Different Standards

Recently, I engaged in a discussion with my ex-fiance' about the word "great". He told me that he was doing great in life. We had been having a heated discussion because he wanted to move into my new house with me and my son, and we are not ready for that kind of living arrangement in our life or in our relationship.

My son and I are living on our own and are not ready for him to move in with us. My ex-fiance' is not in a place in his life where he is emotionally mature enough to deal with a professional and a child that is on the Autism Spectrum. It takes the patience of Job and much understanding to be able to deal with children on the spectrum. He does not have the training or experience to deal with a child like my son nor has he taken the time or interest in doing this in the past.

We come from two different worlds. I come from a world in which individuals are expected to have an education and a career. Also, I am an overachiever and an academic who is always achieving and pushing myself to strive to be the best version of me. He comes from a world where he did not have to graduate from high school or get his GED. He was able to get a job and work the hours he wanted to work. He has experienced issues in life that I have never experienced; however, he has managed to persevere, despite those issues.

According to my standards and the way I was raised, “great” means that you have a career, you are paying your mortgage or rent on time, you are able to pay for your vehicle, all of your bills, you have food to eat, clothes, medical insurance, retirement, your health, and plans for your future. I could think of more things that would cover the definition for the word “great”. I do pay attention to people around me and see how they live and all the things they have and the things that they are able to do. I am not in the same position as them due to my career as an educator and my choice to be single. I know sometimes things are not what they seem when you are on the outside looking in and people are not always what they seem either.

However, I am working toward my goal of paying off my debt and building a nest egg so I can have retirement money to live comfortably in my life. I do not consider being “great” to mean paying $300 rent a month to my parent, driving an old car that is about to die, having to move in with someone of the opposite gender to live off of them, having no medical insurance, no retirement, making $19 an hour after working for the same employer for fifteen years, and asking your ex-fiance’ where she is taking you to eat all the time.

In summary, my thinking is that we have different definitions of the word “great” based on how we were raised and our standards of living. I admire people who can live off so little and be happy with their life. I am a planner, and I try to plan for everything. When I was younger and I entered the world of education, I wanted to plan for my retirement because I thought it was the responsible thing to do. Then I became a parent and began planning for other things and preparing for life insurance in case of my sudden death. I could not imagine not thinking about all these things and just leaving my loved ones to deal with everything and making their lives more frustrating if something were to happen to me.

“Doing great” to me has to do with thinking more of others than I do of myself and preparing for the future. I want all of our futures to be bright and well thought out with as little frustration as possible. I do not want to leave a legacy of debt and mess behind for my loved ones to deal with when I am gone. I also want to try and prepare for life's little emergencies because if I have learned anything along the way it is that things are going to happen and it will happen when you least expect it. I absolutely hate having to ask family members for money or a loan; therefore, I want to have the money I need to pay for the repairs on my own. Dave Ramsey teaches us about using a little money for special things and taking the rest of it to invest in our future after all of our bills for the month are paid. I consider his approach to be doing "great" in life.