Executive Dysfunction

*sigh* I love the sights, sounds, and smells of Austin, TX….being downtown in a crush of humanity on any given weekend night! Never will you want for bbq, tacos, live music, or drunken fun-loving antics. I was loving life and my amazing group of friends and this beautiful crisp winter night on Rainey Street with all the cool little theme bungalow bars one after another up and down the street. I was definitely buzzin and livin it up. Then he showed up out of nowhere. It just felt right to try some BDSM for the first time…

Rewind to a month ago. I had recently broken up with yet another “3-month boyfriend” and always one to stay positive and get right back up when life knocks me down, true to form, I hit the online dating sites. Again. Two days ago, I was pouty and sad, today I’m online and ON FIRE! I am totally owning this pool of candidates. They’re eating out of my hand, and I’ve barely said anything, other than turn them down or flip back some insolent, but flirty comment. It works every time. I am high on life and the fun of this online cat and mouse game. I play with them until I find one who I’m intrigued enough to meet face to face. Well shit, that lasted about a week. Sometimes I surprise myself! Thought I’d mourn that last relationship a bit more, but nope, a girl’s gotta keep moving. And if there’s anything I do well, it’s moving on.

Step right up Mr. Executive of a well-known global tech company! Generally, I pride myself on my rather selective requirements for someone before I’d consent to meet. This time I thought I’d try something a little different. Be slightly forgiving on the physical appearance and place more emphasis on quick wit with a heavy sprinkling of power and money. This should be interesting. What a character! Had me in tears of laughter right out of the gate. Ok buddy, I see you…. you have my attention. A few messages back and forth and he instantly assumed the dominant position, believing he had me hook, line, and sinker. I’m usually the alpha and calling the shots. This role reversal was exciting! A man with balls to actually step to me and demand my attention and time?? No fucking way. Who was this guy? Yeah, I’m interested for sure. Now all I had to do was see if he could put his money where his mouth was.

To protect the “not even close to being fucking innocent”, we’ll call my latest conquest “Daniel”. Quick size up, Daniel is a not too shabby 6’3”, dark haired, dark eyed, very fit, very well-dressed, rather average looking 35 year old senior executive. He owns a side venture with his wealthy family building luxury custom homes in the Central Texas area. He’s used to being obeyed without challenge. And he certainly does not look for unsolicited input. He knows all, sees all, and truly believes he’s a financial and business god. His pompous attitude and rock-solid confidence mixed with his cutting and quick humor pulled me in and I was now the one eating out of his hand. Not sure how he flipped the script on me like that, but I was just gonna go along with it. The butterflies in my stomach had to be trippin on some serious hardcore designer drugs. This was not in my nature to be led around by a dickhead like this. But….I went with it. New and unconquered territory, blazing a new trail, shaking things up by trying a wildly different flavor. And I liked it.

Daniel suggested, after a dizzying round of nonstop dry humor texting for days, that we absolutely must meet up so he could confirm I was real and matched my profile pictures. He chose a popular upscale sports bar in an up-and-coming area of north Austin that was a comfortable distance from my house. (Online dating tip – never date someone in your near vicinity or you risk awkward run-ins at your local grocery store. No Bueno!) I always arrive fashionably late. Ok, hold up, moment of honesty, I’m late for everything in my life. With family I’m considered a time management fuck up. With internet guys that want in my pants, I’m considered fashionable. Guess who I spend more time with?? Yup, no girl can resist feeling fashionable! Lol! Anywho, I arrive about 15 minutes past our agreed upon meeting time. And I spy him instantly right outside the front door looking all chill and not even remotely anxious or even excited. He almost looked bored. Soon enough I’d find out he wasn’t boring, just boarish! Recall my earlier comment about him being a dickhead? He’s about to earn it.

As I cross the street from the parking lot over to the sports bar, he looks up and makes eye contact. And then looks through me. And then beyond me. Ok, I see how you want to play all James Dean cool and aloof. Possibly pissed that I kept Mr. All Important waiting. No worries for me, I have my own ride and can walk out anytime I want. But it’s go time now, my blood’s pumping, and I’m ready to play. I approach him within a few feet and smile when he looks right at me. I extend my hand to him, “Daniel, right?” I give him a blazingly sexy smile and raise my right brow to add just enough sauciness to the first impression. He accepts my extended hand without a word and proceeds to slowly twirl me around for a 360 view of me. The audacity!! Hmm, hot. He slides his hand down to the small of my back and ushers me through the heavy wooden door without a word to me yet.

