Big Mistake

Big Mistake

By

Jamey O’Donnell

I am right across the glass from her, only 4 feet away, but I might as well be a million miles from her. I can see her beauty, and she’s as beautiful today as any time I ever remember her being, but I can’t smell her smell or taste her taste, and chances are, I never will again.

I never stopped to think about what I would lose, only what I would gain.

A brand-new life where money didn’t matter, time had no end, and the stress of everyday life would be a distant memory, but I never stopped to think about what I already had, and more importantly, that God had already given me everything I needed, with Judy being the most important cog in the wheel.

I justified my decision to do what I did by saying I was doing it for her, but I was doing it for me too. I wanted to not have to work so hard to provide her the things I thought would keep her happy with me, to ensure that she would always stay and never want to leave. I didn’t think she would stay with me until the end unless I did something spectacular, something that would make her head spin, something that would impress her so much that the idea of ever wanting more than me would be an act in futility and seem banal on its face.

The truth is, I never really thought I was in her league, and it was a mistake on her part to ever be with me. Each day of our life together, I kissed the ground that she walked on and thanked my lucky stars she was with me, but in the back of my mind, I was always on the lookout for the floor to cave in from under my feet, dropping me into hell’s half acre where I belonged.

So here I am now, sitting with her, and trying to explain to her over a phone line why I did what I did, ruining everything we had and all of our plans, trying to tell her that what I did was for us and our life, to help us do the things we planned on.

But she’s not buying it. She’s not buying any of it. And she’s mad as hell.

Mad that I could have done this to us, without even bringing her into the equation.

She had no say so in any of this, but now she has to pick up the pieces that I left behind.

She’s also hurting like hell, and I wish I could take it all back.

I wish I could turn back the hands of time and not gone through with this stupid idea.

Hell, I wish I’d never even heard it.

It seemed like such a brilliant idea at the time.

All I would have to do to make 2 million dollars was to drive two guys out of an underground garage in the trunk of my car to the airport, drop them off and leave them there 2 million dollars richer.

I’d known Rudy for most of my life, and he seemed like a sure bet.

If he told me something was the way it was, it was that way…period.

He’d pulled off a few bank heists in the past and never been caught and seemed to live the kind of life I had always wanted to live, not worrying about how much something cost before he entertained buying it, the same way I wanted to live. If he saw something he liked, he bought it, no problem.

All I had to do was open the trunk when I saw him and his partner come out of the elevator, then close it after they got in it, then drive out of the parking garage to the airport, stopping along the way to let them out of the trunk and into the back seat.

This time it wasn’t a bank he was robbing, but instead a very wealthy man that dealt only in cash, living on the 76th floor.

What Rudy’s connection to the guy was I’ll never know, but it was supposed to go off without a hitch in our giddy up. Right.

I guess Rudy didn’t understand how connected this guy was to law enforcement, because it was only three hours later that they showed up at the house, arresting me in front of Judy and hauling me off to jail.

Apparently, there was a surveillance camera in the garage I never noticed, pointing right at the car, getting me, Rudy and his partner, and the license plate, all on tape.

I’m not an experienced criminal, so I never thought to look for such things, but Rudy should have known. Why he didn’t tell me is beyond my comprehension.

Rudy and his friend were arrested the next day in Las Vegas and were extradited back to Chicago to face charges of attempted murder and grand larceny.

Everything was on tape. Them getting in the trunk and me shutting it.

And me with marked bills, 2 million worth, in the trunk of my car.

Open and shut.

There was no way out of this for me, and I was going to do at least 10 years in Joliet prison, if not more.

And Judy would certainly not be waiting for me when I was finally released from prison.

10 years is a long time to wait for anyone.

Judy was crying now. I couldn’t hear her sobs except through the sketchy phone line, but I could see them through the glass, and it was breaking my foolish heart.

Why couldn’t I just be happy with the way things were?

Why did I try to take the easy way out?

Why couldn’t I trust that Judy loved me for who I was, and not for what I thought she wanted me to provide for her?

She never once came off as a gold digger, someone that was more interested in things than in people. Because I’m so fucked up in the head, I couldn’t see her love for me the way I can see it now. It’s obvious to me now what a bone headed mistake I made, and if I had it all to do over again, I would have told Rudy flat out I’m not going to do it.

