Lost Connections

“It’s gone!” Beth’s voice shrieked through the house.

Nate’s face was impassive as he set his magazine down, his finger marking his page. “I know.”

And I knew they weren’t referring to the same thing. They couldn’t see me, couldn’t hear me. I had tried getting their attention before it got to this point, but they were unaware of the danger they were in, the danger they had created for us.

She was referring to the money she had squirreled away for her next vacation, the one he had said he wasn’t going on. She had been saving up for a little over a year to make sure she could afford the plane ticket, the rental property, and a car. It had been a dream of hers for years, one she had originally planned for him to take part in. She found it didn’t bother her the way it should when he said he wasn’t going. There was a new excitement unlocked instead and it had nothing to do with me.

Nate was indeed referring to me, but she had no idea. He had lost me. Misplaced me somewhere. But it wasn’t by choice. He had tried holding on, but I slipped through his fingers like sand.

And now he replaced me with something else, something I must say I am slightly afraid of.

“Where is it?” She walked through me, standing inches from his face. Her cheeks were inflamed and I could see tears leaking from the corners of her eyes. I wanted to burst, seeing her look this way hurt so much.

He didn’t seem to care at all. He didn’t flinch away, didn’t change the cold expression on his face at all. He just removed his finger from the magazine and pointed to the ceiling. My replacement seemed to glow, enjoying the new developments as I tried to get my previous owner’s attention. My voice couldn’t reach him.

“You’re going to need a new roof Beth.”

“Excuse me?”

“I took the money.”

“Repeat that.”

He stood up, towering over her now. The tears had dried on Beth’s face. Her edges were glowing, he couldn’t see. He had no idea what was happening and I shouldn’t have cared, but I did. I reached out, trying to stop it, but it was too late.

I was too late.

“I took the money.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because you need to leave.”

And that was it.

Another ghostly figure stepped away from Beth, standing beside me now. They shivered, glancing between the two humans in front of us. It shifted to look at me for a moment and then shriveled into nothingness on the floor.

Beth didn’t even try.

That was the difference between Beth and Nate. Nate did all he could to hold onto me. But Beth, once it was over, that was it. There was nothing there waiting to step in and replace it. It was a void, awaiting the next one.

“Maybe you should leave Nate.”

“The house is in my name.”

“That’s right! My father warned me about that.”

Nate rolled his eyes and walked away.

“Of course, walking away. That’s all you’re really good for isn’t it?”

I reached for Beth’s hand, but couldn’t grasp it. I wasn’t sure who I should chase. Her or him. Who did I really belong to?

I suppose it didn’t matter. They had both lost me, misplaced me even though I had been trying for months to make them realize what they were doing.

I did little things at first, flitting into their dreams while they slept. Filling their minds with visions of one another. I grabbed hold of their desires and tried tying them together. I learned about unbreakable knots, but they could only be completed if both parties wanted the same thing. I didn’t know who was the first one to stop caring, I didn’t think it was Nate. I didn’t think it was my host! Could it be? Was I that blind to what was happening?

I was the reason Beth begged Nate for a monthly date, time spent together. I needed to be revived. I couldn’t live on the scraps they were giving me. It wasn’t enough to sustain me, it wasn’t enough to make me hold onto them. In the end, they let go of me before I was completely finished.I was meant to stay with them forever, that was my job, the whole point of my existence. I would stay until one of them died and then I would remain with the surviving member, I would give them a reason to keep going before we moved onto the next world together.

I didn’t want to be lost, now I’m scrambling to find a way to exist.

The alternative is terrifying.

I dashed after Nate, grabbing him. I could still feel him, but it burned. It hurt so bad, I quickly released.

He spun around.

His face clouded over, his eyes growing dark. His jaw was clenched tight and his fists were at his sides. He had replaced me with hate, a hate so strong I could feel it destroying me.

Beth surprised me, standing her ground and not flinching away the way that I did. I had shrunk to a spot on the floor. They both looked like giants, separate beings from the couple I had followed and clung to for fifteen years. I had diminished in size since the third year, but I had managed to hang on until Nate forced me out.

“People don’t walk away from you Beth, they run. Do you want to know why?”

“Enlighten me!”

“It’s because you’re toxic. It’s like being with Medusa to be honest. I have never met someone so damn draining.”

“And I have never met someone so self centered. I hope you enjoy your life Nate, I hope you enjoy being alone.”

“I can’t believe I ever loved you.”

Everything went black after that.

Silence filled the space I had once existed in.

There was no warmth, just a cold stagnant emptiness.

I wanted to move, wanted to squirm.

But I couldn’t.

I wanted to be found again, I wanted to belong somewhere.

But it wasn’t possible. Not until Nate found what he had lost, and he didn’t care enough to do so.

Katrina Thornley is a poet and novelist currently located in Rhode Island. To see more of her writing click here!