Days Later

If walls could talk… they’d be terrible gossips.

“Well his new girlfriend has settled in well,” said Wall.

“A little too well, if you ask me,” said Table.

“She’d ‘ave to be better than most of ‘em,” said Chair, “I reckon ‘e’s ‘ad more than ‘is fair share of crazies.”

“Don’t I know it,” said Table, “remember the one who used to slam the frying pan down on me when she was cranky? I’ve still got dints all along that side.”

“Yeah well, at least she wasn’t like that blonde, the one that played darts… really badly.”

Chair and Table gave low, sympathetic chuckles.

“They’re certainly both very keen on each other,” continued Wall, “he’s had her up against me three times this week, vigorously. I may have broken a nail.”

“See, that’s my gripe. She’s perfectly comfortable to use us any which way. I mean, I’m glad they like each other, but it’s a bit confronting having her breasts squashed across me quite so often – and they are quite large.”

“Hmff,” grunted Chair, “breasts. You’re lucky.”

All three pondered this in silence.

764 days later

“Hey Tabs,” hissed Wall, “did you see the rock on Anna’s finger?”

“See it? She put a new scratch across me when she was laying plates. Of course I saw it.”

“What?” said Chair, “you mean ‘e’s popped the question?”

“Yep. Remember they got all dressed up the other night and went out for dinner?”

“Sure, it was nice to get a rest,” said Table.

“Well I think he was going out to propose.”

“I don’t know,” said Table dubiously, “he was always saying that marriage is a fool’s game, that he’d never fall for it.”

“Yeah… ‘e was sayin’ that, but ‘e ain’t been lately,” said Chair.

“And this is the longest he’s stayed with a woman,” chimed in Wall.

“Since you put it like that…”

417 days later

Chair sighed, “It’s good to ‘ave ‘em back. I liked the rest, but I was startin’ to miss ‘em.”

“Yes. Well…” Table paused, “it is, I suppose, but I thought the idea of the honeymoon was to get all that… business, out of their system.”

“Oh come on,” said Wall, “it’s good that they’re in love.”

“Huh. You’re not the one who just got a fifteen minute work out. I think I’ve sprung a joint, my back right leg may never be the same again.”

“Makin’ yer legs tremble are they?” sniped Chair.

“Oh shut up you. Anyone would think they didn’t own a bed.”

“They do seem rather revitalized, don’t they,” said table, “marriage obviously suits them.”

“True. I’ve never seen him so happy, he was singing while he made dinner and dancing around me while he laid the plates.”

“Till ‘e kicked ‘is toe on me,” said Chair.

“Yes,” said Wall, “but he didn’t even swear much when that happened.”

314 days later

“Hey Wall, can you see what they brung ‘ome from the shops?”

“I wasn’t entirely sure, but I think it might have been a crib.”

“Eh? But it’s all in bits. ‘Ow is that a crib?”

“I think they must have assembled it,” said Table, “you know, brought it in pieces and then put it together. Barbaric practice, I know.”

“Ah, that would explain the rather exhaustive flow of expletives earlier,” opined Table, “they must have been assembling it.”

“What they want a crib for any ’ow?”

“Well…” said Wall slowly, “well, well, well.”

“Three ‘oles in the ground what ‘ave water in ‘em.”

“Shush,” said Table, “you don’t think…”

“Why else would they get a crib?”

“ ‘ere, you don’t mean ‘e’s got ‘er up the duff.”

“I think,” said Table, “ that he has, as you so eloquently stated, got her pregnant.”

“A child in the house… and maybe they won’t stop at one,” said Wall, “it will be a big change for all of us.”

“Uh huh, it will,” muttered Table gloomily, “dints all over my surface where they bang their cutlery, not to mention the squashed banana.”

“Cheer up old chap. Kids aren’t all bad. Just think, music and laughter and fun.”

Table sighed, “I suppose you’re right. Mind you, you’ll get your share of trouble – dirty hand-prints to say the least.”

