More (Un)Common Knowledge About TSA
Still Dedicated to (T)hose (S)eeking (A)nswers
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Before we begin, I would like to let you know this is not the first submission I have made that covers this topic. But instead of making you scroll around looking for it, I added Part One (after fixing a couple of grammar oopsies and punctuation whoopsies) at the bottom of this submission. So, if you want to read them in order (it won’t make too much of a difference either way) then you can scroll on down there first and come back to see what other juicy tidbits I wanted to cover about the nation’s most despised government agency.
Yeah, you read that right. TSA used to be number 2 on the list of the most disliked government agency. Now they are number 1. Any guesses what number 1 used to be? The IRS. Internal Revenue System. Somehow, an agency known for taking away your hard earned money every single year until the day you retire has made it higher on the list than the agency that is dedicated to making sure you get home safely to celebrate Grandma’s birthday.
So, this will make a nice segue into sorting out the differences between what the public thinks is common knowledge and what is really the (un)common knowledge (aka: truth) behind those rumors.
Most rumors begin from a piece of factual information that has somehow been misconstrued, misunderstood, or misheard altogether. So keeping that in mind, let’s begin with a popular phrase heard often by Officers that actually has a bit of validity to it.
“But (___enter airport name here___) let me through with that.”
This is a common response by Travis The-Traveler. It’s problematic for both Travis and the Officers. This happens for a few different reasons. One reason is that the other airport has either bent or broken the rules and allowed someone to bring something through that never should have gone through the security checkpoint. Another reason is that perhaps a different style of screening has been implemented at the other airport because it’s part of a pilot program to introduce new screening procedures. It also happens because everyone has different opinions and interpretations of the procedures because we are all HUMAN. Oh, and then there’s the rogue Travis who is just flat out lying. No matter the reason, every year hundreds of complaints nationwide are filed because they are angry that security is not consistent across the board.
To be honest, in my own personal opinion, I am glad there is inconsistency across the nation. In the movies, what does every burglar, kidnapper, bank robber, or art thief has in common when it comes to executing their crimes? They pay attention! A burglar assesses risks. A kidnapper watches for opportunities. A bank robber “cases the joint”, and an art thief memorizes patterns. You really think a terrorist wouldn’t do the same thing? If every airport across the country was identical in its procedures, it would only be a matter of time before a loophole would be discovered by the ill intended.
So the next time your vein is popping out of your forehead because the Officers at JFK let you slide with that oversized hair gel, but the Officers at LAX are saying it can’t go, try to remember that technically, it never should have made it through the first airport.
And speaking of the ungrateful… let’s jump right on in to PreCheck, shall we? The common misperception and often mispronounced version an Officer hears is, “I’m pre-checked.” No, Patty Passenger, you have not been “pre checked” prior to walking up to the checkpoint. What you did get was put in to a program or a system called “PreCheck”. This means you paid to have your information ran through a system that verifies you are not on any sort of watch list. Doing this allows you to jump into a (usually – not always) shorter line and you get to keep your shoes on. You do not get to bypass security. Let me say that again. You do not get to bypass security. All passengers attempting to enter through a screening checkpoint are subject to screening procedures. You just get to do a much speedier version of it. Did you get that, Miss Jane Doe-Celebrity? No amount of Oscars will make an Officer say, “Oh… I loved you in the Unicorn Robots movie! Go right on in through the employee entrance Miss Doe-Celebrity.”
This next one is my overall personal favorite misconception. A lot of people think TSA profiles people. And by profiling, I mean Officers are accused of singling out specific races and/or cultures based on their appearance. This is absolutely one hundred percent not true. In fact, it would be a good way to get your walking papers.
The general public does not believe TSA doesn’t do this and do you know how you can tell? Because of one question both Travis The-Traveler and Patty Passenger have repeatedly asked countless times when they have to go through an extra step in the security process:
“Do I look like a terrorist?”
Those six words will sear an Officer to their core and make them want to scream, “You tell me, Patty. What does a terrorist look like?” knowing full well Patty would throw a person of Middle Eastern descent under the bus. But the Officer doesn’t say it. I imagine they take a deep breath, mentally count to ten and proceed to screen. They do this because Patty’s ignorance and lack of research is just the norm for the everyday Officer.
She really doesn’t know that the FBI released the statistics on race and terrorism from 1972 to 2015 and found that Hispanics (2%) and Asians (4%) made up the first 6%, Black (8%) and Biracial (8%) made up the next 16%. Middle Eastern terrorist made up 13% with the White category dominating at 65%. I’ll just leave that here and let you ponder it a bit.
I am going to close with a few honorable mentions of the things the general public think are common knowledge and the real uncommon knowledge behind them.
• TSA Officers do not grope people in their sensitive areas. It’s the inner thigh, just like they told you, that they are interested in securing.
• TSA Officers do NOT get flight benefits. In fact, they can receive no gratuity whatsoever lest they be accused of taking bribes.
• The scanner on the checkpoint can NOT tell Pregnant Patty Passenger is she is having a boy or a girl.
• And last, but probably the most important… if you walk away from this learning anything, make sure it’s at least this one last acronym for TSA:
o (T)here’s (S)till (A)mtrak
(Un)Common Knowledge About TSA
Dedicated to (T)hose (S)eeking (A)nswers
We’ve all heard the slang that pokes fun at the Transportation Security Administration (TSA). What are some of your favorites?
(T)housands (S)tanding (A)round?
(T)aking (S)tuff (A)way?
(T)earing (S)uitcases (A)part?
