Who was that man??

It started with a dream…

As weird as this may sound, this dream made me feel different and made me want to know more. It was as if my “soul” left me and went to live this whole other life. A life that was very different from my own. I need answers to why now and for what reason I was allowed toventure there. Up and above my usual reality and all I could think of afterwards was why couldn’t I stay.

My life lately has been a confusing cycle of ins and outs, heartbreak, and humiliation. I was married once, maybe not in the best of relationships but it was a relationship nonetheless. I used to sit in my house and long for affection, attention, and love all the time (this is another story ugh). I used to think I would never know how that actually feels to love and be loved back;then this happened to me and I can't stop thinking about it. It's the one time I wish my dream was reality.

Lately, I've been using YouTube meditations to help me fall asleep and tonight I fell into a deep sleep, fast. Instantly I’m taken into this dream in a way I never felt before and it felt so real I could smell it. I’m on a sidewalk in a city, and it had to be New York from the way the buildings look and the noises I heard. I look around in amazement to see me, maybe, a couple years older and my son looking like an older version of himself. We were walking and talking like this was just normal for us to be walking on a sidewalk in New York City. I was very fashionably dressed, giving me the impression, I had a decent desk job and my son, tall and handsome, dressed very neatly as well. I’m not clear on what they (myself and my son) were saying because I was still so shocked to be there witnessing this version of me.

As I'm watching them (myself and my son) walk I notice some negative looking people approaching them and whispering. I was hazy on a lot of the next moves but I do remember a man in a long t-shirt and sweats, his face has a slash or bad scar on it. He was a heavy set, stocky guy and he ran to my rescue literally. He beat two guys up as if they were light as a feather. The man that was there was obviously scared but immediately and visibly taken by her hero. Once he was done words were exchanged by them both and he walked her home to an apartment building which seemed to be the same as he was staying. They appeared to engage in more conversation that night which to me the outsider looking in was amazed.

Now being here was already amazing to me but once she (me) and the stranger stopped talking I followed her (me) into her apartment. Looking around I was thinking “ok, this is not bad” not for me anyway. It was a 2-bedroom 1 bath with furniture neatly placed about it. It was small but neat and cozy. I followed her (me) into the bathroom and was able to place myself into her body. In her I felt her confidence, happiness, and visibly saw her effortless beauty. I just started my locs, but hers were long, defined, and had these beautiful hints of gray in them. I pulled the rubber band off of them she had on them and began to shake my head from side to side. It just felt so damn real. Being there, seeing myself from the outside, realizing some other side of me, and feeling her feelings I wanted that for myself.

I witnessed as if I was watching a movie, flashes of her getting to know the stranger that saved her. They enjoyed each other's company daily, she cooked for him, he cooked for her and from her expressions he was an excellent cook. I watched as her son (my son) got to know the stranger, grew closer to him, and they also played video games together. These flashes went by clearly and vividly because I could smell the food and hear their laughter. I could see in her eyes this love that developed, especially when they stayed the night at each other's houses. kisses they exchanged seem so passionate, they came from a real place, a place of love.

I zoomed in on a particular conversation she and the stranger had, he said to her “I wouldn't think a beautiful woman like yourself would like a man like myself” she responded, “I’m 45 years old, I’m not a woman getting to know people for their looks, it's a personality thing for me, but I do find you very attractive”. I saw this man smile and hold her tighter after the comment because he knew it was a genuine remark. If I hadn’t said it before, those feelings she was feeling, I want it for myself.

This dream got deeper and deeper by the moment, and now I'm seeing flashes of her (me) getting a phone call. Immediately after this phone call she wails, and cries a river of tears; she received news the man had died. I’m not sure how but he was gone, this great love she had found, just like that. The next flash I get is my mom's house, in Alabama and the woman (me) is on the porch with my mom still clearly sad and depressed. A limo suddenly pulls up in the mom's yard and she(me) and my mom go inside in fear of who was in the car neither of us was expecting. The person from the limo approaches the house, very well dressed, I remember saying to myself “damn his shoes fly”. He was a muscular built, black man wearing a tailored blazer and slacks. He had a mustache and beard and a low haircut with flowers in his hand. He knocked on the door, and my mom and I looked at each other. He just started saying “Is LaTonya Staples here” and she (me) swung the door open and said that’s me. If you could have seen my face on the outside looking in, my mouth was wide open, because who is THIS stranger?

As I stand there trying to solve this new mystery, the man starts into this speech that I don’t remember word for word but the outcome was insane. He says he loves LaTonya, he fell in love with her the first day he met her and he knows he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. She (me) says who are you, he says it's me, the man that saved your life that day, She (me) proceeds to touch his face because his very noticeable scar was gone, she touched his stomach and it was all muscle. She pulls her hand away quickly and says you lied to me for 6 months, why? He said I’m a billionaire and I have a hard time finding genuine women. I wore prosthetics and padding every day and lived in your apartment building to find someone like you.

It was at this moment my son came from the back, looked at the man, and ran to hug him saying “where have you been, we missed you, we thought you died”. Her son knew who it was immediately with no hesitation. Her son and the man hugged each other and tears streamed down her face. I could see her happiness, relief, and most importantly the love. I saw the stranger turn to her and say “what do you say, will you travel the world with me and let me love and take care of you”. She replied with more tears and “yes”. I saw her lean in for a hug or kiss so, I tried to get back in her body to feel this and as soon as I did, I was pulled out so quickly, I woke straight up in my own bed.

As soon as I woke up, I couldn't help but look around my room, thinking to myself, take me back there please. I needed to see more and how was that possible for her (me). She was thriving, she was beautiful, she was loved, and she was me. That dream gave me so much hope for what I could have in the future. I also have to learn to practice patience to receive the love that I so greatly deserve. If this dream was some sort of clue into my future, I’m all in! At the end of the day, I want that feeling she had, true love for myself.