My Mother Has Helped Me

I don’t have the best relationship with my mother, but I do recognize that she is a very hard working person. Or at least, that’s what I assume, knowing that she’s run several businesses throughout her life.

My mother was never really kind or supporting of me outside of her own expectations of me, and this taught me at a young age that sometimes those closest to us will hurt us the most. This taught me that even though I go through strife and annoyances, I should never put that onto somebody else. It taught me that when I have children, it’s probably a good idea to listen thoroughly to them and make them feel heard, seen, and appreciated.

I’ve learned from my mother that people can definitely have your best interest in mind, but still behave in a way that goes against that. I’ve learned that a majority of people you encounter will be so deep in their own crap, that they won’t even be able to hear you when you’re calling out for help.

It’s honestly great to me that other people are so close with their mothers, but I think the biggest lesson my mother could have taught me is understanding that somebody’s title means nothing if they don’t show up in the way that you need. I call her my mother but I’ve never really felt like she’s shown up in that aspect. I have had complete strangers show me more kindness than her, and it sucks sometimes, but I see the silver lining and I’m okay with what’s in front of me. I’m okay knowing that I may never have a healthy relationship with my mother. I am at peace with that fact.

I remember my mother being subtly disappointed in me when I started coming out as gay. I don’t think she said it so frankly, but I do remember a phone call she had with a friend about her disdain for my sexuality as an adolescent. Little things like this made me understand that just because someone says they care for you and have the title, doesn't mean it's actually true. A lot of people only see you as what they'd like to see themselves as, or the opposite version of this concept, meaning that they only see what they dislike in themselves within you. It's a mind screw.

But it is a bit funny to me, because another lesson she indirectly extended to my being is that people dislike what they cannot understand or fathom. People often mock what they cannot empathize with, and there should be no shame in that, seeing as most of us have been there at some point or another.

I believe my mother has also shown me that everybody you know, even those we depend on as tiny humans, is just human like you. It’s a hard pill to swallow for some of us, but for me it was pretty easy to reconcile. But for others, they stay putting their parents on a pedestal of some sort. It’s perfectly healthy to see yourselves as humans the same as anyone else; yes, they birthed you and gave you life essentially, but you are deserving of just as much respect as they are. In my opinion, you should never be sacrificing your own sanity to keep the person who is meant to be a solace for you is simply the opposite. This is something I have learned from my mother.

If you have a decent mother, cherish that. Not everybody gets that in this lifetime and you are so lucky. If you have a mother that you appreciate, make sure to hold her and tell her before she's gone how much you love & appreciate her.