Rediscovering my love for words

It has been a while since I sat down and started writing - 7 years to be exact and I missed it.

Where was I you might think? Why did I stop?

What started as a hell of a spiral, turned into a shift in who I was and in the mix I lost myself, and after 7 years, I have finally regained the spark I once had.

For those of you that don’t know me, I launched my YouTube and Blogging journey 10 years ago, which feels like a long time now, but it was something me and my friends did together. I tried so hard to fit myself into the mold of the perfect YouTuber, doing trends and Vlogmas to get out there. Though I didn’t gain many Subscribers, it was a great creative outlet and I do miss it.

So in 2024, after turning 26, I decided this was my year to do things and recreate my idea of creativity and reboot my imagination. I had lost my spark and I was beginning to think I would never get back into things, they were for the younger and lost version of me. But I thought, why can’t I do this, why am I holding myself back?

I guess that would require me to go back to 7 years ago, I had just moved to the UK and I was at the precipice of my new life and adventures. I had always been the nice and quiet kid that never said boo to a goose, but something inside me broke when the first person I ever loved broke up with me, and like the young self-loathing teenager I was, it sparked the biggest mental breakdown.

Now you might think, why did it spark this? My whole life I had always put everyone else first, and I still do to be honest, more than I should. But with some childhood trauma in the back seat, and the experience of leaving your whole life and friendship support system behind in the front seat, I was driven over the ravine with the blame of someone’s mental health deteriorating.

What was so bad about my mental breakdown? Well I lost myself, everything bad that I tucked away came out. I didn’t value myself at all, and in turn did not value what support system I built for myself. From obsessive thoughts about my appearance, lack of self control when I drank, losing the ability to care about what everyone else thought of me, I managed to land myself in a whole bunch of trouble with my family, friends and mental health.

I truly lost myself and my creative side through this, I had no motivation, I was simply just living day in and day out. It was made worse by chasing the bad boy of course. I know what a cliche, moved away, had a mental breakdown and fell for the bad boy! Who could believe this crap?!?

But that is what happened, and I truly believe if it wasn’t for my close friends and my now long term boyfriend I would have spiraledspiralled out of control completely.

We got together in 2016, and boy oh boy it has been my greatest adventure. Through the downs in COVID and regaining my mental strength. And the ups of traveling, moving in with each other and planning our life.

Fast forward 7 years, and since then I have had a lot of time for personal growth. I have now taken up running, reading books and now looking to launch my creative career again. Oh and I am also moving back home in September!

With my chapter of life in the UK coming to a close it felt right to reflect on where I went wrong and where I am now learning to thrive and love my creativity and myself again.

Stay tuned for more blogs, as I share my moving journey and my journey through recovering myself.

You can also tune in for more content on my other platforms.

Charlotte

xxx