He informs the hostess he has reservations for two. His hand is now casually draped across my lower back and fingertips resting on my ass. Still no greeting to me whatsoever. I have the distinct impression I’m to be role playing as an escort this evening. I’m not a fan of role play but I keep a poker face and let him lead me to our seats. Once he gently pushes my chair in as I sit, he brushes his hand across the back of my neck, leans down and ever so lightly kisses my cheek. And whispers, “Yes. I’m going to enjoy you greatly.” My heart rate went from 0 to 200 in a nanosecond, and I found breathing to be quite a challenge all of a sudden.

He sank his large but elegant frame into the seat next to me. I fully expected him to sit directly across from me so we could talk and to be perfectly honest, size each other up. But no. Apparently, he relies on more primitive senses to do his sizing up. He sat next to me so that he could instantly put his hand on my leg and massage my knee under the tablecloth. My legs were crossed, so no possibility of direct inappropriateness. I gasped and gave him the age-old wide eyes and playful giggle. I know how to work the sexy innocence thing. With his other hand he delicately picked up my hand and kissed it, palm up, while looking intently into my eyes. No more looking through me or beyond me. It was definitely me he was seeing, and he was working that sensuous power gaze. He flicked my wrist softly with his tongue while holding my hand up to his mouth. I swear to God I do not remember uncrossing my prim and proper legs. Sonuva bitch. This guy was Lucifer himself. I may have bitten off more than I could chew.

“Don’t mean to interrupt the honeymoon, but can I get some drinks started for you?” Back to reality, thanks to the adorable perky waitress standing right next to me. I gave myself a quick mental shake and reached for the menu when I’ll be damned if Mr. Man didn’t give her our order. Yes, he ordered for me. It’s our first date, we’ve never even spoken on the phone. And he presumed to order for me. The alpha in me took center stage without conscious thought. He ordered me an amaretto sour, which I like and is my usual go to drink, and which I’m pretty sure I did divulge to him on one of our texting marathon sessions. HOWEVER, I order for myself. No one orders for me. Ever. I sweetly asked the waitress to change mine to a margarita on the rocks, salted rim, please. She looked slightly uncomfortable but took my change and left to put our drink orders in. I turned to Daniel, and he had an almost surprised look on his face. I asked all vacant-like “What’s wrong, good-lookin?” Uh oh, Mr. High and Mighty just got dethroned a bit? It was absolutely unavoidable, no humanly way could I stop my laughter. He surprised me by deftly sliding his hand up my now uncrossed legs and just barely skimming my panties under my mini skirt. Fucking shock waves! “So you like to play games?” he purred.

I knew I needed a moment to get a grip, so I casually excused myself to the ladies’ room. As I sauntered across the room to the back of the restaurant, I could feel his eyes on me. I needed to regain control, so I put a little extra sexy sway in my step and looked at him before I turned the corner.

The bathroom afforded me the privacy and quick few minutes to regain my composure. I powdered my nose, applied some fresh lip gloss, and headed back out there with renewed confidence. Upon returning to our table, I see he has graciously taken it upon himself to order for me yet again! This guy just doesn’t learn! I mean, I loved the nachos and ribs he ordered, but it just irritated me to no end that he’d presume yet again to make decisions for me. So, staying true to my contrary nature this day, I waved at our waitress and told her I’d prefer a plate of hummus and fresh veggies instead.

Daniel’s face was priceless when I turned to him and smiled. I’m pretty sure he fully understood I was very purposeful and not just simply “blonde” when I changed the orders. Now that we understood each other and the temperament of this first date, I was hoping the conversation would be light and fun and not broody as he appeared to be right now. He pleasantly surprised me when rather than addressing my order change, he settled into easy conversation with the perfect amount of sarcasm and humor. I began to relax and truly enjoy myself. He was a genuinely funny guy. Until he wasn’t. Our meandering fun conversation took a fast turn when he abruptly asked my age, height, general exercise/diet regimen, and intention to have more children (I already have 3). I do my best to hide my dismay and easily answer his strange pattern of questioning but let him know this now feels more like a job interview for 24 Hour Fitness than a first date. With a very smug facial expression he says, “Our genetics and lifestyles match well together, and I want pro athlete children. When I get you pregnant, I’ll make sure you have a trainer to maintain your form and fitness. I need healthy babies and I need you maintaining your physique.”

WHAT. THE. EVER. LOVIN. FUCK.

