The Riddle Game

"It's your turn."

I swallow hard and hesitantly begin, "What burns without heat, sings without a voice-"

She cuts me off, "David, I know what you're doing." Her eyebrow is raised skeptically. It's always the right one, whether it's surprise, humor, or annoyance. I could sketch the curve of that eyebrow with my eyes closed.

I play innocent. "Yeah, I'm playing the riddle game, like we always do. I got yours right, so it's my turn to try to stump you."

She gives me a sad, possibly pitying, look. "You know I know the answer to that one. And you know we've talked about this before. I love you like a brother, but I just can't see you the way you see me."

The knot in my throat grows larger, but I manage to speak around it, "Couldn't we at least give it a try? Sometimes feelings change when you explore them."

She sighs, that exasperated sigh she gives when she has to break things down for someone who catches on slower than her. I've heard that sigh often, although not usually directed at me. "You know why we can't. You know I'll never be physically attracted to you. Hell, I came out to you before my family, for God's sake." The words are angry, but the tone is still gentle somehow. She knows she's breaking my heart all over again, and she knows neither of us is to blame. "I can't keep doing this, David, I can't."

I'm afraid of where this conversation is heading. She's been the other half of my soul for so long, even if she never realized how much so until recently, until that first difficult conversation. I don't know what I would do without her.

She says the words. "I think we need to spend some time apart. I think we need to learn how to be just friends again." She says we, but I know she means me.

I can feel my eyes getting wet. I blink hard to try to keep the floodwaters from pouring out. "We don't need a break for that. I can do that."

"We both know that's not true, at least, not right now." She sits next to me and gives me an awkward sideways hug. "You'll always be my first, best friend. I'll hold that spot for you until the end of time, until you're ready to accept it again."

She's about to leave for college while I stay here to pick up prerequisites at the local community college. She'll be halfway across the country, and now I won't even be able to talk to her. I just had to go and screw things up, didn't I?

She stands up and then leans back over to kiss my forehead. It's a benediction and a goodbye. I'm not sure if I'll ever see her again, not sure my heart will ever let me.

The tears wait until she's out of sight, mercifully. They run unchecked down my face as I whisper the unanswered riddle to myself.

"What burns without heat, sings without a voice, is heaven when it's returned, and hell when it's not?"

~

Belle's Challenge: https://vocal.media/writers/riddle-me-this-an-unofficial-challenge