“No doubt, but what’s that in the scheme of things.”

“You know,” interrupted Chair, “I bin thinkin’…”

“Admirable effort chap, keep it up,” said Table.

“Oi! I ain’t finished. I reckon that’s lots a’ bits for a crib, eh.”

“Ooh,” said Wall, “you’re right. And they were in there for an awfully long time putting it together.”

“Well? He’s no carpenter, and neither is she,” replied Table, “so it’s hardly surprising that ‘some assembly required’ was a significant impediment to them.”

“Yeah, nah,” said Wall, “I think Chair’s right eh. I think there’s two cribs.”

“What on earth for? Surely a baby can only sleep in one… crib… at… Oh,” said Table.

“Yes.”

“I see now.”

“Quite.”

164 days later

“I just heard him on the phone,” said Wall excitedly, “he’s going to pick her up from the hospital.”

“And you’re sure it’s a boy and a girl?”

“Yep, well, he said Melony and Allan, so I assume so.”

“I’m really not sure about those names,” said Table, “especially Melony.”

“I though’ it was a nice name,” said Chair.

“Well I rather feel it makes her sound like a cantaloupe. What was wrong with his other suggestion, Leia and Luke? That sounded perfectly fine.”

Wall snorted, “You’re not serious are you Tabs.”

“At least it’s better than that ridiculous suggestion he made first; Sea Threepio and Artoo Deetoo.”

“Mmm hmm,” said Wall, not trusting himself to speak.

“She was quite right to dismiss them. Honestly, I don’t know where they get these ideas from.”

528 days later

“Didja see that today didja?” said Chair excitedly, “ ‘Ow good is ‘e, the little bloke. Pulled ‘imself up usin’ me an’ ‘e started walkin’. ‘Ow good!”

Table sighed, “He took two steps and fell flat on his bottom. It’s hardly what I’d call walking.”

“Oh lighten up Tabs. Like Chair said he’s started walking.”

“You lighten up. I’m sick of having mushy vegetables spread all over me. I’m sure it’s great that John feeds them in his lap; wonderful bonding father… thing. But he never cleans me off afterwards.”

“Well I think you’re just over-sensitive. It’s just some food, that’s all, it’s not like they’re taking to you with a buzz saw.”

“Over-sensitive? Go paint yourself! But you know what, now they’re starting to walk, guess where they’re going to be putting their mucky hand prints. That’s right, you had it easy while they were crawling.”

“Oi, you two. ‘Ow about ya both settle. I ‘ear ya about the veggies, but that’s what ‘avin’ kids is like. I cop my share too eh.”

Table and Wall descended into general muttering and then silence.

“The main thing is they’re a family an’ they’re ‘appy, right?”

Wall sucked in a breath, “Not sure she’s entirely happy at the moment.”

“What do you mean?”

“Sometimes I hear her, just under her breath, when he’s not around. I… well… maybe she’s feeling a bit unappreciated.”

Table paused, “Not surprising, two kids under two; he’s busy and she’s tired.”

1297 days later

“Would you look at this then,” said Wall, “man I’m trashed. You wouldn’t think half a dozen five year olds could do this much in three hours!”

“Oh, I’d believe it. I warned you in the lead up to their party, remember.”

“It was ‘eaps a’ fun though, wa’n it,” said Chair cheerfully, “ ‘Ow was that little bloke kept climbin’ up on me an’ jumpin’ off.”

“I’m not entirely sure Anna was happy about it,” said Table, “in fact I heard after the party her complaining to John.”

“Is it just me, or lately has she got a bit… I don’t know, cranky?” asked Wall.

“Dunno,” said Chair, “everythin’ seems ok t’ me.”

“I did hear them yesterday disagreeing over something,” said Wall, “something about the sheets not getting washed.”

“Yesss,” said Table slowly, “And last week I recall her blowing up at him – you’re always working – and he was saying something about paying the bills.”

“What do you think Chair?”