Did he seriously just say that?! Who is this douche canoe?!

I decide he can’t possibly be serious and is just testing me and the extremes I’d accept for pushing the humor envelope. I laugh and tell him the only way our genetics work is if he’s hung like a horse and has the endurance of a triathlete. And then quickly segue into a different conversation. “Speaking of genetics, tell me about your family. I know you said you’re all in business together and very passionate about it.” He happily latches onto this topic and I sit quietly for a long time listening to him regale me with his business prowess, power plays within the luxury home building industry, how filthy rich he is, how ridiculously elitist he is, and how he never settles…. only the very best for him. I was damn near yawning from the never-ending droning of how enormous his ego is until that last part. He followed that up with, “You are the very best. I want to show you the private residence I’m building now for myself downtown. Would you come with me and take a tour by moonlight?”

[Ok, I’m sure you’re thinking – no way is she going anywhere, least of all a construction site at night with this braggart asshole. But you’d think wrong! Oh yes…. did I forget to mention I’m a date daredevil and will do the oddest things just to say, “yup, I lived in the moment, I did that!” Not technically the smartest attribute of mine, I agree.]

So off to egomaniac’s construction homesite we go! We arrive on a quiet street just west of downtown. I’m amazed how they manage to break ground in between such grand homes with such narrow lots. But there it stands in all its semi-finished glory, his soon to be private residence. He leads me in gallantly, hand in mine, helping me navigate proper footing amongst the construction debris. His home is breathtaking! Three stories, very modern/industrial slant to it, large custom gourmet kitchen, wired for an impressive sound system, and views galore of downtown Austin. We walk out onto his third-floor balcony to view the twinkling lights of downtown in all its evening beauty. I can hear the faint sounds of jazz starting to play over his sound system. He shrugs out of his suit jacket and drapes it across my bare shoulders, lifting my hair up and kissing the back of my neck. He’s good…everything has been pre-meditated, designed for utmost show of money and refined taste that just oozes sex appeal. He gently slides his large hands down to span my waist and then brings his right hand up to skim across my breast as he pulls me back against him and his hand comes up to firmly rest around my throat. Not squeezing, but enough pressure to let me know he’s in charge. My breathing is erratic, and I want to turn in his arms and kiss him, but he won’t let me. His left-hand glides down my thigh and pushes up my skirt. He’s controlling everything and I’m so aroused that I allow it and follow his lead. And as soon as I think we’re gonna get to a “Houston, we have contact!” moment, he breaks all skin-to-skin excitement and walks away without a word. Dammit! What a dick! I steady myself with a deep breath and turn to follow him.

Down the stairs we go to that delicious, amazing kitchen. In it is a giant 10’ long rock island covered by a stainless-steel countertop. He removes stacks of tiles and tells me to have a seat up on it. Aye aye cap’n! Up I hop and instantly shudder from the ice-cold temperature on my backside. He opens my legs and pulls me up hard against him. I can literally feel his excitement resting right between my legs. He kisses me hard, almost punishingly and pushes me back while he unzips his pants. And then….nothing. Absolutely nothing. I look at him in the shadowy kitchen and see irritation and not sure what’s up. I go to reach for him and rub my hand down the front of his pants and am met with….a semi-erection?? Not exactly failure to launch, but more so Mr. High and Mighty is experiencing Executive Dysfunction down below? Really? Right now??

Apparently, he’s over the whole-smoking-hot-almost-sex in a heartbeat and tells me to stand up, “We need to go, I don’t need any neighbors asking questions.” Ok then. Off we go and he drives me back to our original meet up at the sports bar. He parks near my car and walks me to my vehicle as if he were some sort of gentleman, but I know better. I haven’t said much at all since leaving that kitchen, being treated like the whore I was being, doesn’t do magnificent things for my confidence. I go to open my car door and he kisses my cheek and tells me he has to travel for the next couple weeks for work but will call me when he’s back in town. Hmmm….please don’t, I think to myself, but say aloud, “Thank you for tonight. Your home is beautiful, thank you for sharing that with me.” Then I get in and pull away from him as quickly as I can without seeming to run like an antelope being chased by a cheetah.

Strangely he does in fact continue regular contact via text. His digital persona is so fun and quick witted and engaging! It’s been almost two weeks since that first date and like childbirth, the trauma of that date is fading and I’m starting to feel like I would like to see him again when he returns this weekend. In the meantime, my friends are all asking me to head out to one of our recent favorite spots, Rainey Street, for some drinks and people watching in a couple days. It’s on! Can’t wait to get out and mix and mingle and let loose.

