How To Cope

Terrible things happen in our lives, it is inevitable. It can seem daunting, overwhelming, and even make you feel suicidal. It's important to know the healthy ways to cope because the seemingly easiest ways to cope are the most dangerous. Trust me I have spent over a year trying to undo the damage. When I first got depressed I started saying screw it I'll just get drunk and party and then I wont have time to feel the pain. Before I even knew what was happening I was heavily addicted to alcohol and although I'm making some progress I remain an addict to this day. My advice is don't be arrogant, I thought before that addiction was an excuse people used to keep using. I am now more educated and I understand that addiction is a chemical change in the brain. I have beaten the addiction of nicotine, but now the addiction to alcohol consumes me. Addiction can take less obvious forms as well such as eating disorders or engaging in unnecessarily risky behavior. Like someone who may have been safe and careful and now they're hanging with people who use drugs or drink and drive regularly. I've seen so many people become collaterally damaged in this way. I am no stranger to the heaviness of pain. I lost my 23 month daughter to a violent car wreck and then 11 months later my father-in-law died of a massive heart attack. These deaths were hard to handle but just 6 years later my mother-in-law was also killed in a violent car crash. I am an extreme empath so naturally I also took on the weight of my wife's sadness. I wanted to be strong though. That's what men are right? We're supposed to be strong and never cry right? These are dangerous ways of thinking for men, and is thought to be one of the many reasons men commit suicide far more than women. Now I wish I had learned ways of coping earlier in life, butthe secret is there is no one right way to cope. I'm sorry to disappoint but there is no one particular formula that everyone can use to cope. Learning to cope is subjective, meaning that each person will cope differently. Therapy and counseling can be very good methods of coping if you are social and not really afraid to speak to others. I myself am an introvert with extreme social anxiety so just the thought of counseling and therapy terrifies me. Not all hope is lost for folks like us though, my suggestion would be to find something you love to do and focus on that. I love to fish, I love to write, and I love listening to music. So these are my coping mechanisms. Well they would be if I hadn't gotten trapped in my addiction. Never let yourself become addicted. Addiction is a deathtrap that leads only to prison or death. Believe me you dont want to have to explain to your kids that you're too depressed or hungover to play with them. Imagine being a kid and hearing that, you'd be crushed. This is why finding healthy ways to cope is imperative. Now it could be anything, theres not really any rules to coping. You could pick up more shifts if keeping busy helps. You could workout or beat a punching bag to release pent up frustration. You could go for a walk or hike through nature and just try to take in nature in all its beauty. It could be as simple as talking out how you feel with an old friend. What you absolutely do not want to do though is use substances, sexual promiscuity, or hanging with criminals to try to alleviate the pain. Sex and drugs both bring you a temporary dose of happiness but can leave you with much, much, more damage than you started with. My personal advice would be not to start any sexual or romantic relationships until you've learned your coping skills and how to use them effectively. I'm not trying to preach or speak down on folks my mission here is to hopefully give you some tools for a happier healthier life. I may not know you but here on earth we are all neighbors and I want you to have the best chance possible. I say these things so that you will not fall into the same destructive trap that me and many others have fallen into. If you haven't found your way to cope keep looking I love you and believe in you neighbor.