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We mounted the stairs in an electric silence. Massimo turned to smile at me before opening the door.
"Home, sweet home." He said, opening his arms and beaming. Then a little dark cloud washed over his face with a frown. "For a little while... Did I tell you that they requested me another week? I'm not leaving tomorrow anymore."
Uh oh. Well. It doesn't make that big of a difference, I thought.
I sat down on the bed and bent to take my shoes off. Massimo sat next to me and we both scooted back towards the pillows and snuggled in together.
I looked up at him and caught his eyes sparkling at me. Instead of saying anything or being nervous, I kissed him. I decided I would just keep quiet and that's how I would keep myself at a distance. I wouldn't talk more than about the moment. That's how I could keep from forming attachments.
Now looking back, I view the entire unfolding of events from outside the window. My perspective shifted out there because my ego literally went out the window, to remain distant, so I wouldn't form attachments. I regret this decision in a way, because I think I missed a lot, but maybe I didn't miss anything.
His hands wandered over my body, caressing my arms then reaching down to feel the smooth place on my outer thighs.
"Mmm..." he groaned in my ear. "Your skin is so soft..." He started unbuttoning my shirt, he wasn't missing a beat. At the last button, he flipped my shirt open with a flourish.
"You are telling me you've had four children, and your body looks like this?" He laid his hand on the flat of my stomach and gently ran it up between my breasts, tickled my neck and held the side of my face. I closed my eyes and rested my head there.
"My sweetheart." He purred. "You are sweet and you could tell I am a gentle man."
There was a sincerity there that melted me. I smiled and closed my eyes, pulling him close.
It'll be alright, I told myself. He won't be here forever and it doesn't have to mess me up. I can handle this. No attachments, right?
Uhhh. Right.
Massimo was trying to unbutton my bra, I giggled and reached back to assist him. I was still nursing the baby, so my breasts were full and heavy.
"Wow." He murmured taking a nipple in his mouth. I made an involuntary gasp and nestled back into the pillow.
He moved over me, pressing himself between my thighs so that I felt his swelling manhood, kissing my neck and face. Suddenly, he pulled back and looked into my eyes. I felt a question there, but didn't want to be addressed. I wanted to be undressed.
I gazed up at him, smiled and pulled his head down towards me. Reaching down, I unbuttoned his pants. We both groaned at the feeling of warmth and closeness afforded by only our underwear being in the way.
I always love to watch how a man handles the awkward moment when you're laying on someone and have to take you pants off. It's kind of a psychological study for me, the same way I look at people's hands and shoes. These subtle choices say a lot about a person.
He smiled and gave me a quick kiss before turning to sit at the end of the bed, taking off his pants and leaving them on the floor.
He crawled up the bed towards me, grabbed my foot on his way up my body. Slow and steady, like planting little daisy's in a row. He nuzzled into my neck and purred as he pressed himself along the length of my body. I wrapped my legs around him and pressed back, both of us moaned in unison and our kisses became fire. I had to have him.
He hooked his thumbs in my underwear and pulled them down around my ankles, I kicked them to the floor. He had his underwear halfway down, with my big toe I got them off the rest of the way. He giggled in surprise. He must think I'm weird, but oh well, I thought.
Massimo grabbed me and rolled me on top of him, he placed my hands firmly on his chest, took hold of my ass, and began rocking me on top of him, slow and steady, and then faster and harder. It took my breath away. He was gazing up into my eyes, concentration and utter ecstasy covered his face, his eyelids heavy with passion.
Suddenly, he pushed me off him, stood up, grabbed my thighs, and pulled me to the end of the bed. I had never been fucked like this. Most of my lovers had always let me be in charge, which I loved, and also hated.
He used his grip on my thighs to get the most of his thrusts, and in a few minutes, I was gripping the bed, trying to hold onto whatever I could find so I didn't spin out into space. He bent to kiss me grabbing the back of my neck, then pressed our foreheads together, keeping up his pace below. Leaning back, he asked, "Can I come inside you?"
I nodded as best I could and he let go, throwing his head back and pressing himself as hard and deep into me as he could. Now, I have four babies... So I obviously love the feeling of cum hitting me right in the cervix, but this felt like pure magic. I saw a golden light in my head and heard music exploding everywhere. Maybe I was dying. Maybe I just went to heaven. Oh my God. I don't know.
