The Newbies

The group of six gathered around a large oak table. Displayed before them in the center of the table were five objects, a gray feather, a lotus flower, a lantern, a camera, and a horseshoe. For hours the attendees argued over which object they wanted and why they wanted that particular item. None of them were allowed to touch the objects, so until they had been assigned one and held it in their hands, assumptions regarding what these objects were really for were all they had.

Five of the attendees, Agatha, Benjamin, Daniel, Tabitha, and Evie, were new, so this was their first time experiencing a meeting such as this. The sixth attendee was Gillian. Gillian’s job was to listen to their arguments, to keep the discussions civil, and to guide each of the new members through the process. Gillian would also be the one who decided which of the objects each of them would receive. A decision that was based upon her interactions with each of them during this first meeting.

Agatha and Benjamin argued over the feather. Agatha believed that the feather represented freedom and an ability to soar through the skies without a care in the world. Benjamin, on the other hand, believed the feather represented a light and easy existence with few struggles. Benjamin also expressed an interest in the camera, so when he wasn’t arguing with Agatha, he was trying to outsmart Daniel over who should get the camera, and both agreed the camera represented adventure, excitement and creating memories. Tabitha and Evie wanted the lotus, each of them wanted to be as beautiful as the flower and if they couldn’t have the lotus, they wanted the horseshoe, which is the object everyone seemed to have their eye on since it obviously represented luck. Not much discussion had taken place regarding the lantern; it was old and rusted though, so that wasn’t too surprising.

Finally, Gillian closed the meeting. She told the group that she would be making her decisions shortly and that when each of them woke up the next morning, the object that they were assigned would be in their rooms. Upon finding their assigned object they were instructed to then hold it in their hands and to concentrate on what that object meant to them personally. After their experience, they were further instructed to report back to Gillian. Sometimes she felt bad just throwing these newbies out there without a clue as to what to expect, but this is how they had always done it and so far, it was the best way for the new ones to learn.

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Daniel was the first to knock on Gillian’s door. He walked through the entryway holding the camera and sat at her desk.

Gillian immediately asked, “How was your experience?”

“For the most part, I think I led a good life. When I first found the camera, I held it in my hands and thought about all the places I would go and the memories I would capture in the process. I remember from a young age knowing what I wanted to do, so throughout my life I set out to accomplish my goal. I wanted to be the best, and I think I was. My photos were featured in several magazines and displayed in museums all around the world. My parents were proud of my accomplishments and so was I. I don’t think I ever really retired either. I just know I died at an old age, and I saw so many amazing places and took part in so many wonderful experiences through the lens of my camera.”

“Well, that sounds wonderful Daniel” Gillian exclaimed excitedly.

“It truly was, and while I am proud of my accomplishments, At the end, during my final moments, I don’t know why, but I felt a sense of emptiness,” Daniel responded after a moment of reflecting a little more on his experience.

“Why do you think that is?” Gillian asked.

“I don’t know. I guess in a way I experienced life from the outside. I was able to recognize beauty, but I don’t know that I ever really stopped to truly appreciate it. I took so many photos of couples in love, but I don’t think I ever really felt it personally. Love that is. I could recognize it because I had seen it so many times through a camera lens, but I was so busy and so attached to my dreams and success that I forgot to put the camera down long enough to truly live.”

Gillian was proud of him. He had learned such a valuable lesson during his first outing. She chose not to say anymore and instead dismissed him so that he could reflect on his own; a tactic that she believed would allow him more personal growth.

The second to walk through her door was Evie. Evie quietly walked into Gillian’s office holding the lotus.

After Evie sat down with a sigh, Gillian asked, “So, Evie, how was your experience? Was living a life of beauty all that you had hoped it would be?”

“Yes and no,” Evie responded with a hint of sadness in her voice. “When I first found the lotus at the end of my bed, I was ecstatic. I envisioned living a life like Aphrodite and being so beautiful that men would just fall over themselves to make me happy. While a part of that is true, I still wasn’t happy. I was told all the time how beautiful I was by everyone I met, and in the beginning that was wonderful, but eventually it wasn’t enough and honestly, I started to feel empty and not really seen.”

“Well, I am sorry to hear that Evie,” Gillian responded hoping Evie would continue with her explanation as to why she had felt that way, but Evie didn’t say anything else, so Gillian asked, “Are you familiar with what the Lotus flower represents?”

“I know it’s a flower that comes in different colors and is extremely beautiful. I think it grows out of the mud and in swamps or something like that.”

“You are partly correct. The symbolism of the lotus can vary. It is a beautiful flower, yes, but in order for it to survive, it must be resilient. Yes, it does grow from the mud and murky waters, but because of the strength of its petals, the flower is able to repel the dirt and perceived ugliness that surrounds it. It closes its petals each night, returns to the mud and opens them again with the sun each morning, so it is a symbol of rebirth as well. Only with this flower’s resiliency and strength is it able to reach its fullest potential. If we were to only look at the object for what it is, a pretty flower, we would miss all of the other attributes that it holds. It sounds like this might have been what was missing for you.”

