She’s Named After What Many People Want to Have and Her Heart Is True to Her Name.

I know someone who has a somewhat peculiar approach to life. She doesn’t conform to what society tells you should do, she rather latches on her values deep within. Those values she have are vague to me but interesting to think about.

From what I know, she grew up in a rural province, where farming is the main source of income. I’m not sure how she was shaped by her parents but I do know her mother is a teacher. And from what I observe, she’s a good daughter.

She has mentioned feeling guilty about piling medical expenses being a result of her physical condition and desiring for that money to be used for her younger sibling or at least saved up for other purposes instead.

My Mom told me that she is a kind person. I knew that though, I sensed it out of her instantly. I had a slight idea that this person was similar to the “me” of the past. Innocent, pure-hearted, sometimes unconfident — although I would admit, she was a level higher than me in terms of confidence.

In my previous position of the past, I always had problems with esteem. I never considered my past self to have had enough confidence to anything I did. But, on the other hand, she carries with her a potential that she uses when necessary.

I come to think about it, curious as to how she strategizes herself and here blatantly comparing my younger “unconfident” self to her. I was intrigued because she doesn’t mold with others. She knows she is different and I do think she cares deeply about the world around her.

There was one time that she felt disappointed. In school, we were tasked to associate ourselves with an item and explain why we chose that item among many others.

In her group, she felt like she was the only one who reflected thoughtfully and closely on the activity. I do agree there wasn’t enough depth when others shared their associated items. I could understand why the others did what they did and in a perspective, I see how she may have wanted more substance from her group.

She was deeply involved while most of us wanted surface value, we didn’t like to expose ourselves deeper to others. We just complied to show our items so we could be done with this and go on to the next story. But, deep down you could see that she was right.

The activity’s basically a way to make us closer and to learn how this person views themselves, how we could remember this person in their items and them learning about ourselves. That’s the whole gist of it.

After quickly wrapping up with the activity, I had the time to reflect on what happened.

Did I do the right way to present my associated item? Was it enough to tell others who I was? Could people remember me enough from the item I shared?

My mind went into a matching round of rationalizing that I did well versus I didn’t. However, at the end, the answer still did show up,

“that’s a wasted activity.”

It was a wasted opportunity, there won’t be a next time for sharing like that yet I’m sure people around that circle had vivid memories of it. The time then may have passed briefly and unknowingly but to me, I could still place myself where I was seated, where we gathered around in a circle.

The shape served its purpose of being retained in my mind. The sensorium was being involved, it was a place of sharing intimate events and experiences, it was enclosed in tight spaces, it was a smart way to lock the memory.

In another event, we had to lift boxes from shelves to another set of shelves. I didn’t want to appear weak but I needed my time to collect myself from doing another round of box lifting because I get hypotension.

So, I had to find a chair to dump myself into and tell her this job is greatly unfit for me but, that I still have to do it of course (there’s no backing down here, only sitting down in the meantime). But she just said sweetly, that it’s okay and that she could lift those boxes herself. In my mind and body — this is how I wanted to say it:

“Girl, no that’s not how we do it.”

I literally am not going to stay my butt here in this chair, letting her do all the work by herself, I want her to to just let me do my round of breathing in and outs before I start doing box lifting again because that’s just not it. I couldn’t believe she would say that. But, she was so kind and sweet about it. I thank God that it was me though, I’d scare me if she said that to a manipulative person.

There was this one time a bird flew inside our room. No such place for this poor bird to exit other than the place it entered. The ceiling was high and this bird was getting confused by the room light.

Well, after witnessing a struggling bird, she couldn’t continue her work. After observing enough, she opened the door quietly, allowing the bird to exit at its pace which then also allowed herself to peacefully finish work.

None of us even bothered doing that. I was technically glued to my seat, wondering what people would do in this kind of situation. All I know is there’s a trapped bird and I’m not sure how this bird would flew out. But, I’m not the one to help it, I was only observing this bird’s learning curve. She’s a pure-hearted one. The compassion and kindness in me did not do its breakthrough that day, I was only thinking about how other people would act.

But, here’s the thing. I had the same tendency in the past to do simple things that she did at present. But, I have learned that people take that for granted and I didn’t want people to look down on me. So, to me, she is really peculiar for being this way at her age. But, at the same time I was open to diversity. There really are just people around like her that exist, and people like her should be protected, at all costs.

I have been supportive of her in many ways. I try to help overcome her doubts and to somehow reach the potential she has faster. What I found about what I’m doing is thankful that she's easy to be around and I get relaxed by that.

I know I won’t be judged harshly, I know I’ll be appreciated, my compliments won’t sound clingy, I could just be myself around and to show care. I didn’t have to think of conforming that much too.

It was a breathe of fresh air, carefree moments of “Thank God’s”, a feeling of letting it lose, a coming back to homebase.

Because you don’t necessarily have many people who sticks to being themselves even when it’s the easiest thing for people to do (being themselves), thus we can learn plenty from people like her.

What I felt as I should have to be, is testimonial to how it’s like to being true to yourself. A quest many of us find it hard to accept that the destination sometimes take longer to reach. It is that, one could only free themselves by being at the comfort of their own identity.