21 Life Lessons I Learned in 21 Years

On my 21st birthday (today), I’m publishing 21 important things that I learned in my 21 years of life. By Zoe Frenchman

By zoe frenchmanPublished 5 months ago • 6 min read

Photo from Amazon

Everyone needs to be their own top priority because if you exert all of your energy people-pleasing at the expense of your own well-being, every aspect of your life suffers and it becomes difficult to maintain genuine relationships.
It’s never too late. For anything. To learn new things, to try new foods or activities, to see new places, to grow, or to improve upon any aspect of your life.
Nothing is perfect so there’s no point in aiming to achieve something unattainable. Do your best in everything you do and never diminish your effort if it doesn’t turn out exactly as you hope. “Normal” and “perfect” are concepts that simply do not exist and there’s no point in chasing those goals. Work hard, give everything you do your all, and be a good person, but don’t ever expect true perfection or normalcy.
Balance is key. Be productive and relax equally. Without balance, there is just chaos, misery, and instability. Balance allows us to feel in control of ourselves and prepared for all of life’s endless challenges and changes.
Nobody can make you do anything. You can’t anyone else do anything. You are only in control of yourself and you can only control how you respond to others and choose your own actions and words. You can’t change anyone else. Everyone has to have an intrinsic desire to change or they just won’t change.
Flexibility is an essential quality to hone in on and improve upon. Rigidity only holds you back from your full potential.
Give yourself all the credit you deserve for your accomplishments. It’s not selfish to reward yourself or merely acknowledge when you’ve accomplished a goal or feel good about something you’ve done.
Show appreciation for others and yourself regularly. People never show their gratitude enough in my opinion, and regularly expressing that will only strengthen your relationships with others or yourself.
Sometimes the most uncomfortable situations or feelings are the ones to allow you to grow and learn the most.
A lack of self-care will affect every part of your life, from your skin to your hair, to your weight and appetite, to your confidence, to your stability, to your relationships, to your motivation, and everything else.
You are your own harshest critic usually. Nobody is going to be harder on you than yourself and it’s important to learn to be as gentle with yourself as possible.
Most people are considerably more focused on their own lives and worries than what you’re doing and what you look like. If you’re insecure about something, chances are that little to no other people have noticed it but yourself and/or don’t care. And that doesn’t invalidate or erase the insecurities because a lot of them come from within yourself, but honestly, I can tell you right now that most people are too fixated on their own lives and insecurities to think about yours.
Art is so important to me and to the world. Music, writing, film, television, fine art, and every other form of creative work are essential to this world and to me.
Finding your true loves and passions is truly the most fulfilling part of life and they’re the aspects that truly keep you going. My boyfriend, my writing, my family, and music are the most important parts of my life and my overall sanity must hold on to and engage with these parts of my life regularly.
As Taylor Swift once said, “Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you”. You can’t erase your past or change what’s already happened. It’s important to move forward while acknowledging your past and your memories. It’s important to both remember the good times when the going gets tough and to acknowledge past mistakes before they come back to haunt you.
You can’t force yourself to like or love something or someone. When you like or love something or someone, you feel it, you know it, you don’t doubt it, usually early on. Sometimes you don’t feel it the first introduction, but if you’re willing to give it a chance, and you wind up establishing a connection, a liking, or a love for this something or someone, you kind of had a feeling, to begin with, or you wouldn’t have given it or them a chance. And if you’re trying to force yourself to like or love something or someone, whether that’s a piece of art, or a personal relationship, or whatever it is, and you just don’t have that feeling, that’s more than acceptable because guess what–every individual human is different and we all have different tastes! That’s more than okay! You should never feel ashamed of your personal taste.
To go along with the previous point, you should never allow other people to dictate how you feel about yourself. I know this is much easier said than done, but comparison is truly the thief of joy. And if someone does something traumatizing to you, which I completely understand as I’ve been personally traumatized by other people’s actions towards me, by allowing that trauma to dictate or control or affect your life, your feelings, or your confidence, you’re letting the perpetrator(s) win. Unfortunately, some people in this world are just sick, twisted, remorseless people and that won’t change. There will always be people like that. But as I said earlier, you can only control yourself and your responses. Don’t worry about what anyone else is doing and stay true to yourself. Plus, living your life to the fullest and feeling outwardly proud of yourself and your success is truly the biggest fuck you to anyone who’s tried to tear you down. Stay unbothered queens.
Change is inevitable. Life is a series of decisions and changes and that is unavoidable. As hard as it can be to embrace change, it’s going to happen one way or another, and to fight against it or reject it is pointless. Changes allow us to grow and learn in so many ways. Changes can feel “good” or “bad” but it’s a constant in life and one that is much more fulfilling than stagnation. Changes introduce us to more opportunities or possibilities in store for our lives. Changes don’t have to feel treacherous if you maintain a consciously optimistic outlook regarding them.
Taylor Swift also once said, “I don’t think you should ever have to apologize for your excitement. Just because something’s cliche doesn’t mean it’s not awesome. The worst kind of person is someone who makes someone feel bad, dumb, or stupid for being excited about something”. You should never feel shame for being excited about anything. This is obviously how I feel about Taylor herself like a lot of her fans do, but this can apply to anything in life. If you’re excited about a new album, song, movie, show, episode, or a good grade, or any sort of accomplishment, a goal, or a milestone, whatever it is, allow yourself to enjoy it or you will most definitely wind up regretting letting that opportunity slip away. Don’t let yourself live with intense regret. We all have regrets in life, but it’s how we choose to handle them and move forward that truly contributes to the definition of our character.
Never settle for less than you deserve. In any capacity. I’ve always allowed my self-esteem issues to cloud my judgment, about myself, others, and different situations. But the fact of the matter is that despite my self-esteem issues and negative beliefs I have about myself, I have to acknowledge that I’m genuinely a good person and I deserve to be happy, healthy, loved, and cared about. Another Taylor Swift lyric I want to refer to is “I know my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it.” Nobody deserves to feel like this is any relationship. You are worth more than merely being tolerated, and you may not believe that right now, but it is truly a concept that I have learned is genuinely true. I had a shitty ex-boyfriend who, for a while, I thought was all I could get and I settled. But when I realized that I deserved better and left him, I shortly after met my current boyfriend of almost three years, who is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Sometimes it takes time and lots of mistakes to learn from, but always remind yourself that you deserve to be happy and healthy. Don’t ever settle, don’t stoop to the level of an asshole, or doubt your value because an asshole treated you poorly–rise above it, be strong, be confident, and remember that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.
This may seem obvious, but it’s so important–don’t believe everything you see on the internet. Trust valid sources, and be cautious not to always trust unconfirmed/biased sources.

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About the Creator

zoe frenchman

I’m Zoe, I’m 21, and I’m an aspiring writer, filmmaker, musician, & mental health advocate. I’m a poet and content writer currently enrolled in the Creative Writing BFA program at Full Sail U!

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