Vestigial

Near the dawn of time, when the Earth was still a primitive place, the Gods of every pantheon convened in a grand arena, where life would be lived, to discuss their greatest creation: humanity.

Over several days countless gods came to contribute their additions beneath the light of the sun gods.

The gods of earth gave material, with which the gods of strength and power created man kinds form. They gave arms and legs so that humans may labor and earn the favor of the gods.

The gods of sea and water gave the body blood, sweat, and tears for people to give back, through toil, to the gods.

The air and sound gods gave lungs and voices so people may speak praise to the gods.

The gods of wisdom and knowledge thoughtfully sculpted the faculties of the mind so humanity may learn and know the wisdom of the gods.

Gods of beauty and art designed the senses so that humans may see, taste, hear, feel, and smell the beauty of the gifts given by the gods.

Gods of love and passion tenderly formed the heart so that humanity may feel the sweetness of love and give it to the gods.

After several days, the bodies were finally complete. The gods left the arena with proud smiles beneath the red glow of the setting sun. The next day the most powerful gods would breathe life and purpose to humanity. The cold, pale bodies of the man and woman were left standing in the center of the arena beneath the moonlight.

Every aspect of godliness was sewn into the being of human flesh, feeling, and thought. The main aspects of godliness that is.

“A conference to design the gods’ greatest creations and we weren’t invited to contribute,” a deep voice muttered from the shadow of the stadium column.

“It is the greatest of insults,” another hissed.

The trickster gods’, considered and treated as ancillary to the others’ were excluded from contributing. But tricksters were not considered tricksters by mistake, they have their ways.

“There is no one here now, perhaps I will make an addition of my own,” Coyote, trickster of the American Southwest said. He pranced from the shadows to the center of the arena beneath the human forms.

“Who are you?” A cluster of voices boomed from above. “You are not to be in here.”

“Who speaks to me in such a manner?” Coyote asked.

“It is Us the moon gods. We are to watch the humans until dawn. Their design is tedious and requires the light of day with which to work. Is that you coyote? You are not to be here. Your kind was not invited.”

“No,” Coyote lied. “It is I, Wolf.”

The moon gods could not see as well by its own light and as coyote straightened his head and puffed out his chest he did indeed look similar to his noble cousin wolf. Even so, the moon was wise and maintained their suspicion.

“Hello, wolf. You and I are old friends, I doubted I would mistake your look. Howl at me wolf, in the way that only you can, so that I may know truly that it is you and not some trick.”

The coyote looked to the shadows. Kokopelli, the coyote's fellow trickster and friend, prepared his flute and as coyote pursed his lips and lifted them to the moon, the trickster blew a note on his instrument exactly like a wolf howl.

“It is you wolf, my dear friend. What brings you here this late?”

“While we gods were convening for this marvelous creation, I got so caught up in envy at the additions of my great peers that I forgot to add my own. I came back, only just remembering it at the setting sun.”

“Wolf, you are a true and noble god, you may give your additions to the humans.”

“I wish to share with humanity, a piece of bone to remember me by.”

The human form was originally crafted with perfect grace and balance until Coyote added, to the end of their backsides, a small piece of his tail.

“For add grace and nobility to their movements,” Coyote lied. “Now they may better imitate me, Wolf, as they run in the wild.”

This is how humans came to their tailbones. It is said that every time a human falls on it or rides their bicycle seat for too long, the coyote howls to the moon with laughter.

Jealous of the human's ability to sleep and slip into the dream world to be gifted with heavenly visions, Maui, the shape-shifting trickster of the Pacific Islands transformed himself into Morpheus, the god of Dreams and approached.

“Is that you Lord of Dreams?” The Moons’ many voices asked as he approached.

“Indeed,” Maui said succinctly.

“Why have you returned Dream Lord? The human form is finished.”

“Yes, we gods were here putting together our greatest creation and upon return to my realm I dreamt of a wonderful addition to the human form. A new organ that will allow them to communicate with me in their dreaming.”

