I Have a Man, But...

I have a man who does not hit me, but his words can sometimes make me scream out of the blue. I need to scream to let that hurt out. If I do not scream, I will make the fire in my body bigger and bigger.

I have a man who does not hit me, yet my emotions are unheard, I lost count of how many times I told him that I want to be surprised, that I want us to go on dates because even though we are parents that does not mean we now have to be like dead flowers. It feels like he is becoming a grumpy person who complains. Really, I am aiming to not be called a Karen, even when I get bad customer service I stay quiet and stay mad on the inside. But when he is unsatisfied, he tells me what he doesn't like and complains about the workers. I just sit and listen, but I wish he understood what it is like to work in customer service.

I have a man who does not hit me, yet I can see it in his eyes that when he looks at me, I am like any other person he is looking at. His heart does not glow by my presence. When men ask me to go out with them I tell them a straight answer: "No, I have a boyfriend." But I am certain that if any girl were to ask him out, his response would be: "Sorry, I have a girlfriend," or "Unfortunately I am dating someone." Unfortunately?? Unfortunately?? Am I not special?

I have a man who does not hit me, but I deeply wish he could understand that even though his loyalty is appreciated, I wish he could see my worth. I wish he could smile as I smile at him. I wish he would stop making excuses about the changes in relationships. My dad has been married for thirty years to my stepmom and even when they are upset they crave each other's company. When my man is upset, we can only be on good terms when he feels like he's ready to talk to me and be in a good mood. When I am upset, he waits until I get over it, and when he is upset, I think of ways to make him smile again. I let him know I still love him even when he behaves like a dark cloud over me.