He was laying on top of me panting, we both were. He growled and purred at my neck between gasps, nuzzling my earlobe and tickling me with his stubble. I giggled and he pulled back to look at me, eyes sparkling. "I like you." He said simply with a smile.
"I like you too." I said mirroring him.
He looked away, then back. "We should take a shower."
I smiled and nodded, playing with the hair on the back of his head. Running my fingertips through it and swirling little circles around his ears. He closed his eyes. " Mmmmmm." He purred.
His voice was deep anyway, but this guttural utterance was low and dark, but refined. It must be the sexiest thing I've ever heard. I was smiling, I couldn't help it.
How perfect, I thought. How absolutely perfect. I had been hesitant to go through with this because, what if everything was awkward, what if he was mean or careless in bed... I didn't really want to go there. With Brian, we knew each other's bodies, and likes and dislikes. There were some ways in which we needed to be satisfied that were not fulfilled, but we made due with what we knew. It was comfortable, if nothing else.
But this, this was magic. It felt like magic. It sparkled like magic. Still in my stubbornly detached mindset, I was only thankful that he was so respectful and attentive.
I kissed his forehead. We were just laying there, him on top of me, resting his head on my chest, in comfortable silence, lost in thoughts but still connected.
He got up and sniffed. "I need to blow my nose," he said. "It's chilly here, I think I am getting sick."
I smiled and rolled over on the bed, resting my head on my arm. I heard him rustle in the bathroom and when he came out, I saw something that I couldn't understand at first. When he came around the bed, I had a crystal clear vision of him as an old man, maybe 75ish. Silver hair, wrinkles, tan-weathered skin, his broad chest remained, skin hung loosely over his strong muscular form. He shrunk a little with age, but his eyes were the same, perhaps even brighter, and I saw the effort of a lifetime of hard work etched in the lines of his legs and arms. His hands though, were the most beautiful thing, a bit gnarled with arthritis, but still gloriously strong and capable. I gasped a little. What the fuck did I just see? And just as quickly as I saw it, the vision faded. I felt a golden light forming in my chest, and as he came closer and flopped comfortably on the bed next to me, I knew that I was in love with this man. That one day, I would see him as an old man and I felt an inkling of how much I would love him then. It was so powerful.
He had his ankles crossed, one arm wrapped around my shoulders and the other hand was scrolling through his phone. He began to show me pictures of his travels. He spoke expressively, and I loved watching his hands.
I reached over and touched his hand. "I love your hands," I said.
His eyes got wide, "Really?"
He turned them over to inspect them, frowning he said, "dirty," with a little tsk.
"I don't care." I said, interlacing fingers with him and squeezing. "I can tell you work hard, and the shape of your hands are so beautiful. I opened his hand and traced his palm lightly. "I have a thing with hands."
He looked down at me quizzically, "What does it mean, 'out of the blue'?"
I laughed. "That question is a little out of the blue. It's just an expression, something comes out of nowhere, out of the clear blue sky... out of the blue."
He looked up at the ceiling and sighed. "Hmm." He smiled down at me and hugged me close. Reaching up, he raked the hair away from my face. His eyes became serious, and I felt a million butterflies exploding into flight in my gut. I wanted him again. Right now.
He wanted me, too. He left no doubt of that as he pressed his body on me and held me close, kissing me deeply. "Oh my god," he said pulling back to look in my eyes. "I really like you."
I smiled and pulled him to me again, each of us making soft and low noises as we kissed and caressed each others necks and earlobes. We tumbled around on the bed, eager and open, not being too fast or slow, just feeling out each other's pace and giving in kind.
He rolled over and, smiling, he gave some not so subtle hints at wanting a blow job.
I laughed at him and snuggled into his neck, kissing and sucking at the tender area behind his ear and working my way down, gently nibbling at the hollow below his collar bone, smiling when he squirmed. I made my way down his chest and stomach, gently kissing him and using my hands to caress his hips and outer thigh. I kissed the area above his pubic bone and pressed my thumb gently on the front of his hip, making slow circles in towards his now very erect member. When I put the tip to my mouth and kissed, he grabbed the bed and said something in Italian. I giggled and took him inside my mouth, going all the way down the back of my throat and holding him there, before coming up and swirling my tongue around the tip and down the shaft. I looked up into his eyes as I teased and kissed my way along the length of him. He had his head back, eyes closed, breathing heavy and gently holding my head. He looked down at me and pulled the hair away from my face. I closed my eyes and returned to my task.
