Curiosity Killed the Cat

Why do they go in there?

Sebastian yawned, baring sharp white fangs as he left his little cat bed, as perfect and soft as the day he got it. Sunlight poured in through a window to his right, drenching the floor before him in golden warmth. The two-legs called him “Sir Meowsalot”- How ridiculous! So undignified! - But Sebastian knew it was utterly absurd; all cats had highly sophisticated names. He stretched, pushing his paws out in front of him and kneading the dusty brown-white carpet with tiny claws. He curled up his back as high as it would go, then came back down to sit. He licked his chops a few times as he watched his two-legged owner step into the room. He tilted his head. Every day, at 11:00 in the morning and 8:00 at night, his owners would go in there (Taking turns, of course. They rarely stayed in the same room with each other for too long) and stay for 30 minutes to 1 hour. What were they doing in there?

Could it be a sort of trap? One that they got stuck in and took at least 1 hour to escape from? No, it couldn’t be. Why would they keep going in if it was?

Perhaps it was a - what did the humans call it again? - ah, yes! A pool. Because they always came out wet and clean-looking. Except… no, that wasn’t an option either. When they went in the pool, they always emerged wearing wet clothes; when they left THIS room, however, they came out wrapped in white things and not dripping.

That was another thing!

Where did the white things come from?!

His owner always went in there wearing her normal clothes, but when she opened the door to leave, she was wearing huge white squares of cloth wrapped around her body. Were they in the room? Was it a room full of huge white squares? That could be an option… but what could they possibly want to do with those squares??

Sebastian stared at the door as his owner reached out a hand to the doorknob.

That was it.

He had to know.

He skidded over as his owner turned the door handle, and meowed as loudly as he could. His owner glanced down at him with a wide smile before bending over to stroke his head.

He couldn’t help but purr.

Sebastian rubbed his head against his owner’s warm hand and pressed himself against her legs as he walked around her, stopping by the crack of the door that was open. He meowed to the hand on the doorknob and pressed his head against the white frame. She patted him, but then gripped him around the stomach and carried him across the room to drop him on the windowsill. “I’ll pet you when I come out, okay?” She assured him in her sweet voice. He looked into her emerald eyes and meowed as sadly as he could. He thought he heard her chuckle softly. “I’ll be right out!” She said as she walked towards the door. He hopped down from the window just as she shut the door behind her. He heard a creaking noise, then a sound like clothing being ruffled. He pressed his left ear to the door, desperate to know what was going on.

He knew the saying “curiosity killed the cat”, but he knew that if any doom were to fall upon him, one of his owners would save him. He heard footsteps thump past, and he whipped around to see his other owner standing by the front door. Sebastian meowed as loudly as he could to him, and he looked over, holding his keys. He grinned slightly, then shouted to his owner in the room, “Darling! Meowsalot wants to come in!” Sebastian grimaced as he called him by the name they had given him. He wished they could know his real name, but alas, he could not speak to them in words they could understand.

“Ahem. I am in the bathroom!” She replied, and Sebastian heard her shuffle around.

A bath…room?

…What?

He folded back his ears and tilted his head as he thought, wondering what that could be. He knew of this word, “bath”, but didn’t think they needed an entire room for it. Usually when the two-legs gave him a bath, they took him out and put him in a small bean-shaped bowl. And then- ergh- they filled it with water.

Sebastian cringed at the thought, then quickly shook it off. Water was a terrible substance, it was, unless it was going down his throat. Water was for drinking only, no other purposes. So what was his owner doing in this bath-room?

Could… she be having a bath?

No, no, no, it was an absurd thought! If the two-legs ever got dirty, they could just lick themselves. They did not need an entire room for that. Sebastian did it all the time. Although he had never seen them do it before, he knew they probably licked themselves when no one was around.

Was that why they went into that room? To lick themselves while they were alone?

He had to know!

“He’s just a cat! It’s not like he can tell anyone what he sees!”

What did that mean?

What could he possibly see in there that was so bad?

He heard a sigh come from the room, then he heard the lock click open. “Psst,” His owner said, opening a small crack, “Come in if you want to. If you don’t, then no problem either.” Sebastian smiled and meowed, then pushed himself through the crack and into the room. The second he stepped in, he gasped and looked around.

