A tense conversation & I lost five hundred dollars

I rolled my car window down. The man's thin lips opened with his scripted, opening robotic speech. I assumed the role.

“I'm officer blank.” I was half-listening. More so, skimming for important information.

“I pulled you over because blank. You are being recorded, blank.”

I must’ve looked like a deer in the headlights or maybe dead-eyed. I shook my head.

I had smart-ass comments to all these lifeless statements. Smart for me anyway. I was listening intermittently. I had all the soon to be requested plastic and paper in my hands. I was guilty. My fate sealed. No way out. I waited.

Behind him, the gawkers gawked. Rubberneckers failed to keep their cars straight. A single horn. No deaths yet. My only hope. The lights flashed & blinded.

“You know why I stopped you?” Sterile. A statement rather than a question. Spoken down at me while he wore sunglasses as dark as an open manhole cover wearing a hat that no one would wear if it weren't a requirement.

“Yes.” Attempting to play robot too.

“License and registration, please.” I handed it to him.

“So I stopped you because you were going nearly double the posted speed limit. Why did you feel the need to do that? Are you going to an emergency?”

Tell the truth, I thought. What emergency? You know what you were doing. Tell the truth. There's no getting away from this, maybe lie and talk your way out of it. You're quick enough, right? How bad can it get? Try it? You're definitely not getting your license back, might as well double down and take a chance. Or tell the truth.

Silence, and then I firmly said, “Sorry, no emergency. I just wanted to go for a drive and got carried away.”

Damn.

Without a change of tone. “ok. You know there’s a lot of deers on this road? In your little car and at the speed you were going, you could have easily been seriously injured or worse. I’ll be right back.”

I could’ve gone the death wish route, maybe I still can. It's kinda true. So was my kinda truth. I did leave my job in a hurry. I don’t like how my life is ending up. I’m not ok. What normal person would drive twice the speed limit on an interstate. I wouldn’t have minded it. Sure might’ve been dramatic, but it would seem like a genuine accident. I wouldn’t have minded if it did happen. I know the risk. Unfortunately sober. I stewed in the silence, knowing the truth.

The officer returned.

“Ok, so I've knocked the fine down a bit. You can pay online or through mail, and there's other options there as well. Do you have any questions?”

“No thanks. You,” I spit out.

“Ok. Drive safe.” He walked away.

I never turned my car off. I switched the car into sport mode, lowered the emergency brake, and slowly let the car move forward. I looked into the rearview mirror for traffic and the cop. I resumed the music that was never paused, only lowered. I then adjusted it to the proper volume for a late-night drive. I accelerated. Foot about halfway down. Fast but not as fast as I could. I still have a nerve. It was quick. Nothing dramatic. He didn’t follow. I hit the cruise control at the speed limit and exhaled. I made my way to an exit and hit a traffic light. As I waited, I looked at the ticket. Bold letters said:

Speeding in excess of a posted speed limit of 65 miles an hour by 20 miles an hour or more. 5 Points and a 500 dollar fine.

Well, it could’ve been worse.