Where Has My DNA Been?

I sit here today on the porch, in the shadow of the pear tree, watching the Yellow Jackets swarm. Fall is upon us. I am tired—deeply tired forbidden tired.

I look down at my hands and think, "How much of other people's money has passed through my hands, not a penny of my own." I sit quietly, thinking of what should have been. That's how the entitlement monster eats my soul, whispering, "You should have more by now." and "You should have made better choices all along."

I watch the wind blow. The trees sometimes part as if the large creature were going to step from between them. The leaves flow and turn over, a sign there will be rain soon. I imagine myself looking back in time in the same spot millions of years ago, "Would the bird's song be the same? Would there be the same creatures?" Answering myself, "I suspect not." I look down at my hands, five fingers, five toes. Some parts of my DNA have been on this Earth several eternities. Some of it Kings and Queens, others Peasants and Potters. There have been thousands come before me.

I sit here looking at my hand's imagine coming from a creature so tiny as an Opossum to a small Monkey to this creature capable of so much evil and good. I glare at my hands, "How much of my DNA has participated in the evil and good?" I murmur out loud. "When my great grandparents were their shining best, what gifts did they pass on to me that I can't seem to shake?" I sit for a moment, knowing knowledge has its place, but it is not the end-all or the cure for social ills. There's learning something on a mental level where you can visualize it in your mind, and you can say, "I've got it." Then there is "Knowing a thing on a gut level." When you can, I know it.

I sit in my seat, lean back sip my tea. I wonder what my DNA has been through its lifetimes, the personalities it's gone through to become me. People think DNA just shows up when we're born. I usually chuckle and walk away. "What has it taken to mold me so far to make me who I am?" I pondered. "Maybe I was an aardvark once." I giggle to myself and imagine cave dwellers dining out that night. "Maybe, I was some unrecognized genius that the world never heard of and was lost to history."

I look at my hands again and think. "How would the symphony of my human history sound? Would it be grand? If all the people that it took to make me came together to sing in a choir."

I sit still deep in thought, "Are they still with me in some untouchable way? Unseeable with my eyes?" I close my eyes breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth. I ask myself, "How would I communicate with a group of entities if that were possible? Psychic's, maybe?" I decided against that adjusting my sitting position.

I can feel the warm breeze. The air flows over me as if it were giving me a soft hug.

I hear a thump a large pear falls. I can't help but wonder, "What if our cosmos is like a pear? It grows and expands slowly at first, then quickly as it ripens. What if we are just so tiny we can't see the fibers of the pear but only see between the fibers. I do know this. There is more to be discovered. There will always be more to learn." I get up, moan slightly and watch the Sunset.