Peace demands emotional maturity.

Los Angeles, 2023.

It was a Thursday evening, and only Mason and I were in the house as our Thursdays used to be. The evening started with some art explorations. Between a monster and a robot, Mason began to tell me about two kids who were reacting violently during playtime at his preschool. One was a boy, and the other was a girl. They were biting and pushing other kids when their demands were not met. Mason told me about it with a disappointed look and a sad voice; it was somehow sweet to notice that he was upset with the situation.

"It seems they are dealing with a lot of anger, and they do not know what to do with that."

I said to Mason using this moment as an opportunity to talk about emotions. It is never too early to teach about emotional tools.

"Yeah. They get really angry and they do not know what to do with that",

Mason agreed back.

"Do you get angry? What do you do when you get angry?"

"I breath, Bani."

The effect of those words was priceless. My heart got warm, and my eyes watered a bit. Breath is one of the most potent emotional tools a human can learn. I remember an adult moment when I had to deal with a significant amount of anger. The feeling of calming myself down was so extremely powerful that, at that moment, I told myself this was something I needed to teach my children in the early stages of their lives.

When I became a stepmother, I embraced a maternal figure committed to passing along emotional tools, so whenever I would observe Mason anxious or too agitated, I would first ask him to breathe and then use his words to communicate what was going on. I perceived this as a good way to facilitate healthy (re)actions. Hearing from this 4-year-old that this learning was integrating and guiding his decisions felt gratifying, but more than that, it felt like an answer to something bigger.

By experiencing almost three years of motherhood, I was allowed to observe human behaviour closely and its development. The early stage of self-construction. For someone who is intrigued by psychoanalysis theories, that was a chance to analyze its foundations. The utopia that anything can be solved through respectful dialogue was proven very possible. But then, why is humanity where it is? Emotional maturity is a rare behaviour to be found.

When I moved to Los Angeles in 2018, I began volunteering at EmpowHer, an organization that provides a social-emotional learning class to girls from ages 11-18. During the mentorship training, they mentioned the program started focusing only on high schoolers but felt too late for a more profound impact, so they shifted to younger girls and got improved results and higher chances of succeeding.

Both of those experiences served as evidence of the power of emotional tools towards societal healing. I wonder what kind of humanity we could create if preschool curriculums incorporate emotional tools teaching for kids but also for parents. As children get inspired and absorb adults' behaviours, it is unlikely to get profound results if both don't walk hand in hand.

"History stops repeating itself when you heal." - Xavier Dagba

I believe it is time for a world without war. Humans have evolved enough to discover a variety of answers and tools that can transform this utopian thinking into a fresh reality. The best thing you can do to contribute is to open yourself to your own healing. That is the first step, and the rest will follow organically.

Together, we are a powerful force.