“Huh? Me? Dunno, so long as the kids are ‘appy, right.”

147 days later

Mute, sad silence hung over the three of them. The kitchen clock ticked dismally, carving seconds from the silence. Finally Wall sighed and spoke,

“Well that’s torn it.”

“Yes, that it has. What a mess… what a nightmare.”

“I miss the kids,” sniffed Chair.

“They’ve only just left,” said Wall.

“Don’t care. I wanna ‘ear Allan laughin’ an’ that. An’ I wanna see Mel’ny stompin’ roun’ the kitchen with ‘er mum.”

“It was one hell of a barney,” said Table, “she shouldn’t go saying some of those things.”

“Well he shouldn’t bloody well say some of those things either! It’s not all on her,” retorted Wall.

“What do you mean, ‘some of the things he said’ – he was bang on with what he said about work.”

“Banging on is exactly what he does! All he does is make bloody excuses; work this, work that – there’s more to a marriage than work!”

“What a load of rubbish. She’s just a damned ungrateful bitch, is what she is!” shouted Table.

“Bollocks!” yelled Wall, “he’s nothing but a self-centred bastard.”

“Oi, guys, guys…”

“Shut up!” they yelled in unison.

There was a sudden, shocked silence.

“I… oh crap, I didn’t mean it Chair,” said Wall.

“Yes,” chimed in Table, “I’m afraid it’s all rather fraught, we didn’t mean to – “

“Doesn’t matter though, eh. Ya both said it. Youse can get stuffed, both of ya.”

Gloomy silence descended again, though somehow thicker now, more charged. The ticking clock sliced the air.

11 days later

“Uh Chair,” hesitated Wall, “uh, how are you doing?”

Chair snorted, “Ain’t seen the kids in weeks. ‘Ow do ya think I’m doin’?”

“Maybe you should leave him alone,” said Table.

“Oh fuck off.”

The kitchen clock sliced off gloomy seconds.

47 days later

“Wall… I… I’m sorry. The things I said… I regret saying them. I was wrong.”

“You know what makes you such a pain in the arse Tabs? It’s that you’re actually a really decent bloke. And I have to admit that.”

“Well one of us has to be.”

“Yeah don’t rub it in,” said Wall.

Chair sniffed, “Glad you two are ‘appy. But I want the kids back, an’ even Anna.”

“We did see them on the weekend. I know it’s not the same old chap, but it’s something,” said Table.

They settled back into silence, except for the ticking of the clock.

60 days later

“Oi youse two,” said Chair, “they must be comin’ for another visit; e’s cleaned the kitchen.”

“He’s done more than that,” said Wall, “he’s cleaned up most of the house and done a fair bit in the yard, from what I can see at least. He keeps coming in sweaty and dirty.”

“I heard him on the phone yesterday,” said Table, “ I think they might even be reconciling. Might be.”

“Well, they’ve been a bit less frosty towards each other…”

Wall was cut off by the clock chiming the hour, it’s tinny, ersatz bell dinging shrilly.

11 days later

“Ow,” said Table.

“An’ Mel’ny sat right up ‘avin’ tea,” said Chair, “an’ Allan tol’ that funny joke, an’ everyone laughed.”

“Ow,” said Table again.

“Yes,” said Wall contentedly, “it’s great to have them back.”

“Ow,” said Table persistently.

“An’ then the lit’le ones trotted off ta bed.”

“Yes – ow – they did,” said Table, “and Anna and John decided to – ow!”

“Well it’s nice that they’re very… in love, again,” said Wall. “Back right leg Tabs?”

“Too – ow – bloody right. I think the joint will – ow – need reseating, or a screw.”

“Mmm hmm,” said Wall, carefully not speaking.

1550 days later

“Ten year olds should be banned from birthday parties,” said Table, “would you just look at the state I’m in?”

“Aww, me kickboards took a right beating too,” said Wall.

Chair chortled, “Yer a pair o’ ninnies. Listen to ya! The party was the best. The kids ‘ad a hoot!”

