high school.

A very talented coach left my team after my freshman year. I truly believe he would have pushed me to be a better player if he had stayed. If I had gotten the chance to grow as a player with him as my coach, I know I could have become a great shooter under the pressure of crowds watching. He would have helped me improve the rest of my game that kept me from getting playing time as well.

Under the new coach that replaced him, I was ignored. He did not attempt to teach me anything or improve my confidence. His favorite line to the team was, "I know some of you are just coming along for the ride." I have no doubt he thought of me as one of the players doing that. The truth is I think he was the one coming along for the ride.

To this day I still resent the previous coach for leaving even though he was tough on players. None of us liked him. Instead, I should have let the shot I made on senior night boost my confidence and remind me of my worth. All these years, I think in a way I have in part blamed the coach that left my team for my failures toward success in life. I let the new coach that overlooked me make me believe I was useless as a player. That, in turn, impacted how I saw myself when it came to succeeding at the things I wanted to do.

I realize now that it is up to me to motivate myself. This starts with loving myself. I cannot depend on support from others to fuel me. Of course, it helps anyone when they have it but in the end we only have ourselves to hold accountable for our outcomes.