You leafed us.

My very silly attempt at RM Stockton's obituary challenge. Tried pushing the 'outer limits of creativity'. Failed dismally so went with daftness instead. You can join in here:

The beloved birth child of Oberon Sinclair, reincarleafe'd in 2010, Kale Brassica became a regular feature on almost every health blog worth reading. Not to mention being showcased in countless Instagram reels daily. Though critics might argue, she was more photographed than eaten, she was consumed nonetheless. Her fans were quick to jump on the bland wagon. An almost overnight success, she enjoyed a fleeting but full leafed life. With growing endorsements from celeb dieters like the much revered Ellen and Gwyneth, the self- declared ‘superfood’ embedded herself into the guts of the health conscious with a tough, stringy glee.

A lost cultural icon, she is survived by her less prickly cousins, spinach and rocket, who, whilst temporarily wilted by grief, are hoping to reclaim their rightful place on the vegan table and thus are secretly relieved at her demise. One less greenemy to steal their poke in the bowl.

Renowned for her enviable ability to make any meal look healthy, just by resting on a plate, her unrivalled talent - to look green - enticed show boat dieters around the globe, becoming a regular addition to the morning routine. In her heyday, Kale wasn't just a food; she was a delectably inedible phenomenon, a verdant badge of honour for those riding the vines of the health consciousness jungle. "Kale was more than just a leaf, she was a lifestyle," reminisces a Hollywood celebrity, known for her kale-centric diet. "Her crunch was the sound of my morning procedure. No yoga class could be attended until we had shared a meal"

In her prime, she was the poster child for a healthy lifestyle, making appearances in every dish worth promoting, from soups to desserts, much to the dismay of fondant lovers everywhere – she was often considered more snooze than ooze.

Once the adored superfood of the rich, powerful and taste challenged. Adored by herbivorous dieters presenting the perfect pretence of a life fully lived everywhere. Abhorred and striking fear in the carnivores amongst us. She lived a dichotomous life.

Kale leaves behind a legacy of countless uneaten garnishes and a generation of paleo foodies who still haven’t fathomed any particular use for her other than snotting up their smoothies.

Alas, Rest in peace, Kale. You were ripe to leaf this world.

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