The best way to fight anxiety, for you who are very tired

Early in my career, I worked as a psychological counselor, but now my primary focus is writing. During my counseling days, I dealt extensively with cases of anxiety disorders. Clients with anxiety often presented a mix of symptoms, including depression, panic, anxiety, and somatization.

For example, one client would uncontrollably tremble at the sound of a doorbell, needing to hold onto walls and move slowly to answer the door. Another client, anxious about his startup, would constantly check his phone from the moment he woke up until he went to bed, absorbing all news and updates. One day, he woke up to find he couldn't understand a single word of the news on his phone.

No matter how many symptoms anxiety may combine, its root cause is tied to one key element: the loss of protection for our soft inner core.

Everyone has a soft inner core, known by various names such as the center, soul, inner self, true nature, or life force. When connected to this core, a person experiences a body-mind unity - a flowing state that harmonizes with nature and the mind's original field, fostering a creative energy flow.

This delicate life force exists in all living consciousness, enhancing happiness, joy, health, healing, and the power to achieve dreams. To create happiness, maintain beautiful relationships, and succeed in our careers, we must connect with our soft core.

When you open yourself to the world, whether to relationships, larger goals, or challenges, this tender core needs to feel a protective layer - like your skin, breathable, organic, and elastic. In our ongoing work, we call this the "second skin."

This second skin can filter out harmful elements while absorbing beneficial ones from our environment. When our soft core extends into the world and feels the protection of the second skin, we become both soft and grounded.

However, if this softness is exposed without protection, anxiety arises.

Photo by Jordan Whitt on UnsplashSome therapeutic methods suggest that anxiety should be eliminated or numbed. However, this approach also dulls our living sensations, our ability to touch and interact with others, and we become numb. Many people often use a collapsing strategy - overthinking, holding their breath, and tensing their bodies - to try and protect their soft core. This tightness only exacerbates anxiety.

Here, we invite you to use a healthier method - bringing human connection and protection to this soft place, making it an integral part of the whole. At this moment, you can feel that you are the bridge between two realms - you are the bridge between your boundaries and the world, between your inner soft core and the outer world.

By practicing humane support and responses, you can understand that anxiety does not kill you; it can become a powerful resource. Therefore, our goal is not to remove anxiety. As Dr. Jeffrey Sado says, the worst advice for anxiety might be to suggest relaxation. People often feel like victims of anxiety, as if it descends from nowhere.

If a client comes in with excessive anxiety, even with somatic reactions, it's crucial not to say, "Relax, breathe… don't be nervous, relax…" That is ineffective. When someone's anxiety level includes somatic responses or panic attacks, I describe it as if they are already surfing the wave. I cannot tell them to calm down; the only thing I can do is accompany them in surfing.

Once, a client experienced a panic attack triggered by anxiety during a session. His body trembled uncontrollably, and he said, "I can't do this, I'm shaking, it's getting worse…" I responded:

"It's okay, I'm here with you. Imagine you're surfing… come on, let's surf together… find your balance… let your body find a way to dance with the waves… How does your body want to express itself? Like this? Or like this, or perhaps this way…"

I guided him, encouraging him to move his body, flowing from one energy to another. We surfed from one wave to the next, accompanying him in different surfing movements, like a dance on the crest of the waves. About 20 minutes later, we completed the surfing process, gliding from the turbulent currents to calm waters. Reaching the shore, I looked at him gently and firmly:

"See, we are safe… you can surf, we navigated through the stormy waves together, and we are okay. Now, we are safe… that energy didn't kill you, you are alive… we have the power to create different life experiences… isn't it wonderful to realize that?"

As Rainer Maria Rilke said in his poem "Foreboding":

I am like a flag surrounded by vast space, I sense the coming winds and must live through them, While everything beneath is still, Closed doors, silent chimneys, Windows not moving, heavy dust. I recognize the storm and I am excited like the sea, I unfold and retract, I detach myself, Placed alone in the great storm.

Everyone can use their inherent bodily wisdom, using your life force to unfold, contract, and flow - contraction and expansion are the rhythms of life. If a compassionate, kind observer brings duality into a safe space, into coherent flow, you can realize:

You have the ability to place yourself in the midst of great storms, amidst impermanence, surfing and dancing in the changing tides. In this dance, you do not lock up your soft center but connect with it, creating a vibrant future under your companionship.

Whenever we feel anxious, we need to know that our inner soft soul is triggered, and it needs to feel the protection of a "delicate" field. We practice creating a wonderful second skin for it, and then we can embark once again on the ceaseless journey…

Existential therapy master Irvin Yalom said: those who engage in life are destined to be anxious; those who avoid life are destined to be depressed. We must practice finding a sweet balance in life.