Reed Alexander's Horror Review of Alien: Covenant (2017)

So, in my review of Prometheus (2012), I mentioned that it was a terrible Alien (1979) origin story. It could have seriously been a good story all on its own, but it stepped into a franchise it had no business being a part of. Alien: Covenant (2017), was the origin story the franchise deserved. Sure, it had the same life-creating, spontaneously mutating, terraforming virus, but it honestly didn't even have to be directly linked to Prometheus. A scientific experiment, of alien origins, gone wrong, is already a great fucking plot. We didn't even need David from Prometheus to be a part of it, it could have been anything, including one of the "Navigator's" species biological research lab. You could have flat-out started from scratch and in no way linked it to Prometheus. Hell, they probably shouldn't have linked it to Prometheus, considering what a franchise letdown that turned out to be.

But again, we have all the right elements of a good story and this time in such a place where it could be an origin story for the xenomorph. Most of the franchise fans have always assumed it was a science experiment gone wrong, just from the setup of the original 1979. Why was the Navigator transporting alien eggs? What were they for? How did they get them? Where was the queen that produced them? How did a face hugger breach quarantine and get to the Navigator? That just sounds like their species fucked around and found out.

The premise didn't even need David. The colony could have simply come across the ancient ruins of an old research laboratory, just like Prometheus, and discovered the first eggs. Hell, because this is Waylan/Utani, their artificial human could have gotten ahold of a proto-xenomorph and produced the first eggs. Lot of fucking potential there with absolutely no need to continue where Prometheus left off.

Though, I don't want to discourage you from watching this movie. It really is fucking good, aside from the fact it picks up where Prometheus leaves off. Great cast, great acting, better writing, beautiful cinematography. I consider it a must-watch.

SPOILERS!!!

There are two things that really irk me about the ending. There was abso-fucking-lutely NO reason for Walter to turn on his crew like David. Now, if there had been a preestablished protocol that Walter was to capture specimens for biological weapons, like Ash from 1979, it would have made more sense. Hell, that's literally what Burke tried to do in Aliens (1986). How hard would it be to write that into this movie? We know, from cannon, that Waylan/Utani is a fucked up super corp that will do anything to further its biological weapons research. Just roll with it. It seemed like an unnecessary stretch that David could convince Walter to turn on his colonists.

Second... why the flying fuck was there a mini face hugger in the little eggs Walter had swallowed? No dear, the face hugger is in the big egg and puts the little egg into the human. Those little eggs should have had Xenomorph larvae in them. Walter could have literally extracted the little eggs from a face hugger and surgically implanted them into two colonists. All he would need is one queen and one soldier. Like... what the fuck was props thinking? Was it the writer that fucked up? It made no goddamn sense.

One last thing. The face hugger didn't produce the standard little pink chest burster with gimpy arms, it produced a fully developed xenomorph just tiny. That was also a pretty dumb change that served absolutely no purpose. They could have kept the original concept and it wouldn't have changed a fucking thing about the movie. The Proto-Xeno made sense because it was essentially the evolutionary step before the actual Xenomorph. THANK FUCKING GOD they at least did away with the giant squidlike face-hugger.

Complaints aside, the movie is still worth it. I do recommend it, but if you're a fan of the franchise, some of that shit is gonna piss you off.