He Patiently Waited
While I Wondered aimlessly through the year.
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This was the year, This is the year, the year I lost myself and found myself in the same 9 months. While my husband patiently waited. Now don’t get me wrong there were days when he decided to get up from that rock and walk away , but if I said ok leave, he sat back down, looked me in my face and said I made a vow, I am going to keep it until my dying breath.
My husband Wasn’t the only man waiting on me this year. There was another relationship that I had put completely on the back burner. This relationship no longer had my devotion. This relationship no longer had my attention. This relationship no longer had my passion. Again, this man patiently waited. As a matter of fact this man would take time to beckon me back to his feet. There were days that I heard him sing the most beautiful songs over me. At 4 o’clock in the morning he would tap me on the shoulder and ask me, won’t you sit with me. He patiently waited.
The quality of having a husband that loves you like Christ and having a relationship with Christ who’s love will never fail many days left me speechless. While I was digging a grave to bury myself alive in , I found the true meaning of grace, and was given a real life example of redemption.
9 months, this is a journey that I will walk you through at a different time. But the number is significant and life giving. It’s the planting, developing, stretching, labor pain, and birth season. I don’t know why I am left so speechless with the amount vision that now sits in the pit of my belly. It makes perfect sense. The purging old to prepare for new, the weight gain of over eating , yet the vomiting of what was toxic. For the mornings I decided greatness wasn’t coming from me, and decided I wasn’t worthy for God to develop me, those were the days I experienced sickness. I experienced depression, I experienced suicidal thoughts, I experienced anxiety, and intense belly pain. It was two worlds fighting against each other. The seed at one time planted by God was saying you will be great, and help many , and my flesh was saying I am not worthy. I am inadequate, reminding the seed of my sin while the seed reminded me of my redeemer. The seed declared a marriage that would stand strong through adversity, and bounce back from disloyalty. The seed revealed quick healing, forgivesness, and onward movement while my flesh desired the opposite. My mind caved to divorce and sleeping my days away, fighting over and over became my norm while the seed continued to fight for the opposite, and continued to develop...
and they waited........ while my husband is not Christ, he deserves a medal, and while Christ did not approve my stance , He never plucked me from His hands. They simply waited it. Day after day , month after month.
All of the sudden I begin to nest. The seed inside of me had taken its own life form, and begin to operate in a way that it could not be ignored. As I began to listen, Jesus physically took my hand and begin to lead me back to the garden where my original purpose had been abandoned. The life form inside of me leaped with Joy, knowing that Jesus was healing the the voids. These voids were being filled with peace and strength while releasing toxins, it caused tears and pain but I was becoming whole again.
Jesus had my hand, My husband had the other. The wait was over . I found myself again ♥️
My revelation is simple, I lost myself physically and spiritually. To become whole God had to work on voids that were attached to traumas in my life. This came through prayer, counseling, and praying friends. Once I started working on the sore places in my heart, I became more available to my husband.
KaraSimone
CEO- A LOVE THAT WONT FAIL MARRIAGE MINISTRY
About the Creator
KaraSimone Pennybaker
So much is inside of me, not to write it out causes a slow bleed, if bleeding is not what I have already been doing. Then I concede, Pen to paper is where wisdom is applied from the depth of my heart, thoughts, through my fingers to my pen
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