In 2022 I promise...

To anyone who has been following my writing, I know you- too have had your fair share of rock bottoms and wake up calls your life.

We have both made decisions that left us alone in times that we couldn't bear to be.

We have left relationships where the love existed but was outweighed by negativity.

We have had to carve our own paths without a safety net.

You and I, alone, have both sat in the darkness knowing that the only way out- is through.

I am proud of my growth. I'm proud of the pain that birthed what would be the most growing I remember doing in a long time. But most of all, I'm excited to do even more in the coming year. But this time, there will be a few differences in what I expect of myself-as well as from others.

ON ABANDONMENT

This year, I learned that the majority of my abandonment issues were stemming from my own tendency to betray myself, my wants and my needs. I was the one undervaluing myself, and although this definitely affected my ability to truly be present in my connections with others, the relationship that suffered the most was that between Me, and Myself.

To begin to heal the ever-present wounds I gave myself a task that, at first, sounded exceedingly simple: Keeping one small promise to myself a day.

Not only was this an opportunity to create a routine, but it was also a chance to prove (to myself) that I can, in fact, do hard things ! There was also the cherry on top of learning to forgive my own capacity for human error.

It wasn't easy. I'm sure you know that. I created a list of tasks I had to complete daily, and I'll admit that at first I overestimated myself. I thought I could make my bed and exercise for 30 minutes every day- but it turned out that simply making my bed every day was the place to start.

If you take anything away from what I tell you here, let it be this: Making your bed once a day is enough. Having a glass of water a day is enough. Waking up is enough.

Once I had it programmed in my mind that making my bed was a daily occurence, and I was secure in this ONE daily promise, I was able to add another challenge to the list.

My Second Promise

It might not sound difficult, but for me- it has always been hard to make sure I eat a good meal at the start of every day. I was on medication now, (Lexapro, if you care) , and it was more important that I had eaten something before taking it. After years of trying and failing, I finally was making sure my bed was made, and my body was nourished, before worrying about absolutely anything ( or anyone ) else. Not only have I physically and emotionally felt better than ever- but because of how well taken-care of I am, I have found my ability to help others only expanding.

For the first time in my life- I built a routine that I was actually able to commit to, one that genuinely worked for me, and - spoiler alert- prioritising myself never ever ever caused anyone else pain.

Now, this isn't to say I don't mess up and skip breakfast or making my bed once in a while. As a matter of fact I did both of those things in the last week. But, it is to say that when it comes to the promises I make myself, I am keeping them more often than not, and my relationship with me is better than ever, which has done wonders for every other aspect of my life.

So, that brings me to the coming year, 2022. Rather than a resolution, I am going to do what works, and start by making the following promises:

1) To continue to PRIORITIZE myself- and my well-being above all.

2) To LET GO- of all that I can not control by writing those things down and accepting completely that they are not my problems to solve.

3) To REST- and let the day end when it is over by holding firm boundaries around my schedule, and by walking aways from things that drain my energy in my personal relaxation time.

And, yeah, I promise to always do a crazy dance when I feel down to make some of those sweet sweet happy hormones :)

If you're with me- remember to start as small as you need. As a matter of fact, start right now- with one deep breath.

Amazing.

We've got this.