The trick with fellatio is, you have to love doing it. You have to be curious about what ways to touch your man to get him close to the edge, and then you tease him out of that until he can't stand it anymore and has to fuck you again. As a rule, I never let Brian cum in my mouth. I hated the smell of his cum, and he had such enormous pent up loads that I was always afraid to try to let him. Just the thought of it made me gag.
I was enjoying my game with Massimo, and even though he was clearly enjoying it, he was also clearly frustrated. "Can I cum in your mouth?" He asked.
To my surprise, I nodded. He was gentle and I found myself enjoying it immensely. The taste, the smell and feel of it was, sweet. I sat up and wiped my mouth, and he sat up on the bed, eyes wide with concern. He reached over and handed me a bottle of water.
I took a drink and felt him watching me again. He had his ankles crossed, arms out to the sides, leaning on the pillow, looking content, but bewildered, in awe. He was in awe of me. I smiled and wiped my mouth again. "What?" I asked.
He shook his head and smiled. "You are so beautiful."
I rolled my eyes and snuggled up to him, hugging him around the middle then looking up to smile into his eyes. Men are all the same, I thought.
We got up and took a shower. He was gentle with me, taking a washcloth and washing my body. It was touching, how sweet he was being. I scrubbed his back, too, and he smiled broadly at me. I got a feeling that women often took advantage of his sweetness and strength. I wanted to be sweet with him, too.
When we dried off, we crawled under the blankets together for the first time. I snuggled in under his arm and he started to rub my arms with both his hands. Suddenly, he stopped and squeezed me. "In Italian, we have two ways of saying I love you." I looked up at him, with wide eyes. Oh God, I thought, is he gonna say he loves me? Please no...
"There's 'ti amo,' which is the highest expression of romantic love, and then there is 'ti voglio bene,' which is what family says to one another, or friends. So, ti voglio bene Jo. But it isn't your body or your mind that I love, it's your soul." He gently brushed the hair from my face, smiling into my eyes. I smiled too, and suddenly felt terrible for what I was doing. I'm married! I thought. This was just supposed to be one night...
I tucked my head into his chest and hugged him. He settled back and yawned, rubbing his feet together under the blankets.
Another vision flashed in my mind. A red cord was connected to my heart and it lay on the bed with us, looped around our bodies loosely like so much rope. The other end was attached to Massimo's heart. In my mind's eye, I inspected this cord. It was alive, like an umbilical cord, pulsing and warm. But this wasn't made of flesh, it was made of light. I saw myself trying to cut on the cord, and it hurt, not just me, but Massimo, too. I started reeling the cord in and realized I would just draw him in closer to me if I kept doing that. So I let it go, and willed it to be very long.
What the fuck happened to no attachments, Jo?
I looked up into his eyes and as he smiled down at me I heard the words, "twin flame" echo in my head. What the fuck? I must be losing my mind, I thought. It's late and I'm imagining impossible things. Twin flame? What does that even mean?
I yawned and stretched and rolled over to spoon with him.
"Yes, yes, yes," he growled as he pulled me close to him, nuzzling his face in my hair and neck. I giggled and we just lay there breathing and holding on to one another. We fell asleep.
I woke with a start about an hour later, sitting up with a little gasp. Massimo sat up and touched my shoulder, "Do you have to go?"
I looked over at him sadly. "Yeah."
He pulled me back towards the pillows, wrapping his arms around me. "Stay with me?" He was touching my face and petting my hair. I felt a deep sadness growing in me, but I had to be strong. I promised Brian I would come home this night.
I smiled sadly at him and kissed him gently on the nose. "I have to go."
"Ok," he said, closing his eyes and smiling. He kissed my forehead.
I felt him watching me as I was putting my clothes back on. I sat on the bed next to him while I put on my shoes, then leaned over him for one last kiss.
I did not want to leave. Everything in me was screaming to stay, to keep cuddling him and holding him until his sadness dissipated, as well as mine...
He smiled at me and I hoped that the tears welling up in my eyes wouldn't fall.
"Thank you." I said, meaning it. I wanted to explain how much he had blessed me, but from the look in his eyes, I knew it was a reciprocated feeling.
I walked out the door and took a deep breath before descending the staircase. Crazy. That was crazy. I felt his presence all around me as I walked out to the car and drove home. I knew that I would see him again. He was here for another week, maybe Brian would let me go back...
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