The Dissection Box

It was sometimes in October 1962 when I was just 14 years old and had finished High School. I was admitted to class XI at the Government Jubilee College, Lucknow, India. My mother wanted me to become a doctor hence I studied Biology along with other subjects.

A dissection box containing few scalpels, scissors, and tweezers etc. was required for the biology practical class. I guess it did not cost much but my father could not afford to buy one for me. Being a clerk in the Uttar Pradesh state government, his income was quite low. Additionally, he was paying a good chunk of his monthly income towards the payment of various loans he had taken for my aunt’s (bua ji) marriage, and regular medical expenses of my mother and younger brother Anand. My mother suffered from a serious heart ailment and my brother suffered from nephrites (damaged kidneys). I remember those days my family lived very close to the poverty line and the times were very hard for us.

My biology practical classes had already begun in July and I did not have my dissection box even in October. My teacher Mr. Vaish was upset with me for coming to the laboratory class without a dissection box. One day teary-eyed I complained to my mother about the harassment I was facing in Mr. Vaish’s class. Next day my father bought me a brand-new red coloured dissection box which was kept safely at my Paper Mill Colony home in Lucknow. Even to this day I do not know what my mother told my father, or the cost of the dissection box, and from where my father managed the money to buy it for me. But I was thrilled and overjoyed as if I had already become a doctor.

I have always suffered from forgetfulness; it was quite serious during my childhood. I remember being reprimanded or even slapped a few times for forgetting the job I was expected to do but ended up forgetting. Now I find it hard to believe that even after having a new dissection box I forgot to carry it with me to my school on the day of biology practical class. Luckily for me, this class was always in the 5th period after a 30-minute interval between regular classes. Since my home was not too far from my school, during the interval, I went home on my bicycle (my grandmother’s gift for passing High School) to get the dissection box. I saw my mother almost half lying on the bed resting against the wall; she was knitting a sweater for me. My siblings were at the neighbors’ home thus I did not see them. She was puzzled to see me home that early and inquired why I had come home at that time. I explained the reason quickly; she helplessly smiled but did not say anything. I took the box and cycled fast back to school well in time for the lab class. I do not remember if anything special my mother had told me that day.

After school at around 4.30 in the evening I was returning home happily along with a couple of friends. Closer to home I noticed a lot of people had gathered around my house and once inside, I saw my brother Anand and little sister Manjula were crying near my mother trying to wake her up not realizing that our mother had gone to eternal sleep. My mother was lying silently where I had seen her a few hours before; initially I too thought that she was sleeping and would wake up soon to offer me my evening snacks. My father was not at home. Someone told me that my father who was in his office has been informed about the sudden death of my mother. My mother had died of heart failure after I left home with my dissection box. No one knows exactly when she died and of course there was no one to help resuscitate her heart. My forgetfulness has always been a problem for me, but that very weakness of mine gave me an opportunity to see my mother one last time and the helpless smile on her face. Had she been alive today she would not have been helpless about me because I did become a doctor though of a different kind.

At the time of her death my mother was 31, my father her six years senior, and I was 14. Brother Anand and sister Manjula were four and seven years respectively younger than me. Our family was totally distraught to say the least. I was praying God, that he should end this world. Since I was not that young, I could not take it. Of course, my wish was not granted because I was to face a similar fate once again in my life.

I am talking about my fiancée Manisha. She too died of an undiagnosed heart ailment. She was 25 and was dreaming of her future as my wife and sharing her life with me. She died when we were planning for our wedding. She too, like my mother suddenly passed away. The difference is unlike Manisha my mother was known to have a serious heart problem.

The sudden and unforeseen demise of my mother and Manisha has left me grieving for ever and I will suffer in silence till the end of my life.