“What a wonderful idea. Please make your addition, Morpheus,” the Moon said.

Maui added the strange organ into the throat of the human form but it was not as promised. In fact, this organ, the tonsils, would plague humanity by causing such raucous snoring in the night as to wake the snorer and anyone around them, snapping them from the dream god.

Maui would one day come to care deeply for the humans, bestowing many gifts of fire and sailing to them. But his first gift was a rough night’s sleep.

Inspired and jealous he didn’t think of it first, Loki the Norse trickster emerged from the shadows.

“Who goes there?” The Moons’ voices boomed impatiently.

“Do not dare to question me, pale gods of the moon,” Loki said in a commanding female voice.

“Athena? Forgive us, we did not recognize you in the paleness of our light.”

Loki had shapeshifted into the form of Athena, Goddess of wisdom, the most respected amongst the wisdom deities, even amongst the upper echelons of gods.

“I have an addition to the form of man,” Loki reached into the mouths of the humans and placed four teeth into the backs of their mouths.

“These extra teeth will fill humans with wonder and wisdom. When these extra teeth rub raw the backs of their mouths, they will wonder about the cruelty of the gods and they will be wiser by knowing there are godly things that they are not meant to know.”

“Remarkable,” the Moon said. “As to be expected from Athena, wisest of them all.”

Loki nodded. It took great effort for the trickster to stifle his laughter until he returned to the shadows.

To this day, any time someone leaves the dentist dosed with novocaine after having these useless teeth removed, he is watching, bellowing with laughter.

Convinced that his wit would be enough to trick the moon, Anansi, the Akan trickster stepped to the center of the arena.

“Anansi! You are not welcome here spider. Leave now, do not return,” the moons’ voices boomed menacingly.

“Do you not remember moon gods? I have watched as the great gods have labored for the greatest creation. I watched as one of you, the great moon gods, contemplated your own addition to the bodies. I watched you craft this piece, then set it aside out of self-doubt. ‘What a wonderful creation,’ I said to myself. Humanity cannot go without such a wonderful gift. I have brought it to give the humans on your behalf.”

“One of us, you say trickster. Which one of us then? Say them by name so they may confirm or deny your claim”

Anansi, stroked his chin with one of his spider hands and pretended to think, “Was it Artemis, perhaps? Or Iah? Tsukuyomi maybe? I cannot recall, all of you pale-faced moon gods look the same to me. Perhaps you may discuss among yourselves which one it was?”

Of course, being gods themselves, every moon god had contemplated their own additions. The moon gods’ voices became a disjunct cluster of bickering voices.

During the chaos of their conversation, Anansi reached two of his long spider arms and added, perhaps the most useless addition of all. A small organ in the belly that serves nearly no purpose. Then crept back into the shadows.

Now, any time a person’s useless appendix needs to be removed, the moon gods hang their heads guiltily, believing the idea was one of theirs, and Anansi laughs.

As dawn began to break, the moon sank low in the sky, its eyes no longer on the arena. Crow, the trickster of Australia, flew from the rafters and swooped down to the shoulders of the humans.

The voices of the other Gods grew louder as they approached. The other tricksters watched on, with excitement and anticipation as Crow made his way around the humans’ bodies, pecking at their skin lightly, until it resembled that of a plucked bird.

Humanity had been given no ability to sense the gods. Though their godliness may whirl around them, they may never know it, except, now, by a strange sense that there is something beyond them that causes the hair of their skin to stand on end.

To this day, the crow chuckles humbly whenever their goosebumps put them on edge from an approaching deity or spirit.

The gods’ returned and the additions of the trickster gods remained unbeknownst to them. The most powerful gods gathered around the human form.

Zeus, Ra, Odin, Itzamma, Shiva, The Jade Emporer, Sango, and more, many more, gathered around the statue-esq bodies to give humans the spark of life.

These are the origin story of our body's most prominent vestigial organs. Useless gifts of the tricksters.