An awkward stage

I’m in an awkward stage, both mentally and physically.

I’m not old but I’m also not young. I’m in my thirty’s and have a son but I also, in my head, still feel like a young person. For example every so often my son will yell mom from downstairs or when I’m catching up with an old friend and I have that “what” moment and have to remind myself like ‘oh yeah I have a child’. It kind of funny but also a little sad. I can’t fathom being married but I’m also at that age so I’m constantly stuck in this weird mental area where I’m the responsible adult who is a mom but also that still a teenager who feels to young for all this responsibility or children, marriage and mortgage.

Yes I am well aware that people get married and have children even younger then I, a women in her thirties, but that’s them not me and right now we’re talking about me, so shut your reasonable rational mouth right up.

Then there’s the awkward stage of my physical. I’m not one of those bomb moms that’s all still fit with an hour glass shape and their life together. I don’t have a career I have a job that requires a uniform so I’m not into business wear. I don’t wear slacks and blouses. But I’m also not a young tenderonie anymore, I’ve had a child my stomach isn’t tight and toned anymore it’s more leaning toward the side of loose and jiggly so the fact that I can’t ever seem to find a regular shirt that’s not a damn crop top makes me feel with rage bordering on the side of hostile. I frequently imagine throwing a fit, flipping tables and rampaging threw the stores to make a point!

Why is it clothing brands cater too either the business class that has money to spend or the young that have less money but also less coverage? Like I keep mentioning I’m a mom I don’t want a crop top and daisy dukes! And these mom jeans are only loose in the leg area, can I get less tightness around my waist and undercarriage?! I mean really we already get no ventilation in the area….. also don’t even get me started on the lack of pockets on most jeans!

One other thing which is just my personal preference but leggings are not pants! I’m lazy okay, I’m fine with that, I even like it that way. So me parading around in leggings from a sports range feels like a lie! I don’t gym it so I will not pretend I have. Aside from the fact those pants also show my full lumpy cellulite’s shape they also like to show when your butt is hungry and decided to eat the material between your cheeks (wedgie). Let’s also not forget the camel toe! Ladies CHECK FOR CAMEL TOE!! No one, and I mean no one likes camel toe.

Now after reading this I’m sure we all see I have a flair for the dramatics and paint a vivid picture but if we are honest ladies I’m sure a lot of women have had these same thought. With social media (which I’ve grown up with) is pushing a false narrative of what the body looks like it’s hard to find comfort ability in your own body. And self love is a harder thing to have then to say. These beauty standards are ingrained as far into me as my DNA, yet the lack of options available for someone like me in this awkward space just makes it that much harder! Ill try though.