Healthy Masculinity
Guys, it's time we talked about this.
Men, Bros, Gentledudes... lend me your eyes.
The time has come to discuss what it looks like to express 'healthy' amounts of masculinity.
First, The Context.
- We grew up in a world which allowed men exactly one emotion to use without being called... [insert slew of homophobic terms we all know and don't need to be repeated]. That one approved emotion? Anger.
- Simultaneously, we grew up in a world which was becoming hip to the fact that men can't just be pissed off and abusive all the time. What do women really want? A sensitive man. A man in touch with his emotions.
^See the problem?
Second, The Deepening.
Over the course of the past few years, a very necessary and correct 'swing back' or 'correction' has taken place.
The rise of the Feminine Principle (the word Feminine here is used more in the sense of physic-al power, not gender) is something our world needed.
We have now arrived at the point where, if we press further into the Feminine Principle, we will create the same problem we had 'back in the day' with the runaway Masculine Principle... just on the other side of the spectrum.
Third, The Solution.
The Solution then, is to find the harmonious mid-point which I am calling, 'Healthy Masculinity'.
Healthy Masculinity looks like this:
- Men who are in touch with their emotions, but not ruled by them.
- Men who are allowed to cry, be hurt, feel something without being marginalized by other men (& women) (& society at-large).
- Men who are allowed to still be 'men' in whatever traditional way they choose to be. Fart, drink beer, watch football, play video games... run a company, coach a peewee sports team... chop firewood, cook meat over a fire, climb trees, build muscles.
- Men who are allowed to be 'men' in some new ways which men are not traditionally thought of as being. Dance, paint a landscape, sit quietly in nature... help an injured animal, volunteer at a senior home... be a stay-at-home Dad, sew clothing, cook, do laundry.
- Men who can still become angry, but they do so when the context is appropriate... when anger is called-for. And then (this is key), they have the patience to stick around afterward, to listen to feedback from others who had to experience/be on the receiving end of their anger, and grow from the experience.
- Men who can take the best of traditional Masculinity (it did have some up-sides)... and blend that with the best of modern/new Masculinity; the Masculinity which has benefitted from/been tempered by the recent rise of Femininity. Blend both, take the best of both versions.
Healthy Masculinity is an ongoing conversation.
It's not a box that is checked once and then done.
(Sidenote: The above section also applies in-structure to Healthy Femininity. Some of the details may change around, but the structure is the same.)
What else is Healthy Masculinity, to you?
How would you describe it?
Would love to hear/read your thoughts in the comments. 🤘💙
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If this piece resonated with you, here are a few others you may also enjoy:
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Comments (18)
Thanks for the post!!! I am of Norwegian heritage, and if you know anything of it (or think the movie Fargo), they are a very stoic people. I have learned to finally cry, at proper times, openly and unapologetically. It’s a release and sort of a cleansing. More men have to share these feelings - especially with other men (most likely their best bud/bromance partner)
This is an excellent Top Story, we are featuring it in our Community Adventure series and would love you to join us in Vocal Social Society if you are on Facebook
To me, healthy masculinity is when men are allowed to cry, as you mentioned, without being judged or called weak. Men should be able to express their emotions without being judged. How I see it is, men and women are both humans. Why is it okay for one to show emotions but not okay for another? Congratulations on your Top Story, Tony!
Very well thought out and presented. Also, 100% on the money. Great Post.
Very well put! Brilliant & Profound! Well done!
Love this
Congratulations
Buy my supplements to be healthier.
What an insightful, educated and well-balanced piece, Tony... I'll be sharing this with the men in my life, for sure. I'm so glad to see such an important conversation starter in our new Men's community. Thank you!
Love it I agree ☝️ with everything you said! 🥰🥰🥰🥰😍I love men and appreciate their masculine qualities! Congratulations on top story🥰😍😍
I agree with this 💯! Great points, Tony! Also agree that this is a continuous conversation- not just checking a box and done. Very well thought out and written! So glad you shared this! 🎯
Excellent ideas. Healthy masculinity should be based in authenticity, sense of self, and understanding of your own value to the world.
Fantastic conversation starter. Well done. 👏👏👏
Anger as the only allowed emotion is a reductive reading of traditional gender norms for males. As far back as I can remember, popular culture has presented a range of male emotions as admirable, at least in context – joy, passion, sadness at loss, etc. Nor did I, growing up, see males being ridiculed or ostracized for having these emotions in real life. What is definitely true, though, is that emotions associated with weakness or mental pain have been prohibited and suppressed, with deadly consequences. I don’t think the answer to “what do women really want in men?” has ever included an indiscriminate sensitivity, even if it’s often abbreviated in that way. Rather, it has been something like an emotional awareness combined with empathy and emotional control. In other words, much of what you present as the “harmonious midpoint” was always already latent, if not explicit, in what you call “the rise of the feminine principle.” As for “healthy masculinity,” it means nothing to me, because I don’t think norms for ideal behavior should be arbitrarily portioned with cookie cutters. Being aware of your emotions but not ruled by them; showing courage and taking care of the weak; being competitive and ambitious when it’s called for; being nurturing and empathetic, etc. – these are good for anyone, regardless of what they have in their pants. Whether you’re John McClane, a grandma, or E.T., those are good ideals. The best definition for gender norms I’ve seen is “genital astrology.” While it’s true that physiological differences, on average, tend to predispose different bodies to certain behavioral differences, and while it is also true that sexual polarities make us desire these differences in each other, I see no good argument for adding any cultural, prescriptive enforcement of conformity on top of such “natural” predispositions. Can’t these latter take care of things by themselves, so that the only cultural normativity on top of that is “anyone can be whatever they want to be, if not hurting others”?
Great read. I’ve always viewed it this way
I love this article. When I was young, I experienced the negative aspect of this correction. Imagine if you will, a child (boys mostly but not exclusively) who has too much energy and won't sit still. What's the solution? Take away recess and make them sit still for longer. That was how I was treated with the expected negative feedback loop. My primary school vice principle took a different approach. A modified corporal punishment. Make the kid run laps in the gym. It worked like a charm! Shame he was reprimanded and disciplined by the board for achieving results.
Great article. Congrats on the TS.
A great article, Tony. I'll be answering your question with an article or two in this community - as soon as I can make the time.