“Yes, no one ever saw anything more than my beauty. Sadly, once that beauty started to fade, I didn’t know who I was anymore and despite people still telling me I was beautiful, it didn’t mean anything to me. Thank you for helping me see that.”

“You are welcome, Evie and we will discuss more about this later if you would like, but for now, I want you to take some time to reflect on your own and if you need me, I am here.”

As soon as Evie exited Gillian’s office, Benjamin entered holding the feather.

“So, how was your experience, Benjamin?”

“My life was just as I imagined it would be honestly. I coasted through life with barely any problems. I had great parents, great friends, great grades, and a great job. When I met the love of my life, I married her, and we had two beautiful children. We had very few struggles, but life, as I mentioned, was pretty much how I thought it would be once I saw that I had been given the feather.”

“Well, it sounds like your experience went well. Do you feel as though anything was missing or that you could have done anything differently?” Gillian asked.

Benjamin thought about the question before responding, “Well, I suppose looking back, I was somewhat bored. I mean, life was good. I don’t have any complaints, but could there have been more? I don’t know.”

Gillian leaned forward in her chair and picked up the feather that Benjamin had placed on her desk, “So, the symbolism of the feather is very close to what you believed it to be. The feather itself does represent calm, easiness, and harmony, but you were given a gray feather, which takes on a slightly different meaning. A gray feather can also represent and be a warning in a sense of stagnation. The color gray represents a balance between light and dark. It isn’t a bad thing that you led an easy life, but across many cultures, the feather also represents a connection to the higher self. Throughout life a conscious decision is made to either take the easier path or perhaps a path that might be filled with more challenges. While this life of more challenges might be more difficult, it can also be the path that leads to a higher sense of enlightenment and self-fulfillment. The decision is up to each individual and the meaning is always up for interpretation based upon one’s own perspective.”

“That makes a lot of sense,” Benjamin responded.

Gillian and Benjamin spoke for a little while longer about his experience until they were interrupted by a loud bang on the door. When Gillian opened the door, she found Tabitha on the other side sobbing uncontrollably. Benjamin took this as his cue to leave.

“I don’t want it anymore, please take it back,” Tabitha managed to get out between heavy gasps of air.

“Oh Tabitha, what happened?”

“I thought it would be good. I thought the horseshoe would bring me luck and everything I would ever want and ask for, but it didn’t,” Tabitha shared as she sat down at Gillian’s desk.

“Ok, so tell me what happened,” Gillian responded as she sat in the chair next to Tabitha and handed her a couple of tissues.

“Well, as a child I was happy. My parents were kind, and I had a close group of friends. I was a cheerleader and had an amazing boyfriend. During my second year of college, I went on a spring break trip to Las Vegas with some friends. While we were there, I hit my first jackpot. It was amazing. The bells were going off and the lights were flashing. People I didn’t know were hooting and clapping. One hundred thousand dollars. That’s a lot for a kid. I could pay for my education, I got a nice car, I went shopping and I took my friends and family shopping as well. Like I said, it was amazing.

“A couple of years after that I won another huge amount of money playing the lottery. I mean huge, more money than I knew what to do with honestly. I spent crazy amounts of money. Another new car, a house that was too big for even a family of ten and lots and lots of partying. It was a whirlwind. I went on vacations all around the world and was surrounded by people who loved me and loved being around me. Or at least I thought they did. My boyfriend at the time quit his job to spend all of his time with me. And the winning didn’t stop there. We would go to casinos all around the world, and I would win even more money. It was just constant luck.”

“Well, it sounds like you enjoyed life to the fullest. Why are you so upset?” Gillian asked.

“Because it was all fake. None of it was real,” Tabitha replied starting to cry again.

“Ok, and why do you say that?” Gillian asked Tabitha confused.

“I don’t know. I woke up one morning completely hung over after a night of partying with friends. I was alone. I eventually rolled out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t recognize myself. My hair was disheveled, mascara was streaked around my eyes and lipstick was smeared across my cheeks. I was a mess. I turned from my image and barely made it to the toilet in time to discard whatever liquor and food was left in my stomach from the night before. I remember feeling so miserable that I laid on the cold bathroom floor just sobbing.

“Eventually I got up and made my way to the kitchen. Two of my friends were passed out on the couch. There were bottles, cups, and trash on almost every surface. I just wanted to talk to my parents. I wanted to talk to my dad and hear him say how proud he was of me again, but I knew he wouldn’t say that. I hadn’t spoken with him or my mother for months. It was at that moment that I decided to change my life. No more partying and no more feeling like this, so I decided to cut everyone off and I did.

“A few of my friends took the news alright, but not all of them and especially not my boyfriend Jake. He was furious. He went into a rage and called me all sorts of horrible names,” Tabitha paused. She needed a few minutes to catch her breath.