Here is one of my favorites I found. This was thought up by an actual TSA Screening Manager, who thought to cleverly include the Department of Homeland Security in the acronym:
Deplorable Harassment of Selectees, Treatment Simply Abusive
Any number of standard Google searches will provide you with hours of entertainment at the TSA’s expense. There are entire Facebook pages dedicated solely to providing public humiliation for these people and the job that they do.
My question is, do you even know what it is that they do? Or are you making assumptions based on media coverage at the airport during a crowded travel time? Or perhaps you’re listening to the mad rant of Jane Doe-Celebrity who had her self-entitlement put to the test?
Let’s start with one of the oldest acronym slangs, Thousands Standing Around. Anyone know why or where this came from? My guess is some aggravated traveler, who didn’t bother to listen to the suggested “two hours prior” advisement, saw some Officers in uniform standing still or off to the side and Travis The-Traveler was pissed off that they weren’t rushing to open another lane just so he wouldn’t have to pay the consequences of his poor timing that morning.
What Travis The-Traveler didn’t know is that those Officers “standing” around were probably already three steps ahead of him and had already made a complete assessment of his character, his intentions, and his mood, simply by watching his behavior the moment he got in line. And furthermore, all Travis The-Traveler did was put himself in a much more sour frame of mind than what was necessary (if being a sourpuss is ever actually necessary). No amount of grumbling or insults was going to deter a Federal Officer of the government from protecting him nor would it make them think, “Wow, this guy is really angry and rude. I better do what I can to reward that.”
What the traveling public does not understand is that there are details that contain a lot of sensitive security information that Officers are not allowed to talk about. They are sworn to secrecy, even after they leave the agency. They do this with the safety of the American people in mind as they raise their right hand and repeat after Manager Mary. They’ve had weeks and weeks of on-the-job training, so they are fully aware of the typical behavior that a Traveling Travis fellow might exhibit. And yet, they still swear in... to keep Travis safe.
Yes, it’s true that in the beginning of TSA, there was a lot of trial and error trying to figure out how to handle this threat and that threat. Who would be certified to do what? Who was coming on board from the private sector of screening that was already in place? There was a lot of bumbling and scrambling and TSA over-hired in a colossal way. So there were quite a few Officers who would rotate to “bin pusher” or “cart loader” or some other mundane task position. To the outside looking in, it would appear as though thousands were standing around. In addition, in the beginning of TSA, emotions were still very raw over our great loss of 9-11. So there were more than enough people willing to stand in line for a job to help protect the country from that ever happening again.
Another piece of uncommon knowledge is this: TSA does not TAKE anything. Each and every passenger (with the exception of those that have broken the law) is given choices and options for their item that cannot go through the checkpoint. Travelers are just so wrapped up in this idea of “my way or the highway” that they refuse to see the reality of the situation. The reality is they did not do their research. Rules were put in place by not only the US government (DSHS-TSA), but also the FAA, and the airlines themselves. When a passenger chooses to not educate themselves on the latest policies and procedures, it’s the job of the checkpoint Officers to make sure those safety guidelines are followed. Getting angry, cursing, and screaming for the manager is not going to make any one of them bend a rule that could potentially bring a plane down.
The average passenger gets offended that someone could think they would possibly do anyone any harm while traveling 30,000 feet in the air. But, unfortunately, the Officers do not have that luxury. They are given information that, once again, falls under Sensitive Security Information, and with that knowledge and training, are 100% confident in their decision to not break the rules for the passenger trying to get through with the giant bottle of shampoo, or grandpa’s pocket knife, or the tub of peanut butter, etc.
Now, moving along to the suitcases being torn apart. It is true that during a rush, items may be shuffled around if your bag was selected for screening. As an adult with high functioning OCD, this is infuriating, but in most cases, it’s just a simple case of oversight. Having said that, TSA does offer a customer service number that you can call if anything gets damaged. If you suspect malicious behavior, you best believe that someone is reviewing one of the hundreds of cameras that are recording every detail of that bag search. All you have to do is request that a manager review the security camera footage from that bag check. If procedures were followed, you will have to direct your complaint to the airline. If procedures were not followed, believe me when I tell you there will be some sort of consequence for conduct unbecoming of an Officer.
I am fully aware that since its creation, TSA has seen its fair share of shady individuals who managed to slip in under the radar and background check. All agencies have bad apples. All companies have bad apples. All corporations have some sort of corruption. The only difference here is that TSA is a hot spot when it comes to the media, so the slightest hiccup within the administration and the whole world knows about it on the 5 o’clock news that same evening.
The irony here is that 99% of the problems between TSA and the traveling public are due to a lack of research prior to the departure date. So allow me to make some uncommon knowledge a bit more knowledgeable for you…
• If you could defend yourself against an attacker with the item in question, chances are it’s not allowed to go on an airplane with you.
• If you can smear it, spread it, spray it, or splash it and it is over 100ml (3.4oz), you need to check it in with your checked luggage that goes beneath the plane. The only exception to this rule is medical necessity.
• If the roles were reversed, and you were made to feel awful just for trying to help someone feel safe, chances are the words you’re planning on saying are hurtful and should just be kept to yourself.
We are all just trying to do our best to fly home, to fly back to college, to fly to that potential million dollar sale, to keep people safe, to ensure fluidity through an airport, to protect our fellow human beings, to hand out uncommon knowledge in an online writing contest.
About the Creator
Kat MayKnow
I share what I know. How much do I know? Who knows? I may know. You just never know. Ya know?
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