No Parties Over Here!

One of the biggest things I have noticed: How much unwanted advice you get when you become a parent.

Now I understand a lot of people will give you advice in about every single thing you will do in life, but there is nothing that annoys me more than when people try to tell me what I should do with my kid. Especially when they don't like what we are doing.

Pondering this and having a lot of opinions that I quite frankly don't give a f*ck about, is leading me to my article that you are reading.

Shortly after having her, we decided that we are not going to throw Harlyn birthday parties.

No, I am not a mean mom. I am not against celebrating her, but we won't be doing so with big, ridiculous parties. And here is why.

The Real World

The biggest reasoning is the reality of the world around us. It is super annoying to me when everyone is bragging on how huge their kids birthday party was, and how many presents they got, etc.

There's probably some mom that knows your or that is reading your post, crying her eyes out because she can't afford to throw her kid a big party.

There's probably some kid in class that is sad because he/she didn't get any presents for their birthday because their parents can't afford it.

I know a lot of people will disagree with me and think, oh that's not my problem. And you're right, it's not. I just don't ever want to be the reason someone feels bad about the way they're living or the money they don't have.

I always grew up in a house that was pretty well off. We always had food on the table, got what we wanted. Had tons of toys, clothes, expensive games, etc.

No I'm not bragging. The reason I am saying this is because, looking back at it, I wish I would have appreciated it more. I grew up so well off, I would have never realised people don't have the things we did. I was oblivious that some can't live the life we did.

I have always been a more giving type of person. I like to give things to people who need them, so these are things that really hit me now.

That is why I want our daughter to grow up and keep in mind:

Yes, we can afford nice things. That doesn't mean we should tell everyone about them, because some other kid might wonder why they can't have nice things like that. Why aren't they good enough? What did they do wrong?

Now, obviously we aren't going to just not celebrate her birthday. That wouldn't be fair, but there will be no parties. It will be more personal.

Harlyn, Me, and her dad. Just US.

We will celebrate and have fun as a family.

I want her to realise how amazing it is to have a family that is the way ours is. What it's like to feel loved by both parents no matter what she does in life.

I say that because I have felt a lot of hate and discontent over the years from my family. Whether they realise it or not, they have really hurt me over the years.

They don't like my tattoos, my facial piercings, and I honestly think that they aren't proud of who I am now.

Which is fine. I've learned I can't please everyone, and I've learned that I need to deal with that. I don't ever want my daughter to think she'll be loved any less because of the way she is and what she loves in life.

I want her to realise that there are not a lot of families that are whole. There aren't a lot of families that have both mom and dad there every single step of the way.

I especially want her to realise what an amazing father she has. What an amazing role model she has. Someone to tell her how proud he is of her, and love and support her every day. I look at him and just can't get over how amazing he is. How amazing he treats me and her.

I have had this man tell me more times than any person in the world how proud he is of me and what I have done.

To me this means a lot. I've never gotten much praise in life, or in most things that I have done with my life. Just a whole lot of criticism. Most days I let my depression get the best of me.

I feel like a failure. I feel like a loser. I feel like I am a horrible mother. I feel like I am a horrible spouse. Those days just suck. But that's the way my f*cked up brain works. I've never felt good enough, and I may never feel good enough.

Then there is this shining light that I can always find in him. That is what I want for her. I want her to find someone that is just like her dad. Someone who is loving, encouraging, and has faith in every single thing that she does. I don't want her to settle for anything less.

I know that may seem off topic, but it really is a reason why I believe in things being more personal. The things in life that tend to mean the most, is when you realise you don't have those things.

I think that's why I yearn for a close bond with those close to me. I've lacked a lot of love in my life, and just when I a door opens, it is usually just slammed in my face.

I want her to see, that no matter what happens in this world, her mom and dad will always be by her side. We will help her through every hurtle life throws at her.

I don't ever want her to think that birthdays are just for presents. They're another year of life, and I want her to be thankful for the life we have, not the life that people can buy for her.

I know this may seem stupid to some, overboard for some. That's fine. We are all raising our kids the way we want to.

That's the great thing about it! We have our own kids to raise and we will raise them however we want. I just want the best for our little girl, and I want her to see what an amazing family she has.

Thanks for reading!