Finally, she continued, “I locked myself away in my house for months. I didn’t speak to anyone. I didn’t trust anyone. I became paranoid and anxious. And no one checked up on me. No one called to ask if I was ok. No one. The only calls I got were from people asking me when I was coming back out so we could party or people asking for money. How could I feel so alone when I had so much and so many people around me? I don’t want it anymore, please, please just take the horseshoe back.”

“I will take it back, but it sounds to me as if you know why you felt that way despite everything you had. Luck and money are fleeting. Yes, money can buy a perception of happiness, but it, as you have learned, is only temporary. There are a lot of positive aspects to having luck and money, but there are plenty of negatives as well if neither is used in a good way. I know that this hurts, but you did learn a valuable lesson here. I hope you can see that,” Gillian said as she placed the horseshoe on her desk and held Tabitha’s hand.

“I do, but it still sucks,” Tabitha responded with a sigh.

Tabitha and Gillian continued talking and by the time the two called it a night, Tabitha felt a little bit better, but her heart still hurt, and she was still slightly disappointed.

So, four down and one to go.

Finally, Agatha showed up at Gillian’s door holding the rusted lantern.

“Hello Agatha. How was your experience with the lantern?” Gillian asked.

Walking into the office and immediately placing the lantern on Gillian’s desk, Agatha responded, “Well, I won’t lie. I was somewhat disappointed when I awoke to find the lantern instead of the feather. Initially I just stared at the lantern and wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do with it. When I picked it up though, I literally asked this inanimate object in my hands, ‘what am I supposed to do with you?’ I immediately saw flashes of different scenarios and what could be and then I understood.

“So, I became a counselor. I became a beacon of light for others. I helped so many people. I stopped a man from taking his own life once. I helped so many women get out of abusive relationships and helped them to find a foundation to rebuild their lives. I helped strangers, family, friends, and anyone else who just needed someone to listen. I never married or had kids, but I had dogs, and I had love from family and friends. When I came back and saw the lantern I was confused though. While it was still rusted, it looked even more worn and when I picked it up, one of the glass panels shattered. I helped so many people, what did I do wrong? I really thought I lived a good life. It sounds silly to say and almost selfish but maybe I wasn’t truly happy. But why wouldn’t I have been happy?”

“Agatha, you led an exemplary life. You gave hope and love and guidance to so many people. But I am curious, what did you do for yourself? What did you give yourself?”

“I…umm…I guess I don’t know what you mean by that. I found joy in helping others. Wasn’t that enough?”

“I don’t want you to think you did anything wrong. You didn’t, you served others, which is a wonderful gift. Look at the lantern again, but really look at it. The lantern is just a vessel that holds the light. It is rusted and worn because it has been used, but in order for that vessel to continue holding that light and not break, it needs to be taken care of as well. Does that make sense?” Gillian asked Agatha.

Agatha thought about the question for a few minutes before replying, “I don’t know. If you are asking if I took care of myself, I think I did.”

Gillian offered more clarity, “Often times when people are that beacon of light, so to speak, for others, they don’t see themselves in the equation. Their joy comes from helping others and there is nothing wrong with that. However, unless these givers take care of themselves in return, they might eventually find themselves broken with nothing left to give anyone else. Unfortunately, when this happens, the light in the vessel goes out. So, did the benefits outweigh the cost?”

“I think it did,” Agatha replied as she thought about all of the people she had helped.

“Then that is all that matters. I will see you and the rest of the group tomorrow morning in the meeting room. Thank you!”

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The six attendees sat around the same large oak table. There was nothing in the middle this time though and none of the attendees seemed very happy to be there.

After a few minutes of discussing each of their experiences, Tabitha directed her question angrily at Gillian, “I don’t know why you didn’t warn us beforehand what our experiences would be like?”

Gillian smiled and responded softly, “Because the only way for any of you to truly understand what the experience would be like was for you to actually experience it. The objects that you were assigned were your training wheels so to speak and there will be more of those in the future for as long as you need them. The point of these objects is for you to look at the duality and symbolism that each possesses both before you embark on your journey and after as a means of assessing how your journey went. While you can’t take the objects with you, you need to learn to listen to the voice that is inside your head. That small voice that you hear, which sometimes seems to be nagging at you, is you. That voice is the you that you are right now, the fully aware you that is trying to tell the you that is actually living and experiencing life that you should be doing something more or to not do something because it isn’t safe or right. That voice is also me sometimes guiding you and nudging you along, but more times than not, it is you with some recognition of all of this. Does that make sense? I know it sounds confusing and of course, you won’t remember all of this in the moment the next time, but eventually you will…”

“Whoa, wait, we have to do this again? But we all failed,” Evie interrupted while the rest of the group nodded their heads in agreement.

Without finishing her previous thought, Gillian responded to Evie’s outburst, “Well, yes, of course you have to do this again. You are all new souls after all, and you still have so much to experience and learn. You didn’t fail Evie, none of you failed, you learned. Learning a lesson doesn’t mean you failed, it means you tried, and it means you lived! Don’t worry, you will all have plenty of time and several attempts to learn everything that you are supposed to. The process will get easier, and I will be right here beside each of you along the way for as long as you need me.”