Here is the beginning of something great.

A love letter addressed to me from me:

I have watched you improve immensely in many aspects of life. If people knew you from years back, it would be so surreal to think that you went so far from where you were before. It wasn’t even around a half “easy way out” story because life as it started for you was rigged, then you had to go through depression, then anxiety went for you until you went for it next.

The pandemic changed many things, but it became an opportunity, it allowed you to heal on a pace you preferred. After several revolving doors to the counselor and psychologists’ offices, it was now the turn of a Bipolar disorder diagnosis to unfold. Every struggle was a battle but you were not alone. I have always told you that I won’t let you down because you wouldn’t even let embarrassment happen as that would just crumble your defenses. Life was great, still is even at this point. You could call it a crazy ride, because it really is. As crazy as it is, it’s still so meaningful. Who would have thought God would take mom first when she was the last person you didn’t want to lose first? And who would ever go through and overcome those challenges unless it was you?

Now, faced with mortality, you get scared. Rightfully so! You’re just 22 and currently on the line-up to graduate college. But after all that has happened, look at where you are now. Look at the progress you made. I know you want to be steps closer to your dreams and goals. That’s where you are headed each day and I know you are very excited for it too.

Should I brag more? You were persistent because you wanted mom to be proud of seeing you getting up each day. Despite the vulnerabilities to stressors and the criticisms from being in the minority, you got even stronger. You wanted to prove something and you succeeded as always because you now believed in yourself. You’re confident than ever and know without a doubt, full-on in your heart that mom is very proud — such a significant increase in confidence of someone, that you could have never gotten if you given up and stayed being a person pushed to the cliff, hanging on a branch with anxiety.

You made sure to be consistent with medications, counseling and therapies, workouts even, and continuous learning to improve and be better each day in every aspect of life, further buying various self-development books using student money, all to ignite your passion of getting information and applying all the nonfic elements to this real life that keeps knocking you over. But, you also stand up over and over.

Like I said previously, your life was not an easy one for sure. Situations like yours outright need the strengh and bravery to sustain and still improve. Which I believe you have gained from the countless trial-and-errors, solving this and thats, and breathing in-and-outs. Life goes on, and you are incredible for being who you’ve become.

You’re also very future-focused which explains why anxiety grasped you by the neck and then you’d struggle. But you’d take charge, you acknowledged this. It was a power you possessed but also a weakness on the side. It was something to be responsible of, as it had a relationship with your current mental disorder diagnosis. Then, it would also flare up your drive to keep trying and be better than you were the previous day. You liked to believe that mistakes and failures are all opprtunities for growth because it would mean that there is room for improvement. You just wouldn’t give up. The motivation well couldn’t run dry, it has infinite reserves. 15-year-old you would have been confused to oblivion because he was doing a daily streak of being down in the dumps.

Because you found solace in feeling and being a human, you wanted to return the favor and share your stories, to become a creator too. Art was everything to you and you could see beauty everywhere you go. You love nature crazy lot, because it reminds you of mom. You wanted people to appreciate her so you kept improving yourself so people would be proud too — such a silly loving advocacy. Apparently, developing yourself was beneficial to achieve all those goals you created. In order to get to the finish line you were thinking about, you formulated a plan so full of passion and maximized what time left you had in school before so you could return to a stronger version after mom left.

You realized that self-compassion shouldn’t be forgotten and you gave it to yourself — because things would crumble if you didn’t. You even turned into a health-junkie running on minimal amounts of stress and anxiety healthy enough to not induce negative side effects. So, now it feels like payback time and you enjoyed solving your problems and looks over doing the same with others. You wanted people to remember that you are a person who has so much love to give. And that is what this story is about, as it begins.

Love, me