“Well, ok. I suppose it was rather fun, but Anna and John were so tired afterwards they just left the cleaning up and went to bed; I mean, I’m covered in ice-cream cake, I’m sure.”

“Not ‘ardly, it’s just a few spots ‘ere an’ there.”

“It was good to see John getting into it so much. He’s been working too hard lately,” said Wall. “A nerf gun fight with a dozen ten year olds is exactly what he needed.”

“True,” murmured Table, “and Melony and Anna loved it too.”

580 days later

“She’s been home sick, again, today,” said Wall. “I heard her call out goodbye to John then she went back to sleep.”

“Remember they called some specialist to book an appointment,” said Table.

“What? When?”

“Last week, that day he stayed home with her.”

“I don’t recall that; I must have been dozing at the time,” said Wall.

“Well that’s scheduled for today.”

“Wait… yep, I can hear her getting up now. I hope they can help get her sorted out; she’s been awfully sick.”

“Yeah, she ain’t ‘ad time to ‘elp the kids with stuff ike their ‘omework.”

“That’s right. Young Melony is always sitting up doing her homework on me.”

“An’ Allan does ‘is in ‘is room,” interjected Chair.

“She’s been having trouble with maths,” continued Table.

“Ain’t it called math?”

“Er, no. They do it more than once, see, so it’s called maths.”

“Well John helps out with that at least.”

“True, but he’s not as good at it. And besides, Melony also needs help with, uh… girl stuff.”

“Anyway,” said Wall quickly, “I’m sure Anna will be getting sorted out today.”

Chair snorted, “You two are bloody ‘opeless.”

39 days later

“Well that sucks,” said Wall.

Dead silence swallowed his statement.

6 days later

“Every night,” said Table, “since they got the news. He just sits at me and drinks and cries.”

“What d’ya ‘spect ‘im to do?”

“No, no… you’re right.”

“He keeps it together in front of Anna and kids though,” said Wall.

“Yeah. Not sure that’s what they need,” said Chair.

“You may be right,” replied Wall, “but he’s handling it the only way he knows how.”

Chair sighed, “An’ ‘e’s gotta sort ‘imself out at the same time.”

“Yeah. He’s hurting, alright.”

189 days later

Chair wept. Table started to say something, then stopped. Neither he nor Wall even considered advising Chair to stop.

“I guess,” said Wall weakly, “I guess at least they got to say goodbye.”

“Yeah,” said Table slowly, “it’s not much, but it’s not nothing either.”

Chair sniffed, “Wadda they do now?”

“Well, I guess John and the kids, they… I don’t know. What do they do now?”

“Carry on?” suggested Table, “it’s all they can do I suppose. But what does that look like? I don’t know; exactly what do they do now?”

The clock’s battery had run down. No ticking filled the silence.

365 days later

“It’s easy to forget Allan’s only thirteen,” said Table, “that speech was absolutely spot on.”

“You could tell ‘e’d put some work into it.”

“I think Denise helped him with it too,” said Wall, “and I liked Melony’s idea of an anniversary cake.”

“I’m not sure their friends all agreed,” said Table, “some of them looked a bit uncomfortable with the whole idea of an anniversary dinner to begin with, let alone a cake.”

“Good!” said Chair, “we shouldn’t always be comf’table.”

“You know, I think this might really help John,” said Wall, “he’s been turned in so much since Anna died… just seeing his close friends and knowing they’re still there.”

“It did make him start sorting out the house again,” said Table, “he even, finally, got around to putting a new battery in the clock.”

“It really ‘elped the kids I reckon. The whole, life goes on, thing.”

367 days later

“And I still think it’s pushy of her,” said Wall, “it’s only been two years; he’s not ready to go out and meet women.”

“She never said that,” retorted Table, “she just said he needs to get out more. Denise knows what she’s talking about.”

“Nope, I didn’t like that comment about being his wing-man.”

“For goodness sake man, it was a joke to lighten things up,” said Table.

