The affectionate daughter

How can a father make his daughter understand his gender identity? And how would a child respond in such a situation?

This is the story of Jessalyn Pilar from Quezon City, a college student. She told her father's story of how she embraced and overcame obstacles despite her father's gender.

She remembered when they were still in the province and she was studying for Kindergarten and Grade 4. It was there that she first encountered unjust treatment from others. She was bullied, and the other kids told or shouted at her, "Your father is gay!"

She had no idea why the other kids were telling her this. So, one day, she asked her mother, and her mother admitted that her father was gay. She had no reaction when she discovered her father was gay, probably because she overlooked many things before. But she gets offended when someone says something negative about her father.

Their life in the province was fulfilling, but her parents, particularly her father, chose to move to Manila in hoping for better opportunities.

However, their city existence has not been simple because they witnessed firsthand how difficult it was to work. They pay expensive prices for housing, water, electricity, food, and other necessities. And even in the city, they have been subjected to judgmental and harsh words from others.

Jessalyn was bullied again when she was in fifth grade. It was her first academic year in Manila. Her classmates started bullying her after they found out her father was gay.

She also attacked them after they repeatedly bullied her until their teacher and the parents of her classmates discovered what had happened, but she did not tell her parents.

She confesses that she made a mistake. She made the wrong decision to attack her bullied classmates because it was not what her parents taught her. Her parents did not raise her in that way. Despite being an only child, she is not overly spoiled. And since then, she has not been hurt by her parents.

“It is fine if they continue to hurt me as long as I do not hear hurtful words about my father,” Jessalyn said.

The bullying persisted until she completed Grade 6 and junior High school. But it wasn't as horrible as it had been because she had so many friends who could defend her.

She learned a lot from her horrible experiences in primary school, which led her to protect herself and tell herself, “My parents never hurt me, so why would I allow other people hurt me?”

She asserted she didn't want to hear any unkind things about her father because she isn't ashamed of his gender. She understands her father's difficulties and sacrifices.

Her father completed high school. He returned to TESDA to study manicures and pedicures. Being a father, husband, and student is not a simple task. Therefore, it saddens her when others criticize her father. They had no idea about her father's hardships, and she had seen it all.

“I never stop thanking and loving my parents. I always say, "I LOVE YOU, Ma" and "I LOVE YOU, Pa" to make them feel good or to express my gratitude since I know everything they do is for me,” she tearfully said.

These experiences taught her how to defend herself against criticism and physical or emotional assault from others.

“We should know how to defend ourselves. Please do not allow anyone to hurt or judge us,” she said.

Jessalyn learnt to appreciate and care for everything she owns, especially her parents, because they are not always present to support and care for her. She also did not blame or regret that her father was gay. Instead, she is proud that she had such experiences. She is thankful since her parents allowed her to experience life and see the world.