The Wrong Foot

I felt dirty as I walked out of the job interview. Did I just get played? The answers they wanted were clearly written all over their faces, so I gave them exactly what they were looking for. If they knew I was full of shit they didn't seem to mind. They hired me on the spot. Why did I accept? This job seems horrible. But the pay is better than I'd get anywhere else.

Once the elevator doors had swallowed me whole, I leaned back against the handrail and pulled out my little black notebook.

• $3500/month
• - 700 rent
• - 100 phone
• - 400 food
• - 400 misc
• $1900

Even after taxes, I could have my student loans paid off within a year. Easy.

My hand shook a little as I pulled out a cigarette. It was lit before the building's main doors had even finished closing behind me.

Him: Can I bum one of those?

I looked down to see a homeless man sitting huddled on the sidewalk, half-covered in a dirty stiff-looking blanket. I passed him the smoke I'd just lit and sat down beside him, lighting another as I slid my back down the wall.

He smelled strongly of B.O. and faintly of stale whiskey. One of his big toes was sticking out of a hole in his sock.

Me: Dude, where are your shoes?

Him: Some jackass stole them right off my feet while I was sleeping. Can you believe that shit?

Yeah, I had no problem believing that at all. If I got black-out drunk enough to actually be able to sleep on the street, I probably wouldn't wake up even if someone was stealing the shirt off my back. My shoes would be child's play.

I aimed carefully and flicked my butt into a puddle on the street. The soft hissing sound soothed me a little. I pulled out two more and lit one off the other.

Him: You shouldn't smoke you know. People your age should know better.

Me: Yeah yeah. I know. I'm quitting as soon as exams are done.

Him: Sure you are. So are you gonna take this job?

I looked him in the eyes for a moment. They were brown with a hint of green. I was about to ask him how he knew but realized he must sit here every day watching people come and go.

Me: I've got too much debt not to. Just for one year though. After that, I'll be able to find something better.

Him: But you won't. In one year what, you'll have your student loans paid off? That's how they get ya. Then they'll give you a raise and you'll decide to stay six more months. That way you could afford a well-earned vacation. Six months will become a year, so you can have a little cushion in your bank account before you quit. Then you'll be well on your way to the down payment they'll tell you you need for a house. So you'll tell yourself, just five more years. Five more years so you can really be free. On and on until one day you'll have everything they told you you needed and nothing that you actually wanted.

Me: Well isn't that just fucking depressing. Guess that's why I'm sitting here chain-smoking with you.

We sat in silence as we smoked our thirds. With his last few drags, he blew perfect O's. Impressive. I could never do that outdoors because of all the movement in the air.

Me: Alright, common man. There's a thrift store just down the block. Let me buy you some shoes.

Him: Fuck you. I don't need your charity. I'm not poor, I'm doing penance.

Me: Penance for what?

Him: For working in a place like this. For making the planet a little bit worse, instead of a little bit better.

Me: Well, do it for me then. Let me feel good about myself for one more day before I sell my soul. Besides, if you end up needing a foot amputated, you're just gonna become a drain on the system. So do everyone a favour and let me buy you some damn shoes.

I thought I saw a twinkle in his eye as he conceded and stood up.

Me: Watch your feet. The last thing either of us needs is for you to step on some glass.

***

A few people wrinkled their noses at us as we made our way to the back of the store. My new friend's smell was amplified somewhat indoors.

Me: What size are you?

Him: Nine and a half.

I grabbed a decent pair of runners off the shelf and handed them to him.

Me: Try these on.

Him: No, what about those ones there?

He pointed at a pair of worn tan boots.

Me: Those don't have many miles left on them.

Him: No, but I could get those laces knotted up real good so no one'd be able to get 'em off of me.

I couldn't argue with his logic.

Me: Alright. Just try them on first. There's nothing worse than walking around in shoes that don't fit.

The sales clerk looked uncomfortable as she rang up my purchase. I got the impression she would have stopped us at the door if she'd seen us on our way in.

Sales Clerk: Twelve dollars and sixty-five cents.

I handed her a twenty-dollar bill and she gave me my change.

As we walked out of the store, I dropped the change into one of the boots and handed them over.

Me: Use that to get yourself a sandwich or something. Okay?

He sat down on the steps and carefully tied his new boots on tight.

Him: Gimme your email.

Me: Um...really?

Him: Yes. I told you I don't take charity. Gimme your email so I can pay you back when I can.

The look on his face told me it was pointless to argue. I sat down beside him, pulled out my little black notebook and opened it to the first blank page. I glanced at my calculations from earlier. Just one year, I told myself.

I scribbled down my email address and tore out the page.

Him: You like the ones with the dots eh?

Me: Yeah man. They're the best of all worlds. Good for writing and for sketching.

He pointed at my calculations.

Him: Don't take that job. If I see you again, you're not getting your twenty bucks back.

I didn't expect I'd get it back either way. But I didn't mind. It was a good excuse to eat mac-and-cheese for dinner this week.

Me: Alright, I gotta get to the library before it closes. Take it easy, dude.

He tucked the piece of paper I'd handed him into the side of his new boot.

Him: Ya, get outta here.

***

On my way home later, I stopped at a bench near the water to write about my day. By the time I was done, the sun was setting. I stared at the pinks and blues and purples rippling in the water, playing the homeless man's words over and over in my mind. I wanted my debt paid off asap, resenting that I was starting off in life a step behind. But I couldn't shake the feeling that he was right. It felt like a trap.

My phone made the email notification noise so I pulled it out of my pocket. It was an auto-deposited e-transfer - for twenty thousand dollars. I stared at it in disbelief.

Memo: So you never have to walk around in shoes that don't fit.