“Well it was in bad taste then, at Anna’s anniversary dinner.”

“Wall, if Anna’s looking down on this, then she’s probably having a good laugh at it too.”

“I agree with Table,” said Chair suddenly, “Denise is right, John’s still ‘idin’ away too much. It ain’t good for ‘im, it ain’t healthy. And it ain’t good for the kids.”

Wall receded into grumpy silence.

281 days later

“I liked that he got the projector out and showed everyone photos from when they were little,” said Wall.

“He was careful not to show anything too embarrassing, I noticed,” replied Table.

“That was partly due to Denise too, she understands what it’s like to be a fifteen year old girl I guess – I’m sure Melony wouldn’t want too much shown at her birthday party.”

“Some of ‘em still got a laugh eh? Like tha’ one o’ Allan ridin’ ‘is dad doin’ pushups!”

“And they made sure to show some of Anna,” said Wall, “John misted up a bit at some of them.”

“I think everyone did. It was a lot for John though – I’m glad Denise stayed after the party to keep him company.”

“Huh? She just ‘ung aroun’ to ‘elp clean up, din’t she?”

“Chair, she took over an hour to clean one small part of the kitchen while she chatted with John. She wiped me over three times, and I wasn’t that dirty to begin with.”

“She’s been around a lot. She’s good for John.”

127 days later

“It looks like she’s staying the night,” said Table.

“What? No, she’s just come over for dinner again. She always heads off around now.”

“Exactly. She doesn’t look like she’s getting ready to leave – she’s settled on the couch with a glass of red – and she dropped an overnight bag in the hall.”

“Nah, that can’t be right,” said Chair, “ ‘e ain’t cleaned out the spare room. She won’t ‘ave a bed. Or is she gonna use Mel’ny’s bed since ‘er and Allan are over a mate’s place?”

“Pretty sure she’ll be sleeping in John’s bed.”

“No! What are the kids gonna think, eh?”

“I doubt they’re going to find out; the reason they’re staying over at a friend’s perhaps?”

93 days later

“Pretty sure the only person surprised at all in that conversation was John,” said Wall, “at the complete lack of surprise evinced by anyone else.”

“Mmm hmm, Melony and Allan aren’t blind, nor stupid, and John hasn’t exactly been subtle.”

“It’s good ‘e’s takin’ it slow though, lettin’ the kids get used to the idea.”

“I’d rather he got on with it,” said Table, “two months seems a little bit too slow, now they’ve committed to it.”

“To be fair, she’s round here half the time anyway,” said Wall, “her moving in won’t be all that different.”

67 days later

“Ow,” said Table.

“Mel’ny an’ Allan seem ok with it so far.”

“It’s been two weeks, it’s still all novel and exciting,” said Wall, “it will take a while to settle into routine and figure everything out.”

“Ow,” repeated Table.

“Denise is real good,” said Chair, “she’s doin’ stuff with the kids, but not tryin’ too hard, if you know what I mean.”

“Yes,” said Wall contentedly, “it’s good to have her here.”

“Ow,” said Table persistently.

“Back right leg, Tabs?”

“No – ow – that’s fine. She actually fixed that with a new bolt and some – ow – glue. It feels great now in fact. It’s just that – ow – she sanded my top.”

“Ah yes, I saw. She got the surface wear off, but I see the deeper dints and scratches wouldn’t sand out.”

“And I don’t – ow – mind those. It’s just that I’ll be a bit tender until she gets a coat of lacquer on me.”

Wall and Chair chuckled.

“If it’s any consolation, I heard her saying that Chair needs a revamp next.”

“Yikes!” yelped Chair.

“And then she wants to give me a coat of paint or two.”

“What about the measurin’ post?” said Chair, “she ain’t gonna paint over all the kids ‘ights is she?”

“No,” said Wall, “no, she made that very clear to John. She won’t paint over the heights records. She doesn’t want to wreck things. She’s just… joining the story.”