The color scheme was shades of reds, oranges, and yellows, like the evening sunset. The walls were orange, with red and yellow wave patterns that made Sebastian wonder how long it took to paint. Pastel yellow curtains hung across the room from him and were decorated with little orange sun patterns. His owner closed the door behind him, and he felt something soft under his paws as he walked forward. He looked down and meowed with glee as he saw a beautiful carpet beneath him, and began to make biscuits on it. It was pressed against a large cabinet, and he leaned down to sniff it. He lifted up his head after a moment. He couldn’t identify the smell, which was odd. The carpet was red, yellow, orange, then a dark red color, which went along repeatedly in strips until the end of the carpet.

He looked up at his owner and saw her sitting on a sort of oval- shaped bowl with a tiny silver door-handle shaped object at the top of the huge white part. He meowed to her and she smiled at him. Sebastian walked across the room to the curtain, which he then hit with his paw, wondering if it was something solid. He yelped and fell backward as his paw went through the curtain, and it moved to reveal a huge hole. Sebastian stood there for a moment, sniffing, bobbing his head up and down to see if there was a better area he could smell from, then slowly crept towards it the way he hunted squirrels. He heard his owner laugh, and she reached her hand out as far as she could to grab one end of the curtain, then pull It across. He jumped back, but then quickly darted forwards and put his paws up against the edge to peer into the thing his owner had revealed.

He gasped as he saw the biggest bowl he had ever seen. He leaped up onto the edge, but his left forepaw slipped, and he went tumbling into the bowl. He yelped and scrabbled around for a moment, trying to right himself, then realized that there wasn’t any danger. All around him, on the edges of the bowl, there were - hang on, he knew what they were called - Aha! shampoos, conditioners, and some other bottles of clear or colored substances he’d never even seen before. He turned around and saw a metal pipe hanging out of the side of the wall, and on both sides of it, there were X’s, one red, and one blue. Sebastian couldn’t even wonder what that could do. Before he could tap it with his paw, he felt something fall on his head. He looked up and saw a huge silver circle with a paw-load of holes dotted all over the surface. It hung from a long line that dropped down and came back up to stick to the wall. Something dropped from it and, before he could move out of the way, hit him between the eyes.

And it was wet.

The second the droplet touched his fur, he yelped and backpedaled wildly until his tail pressed against the back of the bowl. He yowled and jumped a few feet in the air, landing outside of the bowl and onto cold white tile. He ran over to the carpet by the cabinet and curled up next to the door until he was the smallest ball he could be. He quivered with fear and lifted his paw to his mouth to lick it. He then took his paw and wiped it over his face, to clean away the terrible water that had touched him. He did it a few times, just to make sure it was gone. His owner was watching him intently, with a smile on her face. Why was she smiling?! Why was she even in this ROOM?! It was terrible! It was small! It was WET!

He meowed to the door, begging her to let him out, but she only turned to him and said, “You wanted to come in, so now you’re going to stay in until I’m finished.” Then she got up from her oval- shaped bowl and pulled down the tiny metal door handle. He heard a whooshing noise, like water sloshing around, and dashed over just in time to see water splash down a small hole at the bottom of the bowl. More water began pouring into it from the top, and Sebastian folded his ears back, deeply confused. What was this dark magic?!

He meowed several times, creating a cacophony of different sounds, but his owner only rolled her eyes. She appeared to be drowning her hands in water at the top of the cabinet. He put his paws up on her leg to try and see what it was that she was doing, but she only laughed and pushed him off. He frowned at her as she touched him with a wet hand, and allowed a small hiss to escape his throat as he groomed himself, cleaning off the wetness clinging to his fur. Growling, he strode over to the door and sat by it, determined not to move until she opened it for him.

Once she had finished her hand-washing ritual, she walked over to the huge bowl and stepped inside. She pulled the curtain all the way across, then threw her clothes over the top. Several pieces hit the door, but her shirt landed on Sebastian. He yowled and rammed his head into the door, turning in circles, desperate to get the shirt off. He was enfolded in darkness; his heart pounded, feeling trapped. He shook himself out for a moment, then spotted a hole in front of him. He didn’t even take a moment to think; he immediately leaped out through the hole, squeezing himself through until he landed on the carpet. He meowed with joy and pressed his head against the cabinet, purring. His victory was short-lived, however. A loud noise, like a hose starting, broke the silence. He jumped, thinking water would spill through the walls and ceiling at any moment… but nothing happened. He cracked open one eye, staring around, then opened the other. There was no water. He tilted his head. He heard the water, but couldn't see it.