Too bad for me that there would be no second chance at making that decision.

I had no hope to give Judy, no promises that everything would turn out alright, nothing to assure her she would be in my arms again and that this was nothing more than a bad dream we would both wake up from.

Judy got up from her chair, kissed her fingers and put them on the glass, then said goodbye to me for the last time and turned and walked out of the room behind the glass, leaving a marigold flower on the counter, and leaving me and my heart in a puddle of sadness.

It was then I put my face in my hands and began to cry. The stark reality of that moment in my life hit me in the face like a smackdown from God, and all I could do was feel sorry for myself, with no one else to blame except me.

I did this. I did this to us, and there was nothing I could do to fix it.

I was escorted back to my cell in the Cook County Jail, where I would sit alone with my thoughts and my misery, and try not to think about killing myself, because the pain was so intense, I couldn’t help but think of a way to make it stop.

I had already been found guilty by a jury of my peers, and it would be decided tomorrow in court before a judge what my sentence would be.

This judge was a harsh judge from everything I’d been told from other inmates and had a special dislike for white criminals such as myself, so I had no unrealistic hopes of receiving a light sentence based on my lack of a criminal history.

This was a racist black judge looking for come uppance on a white boy first time criminal, and justice would be served on a cold plate of revenge.

Sitting on my bunk, I imagined all sorts of horrible things going through my brain.

I could see Judy seeing other men in my absence, possibly falling in love with one of them, forgetting about me and making a new life for herself.

The more I could see it in my head, the more psychotic I became, and I really started to entertain the possibility of tying my sheet to the top of the jail cell light fixture and hanging myself to put an end to all this nonsense.

My life in prison wouldn’t be worth a plug nickel. I had heard all the stories about little white guys being turned out and made someone’s bitch, eventually coming out of prison gay, preferring dick to pussy after having had a steady diet of it, and I just couldn’t see me surviving any of that.

To me that would be a fate I could not live with.

But could I kill myself? It seemed so final, so end all be all.

What if none of the stories I heard were true? What if it was a place I could navigate through and outsmart anyone that wanted a piece of me? What if it wasn’t as bad as my mind had made it out to be, and was something I could actually acclimate to and get out of on the other side without losing my sanity and my virginity?

I guess it would also depend on what prison they sent me to.

I thought about every angle until I drifted off to sleep, succeeding in not killing myself, at least not that night.

The following morning, I was more nervous than I had ever been in my life, as I was about to meet my fate.

I couldn’t stomach eating any breakfast, and barely was able to get dressed in my street clothes.

As we walked up the stairs to the courthouse, I noticed a news truck outside, never imagining for a moment it was there for me, but the vibes were strange, and it felt like something was in the air.

The hallway was unusually empty, and when we walked through the doors, I almost lost my shit.

Music started playing, there was confetti in the air, and a bailiff immediately came over to behind me and unlocked my handcuffs, then shook my hand and said congratulations.

Judy was there as well, looking more beautiful than ever, and came up and wrapped her arms around my neck and whispered in my ear that she was sorry.

Sorry?

Then I noticed where the judge sat, replaced instead with a big banner that said “Just Your Luck”.

Just Your Luck was a popular game show on TV, taking ordinary citizens and confronting them with horrible life changing scenarios, then surprising them that it was all just a big joke, and that’s what this was.

Rudy and his partner, the police officers that arrested me, some of the jail guards, all of them came up to me, shaking my hand.

Hell, I had even seen an episode of this show, where a guy was found to have a disease and given a prognosis of only a week left to live, then found out it was all a big joke.

And here I was in the middle of one of their episodes.

Judy kept talking in my ear about the million dollars we had won, and I was speechless.

She had done a real good acting job, and I thought I had seen the last of her, and quite frankly, I didn’t know what to think of her now.

The night before I was contemplating hanging myself, and here I was supposed to be grateful that I wasn’t going to prison and losing the love of my life.

I didn’t know whether to be ecstatic or angry as hell, but after a few minutes, I came around, and that’s what everyone was hoping to see.