I AM MY PROJECTS OF JOY

“It wasn’t until college an 18 year old roommate introduced me to Shanita.

All the negativity and hate had encompassed my soul, to the point where I didn’t recognize my flow.

You look as though you have weight on your shoulders, she told me.

Never once did I explain my life story.”

This is a line from the poem and program I wrote called “Unapologetically Me.” It was in reference to my freshman year roommate who I’ll refer to as “Worthy T” (for discretion purposes). I will always accredit “Worthy T” for opening my eyes in walking in worthiness. Everyone noticed I walked with my head held down. As she stated, “it was the weight of the world’s problems on my shoulders.” While others talked cruelly and mocked my lacking, “Worthy T” was the only person who had the compassion and caring heart to bring my weaknesses to my attention. From this moment on, I begin my journey, making it a mission to hold my head held high through this life. Little did I know it would take over a decade to accomplish.

Graduating from College and finding a job as a Youth Detention Counselor brought along new challenges and the reality of pure evil inside the world. My father told me “Shanita. You work in a place full of criminals. There are all kinds of people inside, such as bears, tigers, lions, and snakes. You have to view them as such.” My father was letting me know I needed to balance my heart with my mind. The reality was, I was unaware of the slight vulnerability and very gullible pieces of myself I allowed visible. I guess others saw what I needed them to see for my progress. I also met a person, who I’ll refer to as Ladies Love Cool C. (L.L.C. C. for discretion purposes) whom I now consider my friend and has stated the wisest, and most famous quote ever for me. It simply goes, “People are People.” This speaks volumes and can be used in any situation in life where you are trying to understand why people do the things they do. It reminds me of the famous verse “Forgive them for they know not what they do.” I nickname him L.L.C. C. because he is a smooth, wise, intuitive, idealistic, philosopher, meeting of the minds, thinker. And of course, he loves the ladies. Ms. Martin was a kind and healing friend of mine. I’ll never forget her words that prompted me to look at myself and change. Because of her, what had taken me three years to conceal, Ms. Martin broke in just one minute, with a short story, and just two sentences of knowledge. The first is, “When you hold onto things, you block your blessings.” The second is, “If you don’t forgive others for what they’ve done to you, how do you expect God to forgive you for things you’ve done?” I immediately forgave those who hurt me, and even spoke to my “introduction to heartbreak” the following day at work. I put aside all anger, and immediately cracked open the “good book” crafting my medicine over my open wombs. I soon wrapped bandages around as I continued healing on my chosen path.

My therapist was someone I found solace in at the time. As a professional and woman who knew her profession, I admired her abilities to crack my codes. I realized that even though I knew myself, we all, at times are lost in our triggers. Spending time in my words and my responses, disclosed past trauma, my pain, guilt, and sacrifice. We worked on unloading the guilt, breathing and awareness techniques, and establishing boundaries to create space for happiness in life. Sometimes, I asked advice on how to approach a conversation and she would come up with the right words. Other times, in all fairness, she forced me to answer what my triggers were. These two things prompted me to be conscious of my next moves.

A trip to Martha’s Vineyard brought me into the hands of a guided meditation session. The woman who conducted the meditation spoke four important phrases to my healing wounds. They were, “The most vulnerable people live the most vulnerablist lives,” “What is my right labor? What is my true expression?” Lastly, after a private session between her and I, she said, “I expected you to say to your younger self I can protect you now. Maybe you feel like you can’t protect yourself.” At that moment, I saw all the instances in my adult life where I failed to protect myself. My wounds then begin to close.

As a birthday present, a person I knew paid to have my astrological chart read. I don’t remember her mentioning I was a master number, I learned that later on. I do remember her telling me my chart capitalized on career. This was in 2017. Although I was already creating and crafting projects, I didn’t fully take her advice until 2020.

Later that year, I started a woman’s empowerment group/ book club named Beautifully Woven. The group met once a month, and for the first time, I felt alive. The sessions were powerful and opened opportunities for others to be empowered in a non-judgmental loving environment, encouraged them to pursue their mission in life, and enlightened to remove blockages, see other perspectives, and close unresolved issues. As the program grew, challenges arose during the sessions. After speaking to several group members for a resolve, Mrs. B. enlightened me on how bright I shinned. She encouraged me further by saying, “Don’t let other’s dim your light.” Lady J sat with me after a session just to remind me to focus on the knowledge I must give, and my power. “Nothing else should overpower that,” she said. I don’t remember verbatim her words, but I do remember the empowerment I felt afterwards.

Ms. Jackson was already in my life around this time. I helped with several community service events for her organization. I started my program under her organization in 2018. It was the “Unapologetically Me” program. I accredit Ms. Jackson for introducing to a friend of hers who gave me steps I needed to take for publishing my first book, allowing me to work with the youth at Carson Valley Placement Facility, and believing in my program and facilitation abilities. Ms. Jackson was also an aid to any prompts I needed. Introducing my first written program and facilitating it gave me a feeling out this word. As I stated in the poem, this was my start to fulfilling my life’s purpose. I also became an author of the children’s book “The Sun And the Moon.”

Yoga and meditation became two valuable essential pieces of my daily life. It inspired change. Making changes to close the gap between my mental and physical health seemed to bring down the crumbling weight of the tower on my back. Within the last past two years, I learned how to be comfortable in uncomfortable situations. I learned to be humble and appreciate all that I have. I learned to focus on myself, not let other’s block my blessings, to conquer the fear in having honest conversation, and stand unwavering in my power despite others who are feeling a need to dominate. With illnesses and sickness, I’ve learned to guide but not to impose. I’ve learned to think and speak pleasantly. (This is where the meditation piece comes in). When faced with adversity I am to remain strong. I’ve learned people will do nice things for you, but it doesn’t mean they have your best interest at heart. Never feel guilt-tripped and stand up for yourself when necessary. (Again, please use kind words). Never give up when contrast arises but make every day your happily ever after. In this life, live a life of full of your purpose. Now that I’ve had my share of adversity, I chose to wake up every day being thankful to smell the roses, giving thanks to the “Most High,” walking bare footed in the grass, singing, dancing, playing, laughing, writing, coaching, and growing in and through love. The journey has been rough, but it has also brought me a great sense of joy. The sandpaper for the craft has surely made my glow brighter. As I continue to do all of these things, I now see that all this time, I have been my own crafted project towards happiness!!

PIECES TO THE POEM “UNAPOLOGETICALLY ME”

“My heart still had a dream to awaken people to what was on the tip of a nozzle

Hadn’t recognized everything was fitting in a puzzle

See your life’s journey’s are to break, shake and make you

Out of all the degree’s, certificates, classes, self-reflection, therapy, and criticism

My big realization came at the age of 31 when I was introduced to spiritualism

It was only by the grace of God, who held, kept, carried, and blessed and gifted.

Forgiveness was my hardest lesson learned

This is when my life shifted

All the right people somehow came to fruition in my path

The odds of me being introduced to GLC was beyond mad

Now I’m here continuing to add fruit to my tree

This is my Unapologetically Me”

Written by Shanita Coleman

THE END

“JOY-A feeling of great pleasure and happiness. Love”