Black Beauty

Out of the colors in the box, most of us will choose the brightest hues. As we pick new colors to use, the darkest one will surely be left out. Sadness will prevail for that certain color, as it might think it is not good enough in the eyes of others. That melancholic color can be found near the end of the box, while the brighter colors enjoy their placement at the forefront. Black is grief. Black is darkness. But I'll tell you, black is beauty.

I see myself as the color black. I always get disappointed when people do not see my worth. I became so self-conscious that I constantly worried about what others thought of me, to the point that I would change myself just to fit in. And when I get mistreated, I always make sure to get my revenge. Black resides in me, and I think people see me as this color and made me become this color. Surely, there is darkness within me, but others also see me as a mix of red, orange, yellow, and more. I have a colorful personality that, when mixed, produces the color I associate with. Hence, I would like others to see me like this color.

Mixing all the hues produces the color black. Just like at the beginning of my life, I started as bright and cheerful as the colors of the hue, but tainted in the eyes of many. I absorbed what others said, and that produced darkness. It's hard to blend in. But in reality, I started to like the color black. White shines because of black. Because of the darkness in me, I got to see my own shine.

Sadness will prevail for that certain color as it believes it is not good enough in the eyes of others. That melancholic color can be seen near the end of the box, while the brighter colors enjoy their placement at the forefront. That certain color will avenge itself and make sure that its shade is powerful enough to change your perception of the other colors. Black is grief. Black is darkness. But I'll tell you, black is beauty.

Growing up with a dark complexion, I truly know there is nothing wrong with it. I used to embrace my own color simply because it made me unique. But thoughts came to my mind that uniqueness isn't always the best thing. There was a time when my own family called me names because of my skin color, as I was the only one in the family with this complexion. Being called names I did not like struck me deeply and made me hesitant to embrace this so-called uniqueness. Even my classmates had their own ways of making remarks about it. My favorite neighbor, who is also my godmother, always made jokes about it. My childhood friend didn't pick me to be part of a game simply because of my complexion. These were little things, but their impact on my own standard of beauty drastically changed me. Because of that, I became something I did not like.

Black resides in me. To ensure I would not be mistreated again, I started to treat others as they treated me. I gave them awful names, as bad as they had given me. As they judged me, I learned to judge them too. I realized that if I didn't do this, they would forever call me those names, and I would forever be hurt physically, emotionally, and mentally. I became authoritative on the outside but as soft as cotton on the inside. Thoughts of darkness because of my experience. I became the color black because I didn't want to stay in my own box.

Mixing all the hues produces the color black. Just like at the beginning of my life, I started as bright and cheerful as the colors of the hue, but tainted in the eyes of many. I absorbed what others said, and that produced darkness. It's hard to blend in. But in reality, I started to like the color black. White shines because of black. Because of the darkness in me, I got to see my own shine.

(A journal of an 18-yearl old me)