Saturday dawns bright and chilly and I spend the day texting Personality Plus off and on. He asks what I’m doing that evening and said he wishes he could join me, but his flight is delayed. Which is cool, because I need a girls’ night out….and some serious flirting with random strangers!

Later that evening, the drinks are flowing and we’re getting our flirt groove on when I receive a message from guess who. “I see you; you are the sexiest woman in the room. Look to your left, I can’t take my eyes off you.” Dude, for real, I look left, and Daniel is just outside the window on the very crowded porch looking in to where I’m standing chatting up a storm and leaning into a super good looking, albeit drunk, rugby player. I just stop talking and stare at Daniel. I’m a little freaked out. And super wet all at once.

Daniel walks into the bar; informs the rugby player I was his and he needs to leave. He looks at me and says, “You shouldn’t have been so naughty on text the last two weeks, now it’s time to put your money where your mouth is.” Shit. I didn’t think I’d ever see him again, so I was going along with his increasingly BDSM comments for a while. I have ZERO experience in that realm. But here he is wanting to be my Dom and I was all too willing to be his Submissive for the night. I said goodbye to my girlfriends regardless of them telling me not to leave with him. They were all creeped out that he followed me and tracked me down and was so possessive. I didn’t listen to them and grabbed Daniel’s arm as he escorted me away from my friends and out of the bar. (Dating tip #2 – when your friends’ creep sensors go off for you, you need to listen to them.)

We make it to his rental home about 10 minutes later. We’re all over each other as we bumble our way to his bedroom. Once in his room, he closes the door and lights candles he has placed all around already. Again, this guy is prepared. He orders me to get undressed and to get on the bed. While I follow his command, he pulls out 4 silk scarves from a dresser drawer and lays them on a bedside table. He tells me to lay back and rest against the mound of pillows near the headboard. Without undressing at all, he takes a candle and drips some wax on my belly and then kisses me hard when I gasp. He sets his phone on the bedside table and turns it to record me. I promptly reach over and smack his phone off the table! Hell NO is anyone gonna record me! No way, no how, this ain’t my first rodeo! I can see he’s upset by my actions, but he quietly tells me, “You’ve been a bad girl, turn over on your stomach and stretch your arms and legs out to the bed posts.” I told him he was out of his damn mind which he answered by taking off his shirt and revealing his chiseled torso. My mouth went dry, and I slowly complied with his order. He grabbed the silk scarves from the bedside table and gently tied my wrists and ankles to anchors he had placed under his mattress and stretched up the sides. This shit is getting kinky fast and the little I’ve read of BDSM has me both curious and cautious about what’s coming next. Before I could finish another thought, he lifted my hips and put a pillow under me. And then spanked my bare ass. Hard. I was stunned and didn’t move so apparently that was a signal to do it again. This time I bucked against the restraints and told him to untie me, but he ignored me and continued to spank me, leaving his handprint, I’m sure. And just when I thought I couldn’t take anymore, he began to massage my ass, calming me. Down my legs, back to my ass, then up to my lower back. He asked if I was going to behave and when I started to respond, he spanked me again. Lord have mercy, I wanted him to fuck me hard and fast right then and there. I was totally into his game and begging for him. He was taking his sweet time getting to the grand finale though!

He was so frustrated by my erotic response to his manhandling of me. And that’s when I realized there was a problem. Again. I glanced back, hoping to see him pumping his cock getting ready to enter me, but instead I saw his semi hard dick. What the hell?! He couldn’t get fully aroused! He told me he needed to choke me and then he could ride me like I’ve never been ridden before. I was like TIME OUT MOTHERFUCKER. No choking, no more bondage, no hot wax, no spanking, nada! I demanded to be untied and have a cab called to get me. He complied with my demands without a word, called a cab, gave me cash for the cab, walked into his bathroom, apologized, and told me to see myself out.

So yeah, it just felt right to try some BDSM that night, but it didn’t quite go as I imagined. However, I was a lucky one. My companion was a freak, but not a deviant out to sincerely hurt an unwilling woman. (Dating tip #3 – don’t let a stranger get you naked and tie you up! Girl, what are you thinking?!) Daniel did text me the next day and graciously informed me that I was just not his type, and he would prefer that I stop texting him as it’s never going to happen with us.

Well, bless his heart.