Odd.

There was definitely something fishy going on here.

Sebastian turned to the curtain, wondering if the water noise was coming from in there. Yes, it definitely was, for as he stepped closer, the noise got louder. At last, he poked his nose through a small crack on the right, and sniffed.

Yup, there was water here.

He pushed his head through until he could see what was going on inside, the curtain easily allowing him to move it aside. At last, once his head was through, he was able to see what was going on behind the curtain. He froze, his fur beginning to stand on end.

Water was pouring over his owner from the odd circle at the top. The clear liquid spewed from the little holes, nearly catching Sebastian on the paw. He quickly moved it aside, shaking and licking it.

He couldn’t understand.

She wasn’t even dirty- Why did she need to be engulfed in water like this?!

Sebastian had only had a bath like this once in his life- when his two-legged owners accidentally locked him outside when it was raining, and he’d slipped into a mud puddle.

That was not a very pleasant experience.

He meowed to his owner, trying to tell her to hurry up.

She jumped, startled, and then whipped around. “Sir Meowsalot!” She cried, laughing, “Give me a few minutes!” A mischievous look darted into her eyes and, before he could hop back, she took a small handful of water and flung it at him. Tiny droplets pelted his fur with the force of light rain, but still, as he glared down with disdain at his wet fur, he couldn’t help but feel a spark of anger at his owner. Why would she do that?!

Hissing, he retreated back to his carpet, where he licked himself until his fur felt nearly as glossy as marble.

After what seemed like an eternity, His two-legged owner finally emerged from the bowl. Hanging on some sort of rack on the wall, there was a huge white square. Aha! So that was where they came from! That was one mystery that had no consequences when solving. Unlike the mystery of the bathroom… locking him in here… getting him wet… He knew he would never come back here again. The second his owner’s foot touched down on the tile floor, Sebastian leaped up, meowing at the top of his lungs. Finally! Now she could let him out! “Calm down!” His owner said, smiling and grabbing the white square to wrap around herself. Sebastian arched up his back and began to rub around his owner, but quickly jumped back as he felt her wet legs. He shook himself out and curled in his tail, harshly licking it to calm himself down. Oh dear! She was wet! He had to help her! He raised his nose towards her leg and began to sniff, then opened his mouth and let his tongue slip out. He licked her once. Then again. Then again. He found himself licking her entire leg, determined to clean her. She giggled and twitched her legs the whole time, trying to walk forward, but he followed. “That tickles!” She noted as he licked her knee, the bristles on his tongue catching on the folds of her skin. He pulled his tongue back in for a moment, then switched to her other leg. “Alright, alright, that’s enough!” She laughed, moving him aside. She stepped forward and wiped her feet on the carpet, then reached for the handle of the door.

Finally!

Then, the moment he had been waiting for…

She opened the door, and the second Sebastian saw a crack he could fit through, He darted through quickly as a weasel.

He gave a meow of triumph, raising his head to the ceiling and displaying a whiskery smile. He turned around and saw his owner emerge from the room, closing the door behind her. He rubbed around her legs and began to purr, and she leaned down to pet him. “Oh come on,” She said, standing and walking towards her bedroom to get changed, “It wasn’t that bad! But if you don’t want to come in again, then no worries.”

Sebastian frowned. The bath-room was an awful place, yes, but his owner needed him. If he wasn’t there, who was going to keep watch as she washed herself in the big bowl, completely vulnerable? Who was going to remind her to hurry up, so that she doesn’t stay in for too long? Who was going to lick her legs clean when she emerged?

Sebastian walked over to his owner’s bedroom door, thinking as he waited for her to come out.

Sure, he didn’t want to get wet, but it was his job to protect his owner. He had to make sure she didn’t get hurt in there since there were plenty of ways she could.

He turned around to stare at the door of the bath-room. After licking his mouth a few times, he finally decided.

Someone had to keep her safe, right?

And he was the purrfect cat for the job.