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I think the hardest thing about moving on is not knowing if the other person is moving on too. I received a message nearly over a month ago from my ex-boyfriend. It had been nearly six months since we had ended it and we hadn't spoken since I gathered up all my things from his place and left. So, needless to say, I was caught completely off guard when I saw his message.
"Not a day goes by that I don't think of you."
I was thrown for a loop and right into a panic attack when I saw those words. Why? 'Why' was the only thing I could think? Why did he think it was okay to reach out to me? Why did he think I wanted to talk to him? Why did he wait so long? When that last question passed through my mind I felt like I was suddenly back at square one of getting over him. I didn't let the moment pass though and asked him if he was drunk... the only reason I could really fathom that brought him to message me. Then he proceeded to ignore me. He saw the message and never replied.
The issue that I had with all of this... Was I wasn't thinking of him every day. If you've read anything I've written here you would know well that I have moved on so far passed wanting to be with him. I didn't want to be with him. I don't want to be with him. But to have him reach out to me and reopen the wound that I had been stitching up and then do nothing. Not even apologize and say that he was drunk and didn't mean it. Because even that would have hurt less than the radio silence I received.
After 24 hours of being ignored I messaged him on last time and I said every thought that was racing through me. How he broke my heart. How I never ever wanted to get back together. How I was glad of everything I did to get over him. How he clearly was never going to change. How I had bet my best friend $10 that he would be too cowardly to face what it was that he had started. How I was $10 richer.
A part of me wanted him to message back before I sent that message. I wanted to have a conversation. Not to love and be with him again. But to release every frustration I had in our relationship that I didn't get to vent to him. In the last days of our relationship, I had made it all about how I could be better for him. Why was it that he didn't think he loved him? I was pleading my case to be loved like I was on trial... But never once in those conversations did I inform him how he was mistreating me. The only thing that I got out was that he was a part of why we fell apart. That this wasn't all on me.
There was a time where I wanted the best for him. Where I felt like if I really needed I could reach out to him. That distance was the only thing that was keeping us from remaining friends.
Now?
I have no interest in ever seeing him again.
And that's awful. I hate that he brought me to this place. He was my first love and now I never want to talk to him and it doesn't even have anything to do with what happened in our relationship. But there is one thing to be grateful for...
I am soooo over him.
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About the Creator
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I am young and out of love currently traversing the dating world with some stories to tell.
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