Rainy Days for My Sunshine

I am not crazy about conflict. In fact, there's nothing I hope to avoid more. I want everyone to just get along.

Having said that, I have to add that I am not a Pollyanna type--but I long to be. I want to be that person with the perpetually sunny outlook on life. Unfortunately, that is not the world I live in.

The world I'm stuck in is full of men who think controlling women is the way to go.

Sadly, some of those men share gene pools with my grandchildren.

I got out of a relationship because it was starting to feel like my brain was turning to complete mush.

Worship this way, listen to this music, don't read these books, don't have friends I don't approve of.

Good grief, I was an A student, and he wanted me to be stupid and subservient and only to think and believe as he did.

But it took him starting to beat on my son for me to get out of that house and out from under his thumb, because controlling men have a way of worming their way into your minds and under your skins and the wake up call has to be something drastic.

I caved and cowed and cowered until it wasn't myself that needed defending.

I'm certain now that I didn't set a great example for my daughters.

They won't ever tell you that. According to them, I am strong. Smart. Resourceful.

But maybe they saw that side of me too late to save themselves from repeating my mistake and choosing men with the worst qualities of their father. The need to be "BOSS". The need to choose their friends, if they're allowed to have any at all. The tendency to cut them off from those who would support them in times of need.

The type of men who just take off with the kids to teach you a "lesson".

And here we go again.

That little 2-month-old is a healthy child, but she is being deprived of the full-time care of her mother because her father has decided he needs to be in charge. Mom goes to work; Dad takes the baby and disappears. Frantic phone calls and searches ensue. Dad decides Mom can "visit". Things go okay for a little while, and then the cycle repeats.

The situation is intolerable.

Dad wants Mom to stay with him, but refuses to work because he won't let Baby out of his sight. Where is he getting the funds to move from motel to motel? Who knows? I hope it's his own Mama putting cash in his pockets--otherwise, something nefarious is going on, and that makes everything even worse.

Mom doesn't want to stay with him, because she fears...everything. She feels that the baby is safe, but nothing else is.

She sleeps in her car. She sofa-surfs with friends when possible. She showers wherever she can so she's clean and presentable at work.

I can only be around when I can be around, and with all I have going on, it's not nearly enough. I can be a buffer between the parents, but not all the time.

There needs to be a legal plan in place. The State has a "joint custody unless otherwise specified in a court of law" parenting plan and the time has come to get it legally "otherwise specified", because Dad is not following a joint custody standard by keeping Mom in the dark about his whereabouts with the baby and playing games with her parenting time.

But legal intervention costs money. Even with a low-cost lawyer (which seems to be impossible for me to find) there are so many fees. Filing fees, duplicate copy fees, service fees and milage fees. Holy cow.

I don't like asking for help. It makes me feel ashamed. But there's a baby involved, so I'm having to swallow my pride.

I started a fundraiser on Facebook. If you're inclined to chip in a dollar or two, you can find it here:

If you can't donate, I am more than happy to accept good thoughts, positive vibrations and prayers. Any and all support is greatly appreciated.

You can also support me by visiting my profile and reading some stories:

Thank you so much!